I'm on my own tonight. I refuse to converse with anyone. The solitude is meditative and I'm reading through quite a bit of stuff here.

Andrea Spencer's articles are mad cool. �ber is it! I'm also perusing through AskMen. Makes you think.
So there's Andrea with the love/hate man bashing buisness, then there's AskMen talking about beautiful women and recommending not trying for one...and "move down the beauty scale a notch or two". Hm. "Unfortunately, too many guys will put up with all kinds of abuse, just because the girl is gorgeous. It's dis-empowering to do that. Guys, you must learn to not be willing to do anything for you know what. Just keep in mind that a girl who rates a 10 will sink to a 1 after she's nagged and badgered you for 2 months."

You wonder why we man bash. Ugly girls don't have a chance, pretty girls get left for the average saccharine ones, but in the end they all end up the same way. We all want the same thing primarily. We'll all become raging emotional messes. We will always want attention love respect etc. Idiots.

Men want sex. They get sex - sometimes. Women like emotions. They get emotions - rarely. All in all I've become such a pessimist. I'm not swallowing (not literally) the bullshit about emotions. I try. It half works. I keep trying to tell people to say hell to friendship first. It's all about sex. Only. If some emotion gets in the way well someone or the other is whipped beyond recognition. Note italics above. Now if only I could get those emotion things out of my life and become a cold blooded user of men for physical and/or mental satisfaction. When you learn to have a man's attitude then you see how tables start to turn...

What is mental satisfacion you ask? Ah. A sexy mind is a hell of a thing. When you compare it's just wow. You look at your other minds...the generic kind, then you look at the uhm...let's say the caviar of the crop. Whoa! Looks can be deceiving indeed I know this, but hell, the unreachable is always a more fun challenge isn't it? Mental satisfaction pushes all boundaries of physical. Physical plus mental is a severely lethal (damn sweet) combo though. Oh my word. So you can fall faster than a rocket ...into the flames of forthcoming emotional trauma. So you go have your fun. Maybe there is more emotion than you thought...on either yours or the other party's side. Then we get into the shitty end of the bargain (after the more than likely good sex). Boredom. Do you move along? Do you settle like dregs on the bottom of the fortune teller's cup?

I wonder how I'm rated. Not like I want to know but there's morbid curiousity..and I only want it from certain people. The (seemingly) unbiased ones. But then they'll always be biased. Blah.

Is there any hope for me? Is there any hope of getting back to that sweet person I was once - the sweet naive idiot dreamer romantic? Probably never. I look back and smile a little. Ah. The life. Not sure if I enjoyed that or this more. I surely have no regrets about the now. Despite the monster that makes up my DNA, I kinda like it. Dunno why.

Argh! Sleep now isn't likely. Back to networking if I even get offline now. Downloads have sped up.