This is the saddest thing ever.
Life's short. Live it up.
I am still dead against this valentine bullshit. I cursed (as nicely as possible) whoever came up with the crap. It's been a generally crappy day, though after reading Sean's journal I suppose my life isn't that bad...but at least they were happy...at least he is true, at least he loves her. He cries...

I want to do it my way. Fuck.
Sarah McLachlan is suicidal shit....really it is. Even in a dance version.

I'm so sorry for people reading this blog, who care to anymore, because it's full of such bullshit. I find myself writing the most insane, illogical stuff, that I never thought I would. It's a big mess. I know. I'll work it out. These are hard days... I'm trying to please everyone, and when I try to please myself I sink deeper into some dark abyss of ...nothing. Then what?

Clippity clip on convo :
him : "what do you want me to tell you?
you want me to tell you that I'm sorry things are fucked up as they are...
I'm sorry that everyday I have to sit here and watch you hurt...
I'm sorry that I still want to fuck you cause you still turn me on just as much as when were ....

I'm sorry that I love you"

Me : Me too.

him : I'm not.

What the fuck.

Therapeutic this all is. This is a really big joke isn't it? Someone is having a fuck of a good time watching this and laughing.
Excuse me you guys. Again. I cannot say I'm sorry for posting this. After all it's my blog, it's my life. Think what you will of me. I'm an emotional child. I'm fucked up. I don't feel it in my heart to lie to anyone, unlike some people. I don't like sly people. I don't like when people hide the truth - they don't lie, but they don't say. I guess I'm guilty of such sometimes, but hell. I hate it when they run away.

Dirk : Sagittarius women let people walk over them. They're too nice for their own good sometimes.
C'est vrai indeed. It's an inherent quality that I'm not sure I can change...I can try, but it's not guaranteed.
*sigh*
Why am I sorry for being me? It plagues me.
I want to be stronger, less naive, able to move on like a bee to the other flower, oh if only I had not a heart. Someone take it away from me.

Take it all away.

The coldness of the air, it's chillin my toes, and fingers, and it goes hand in hand with... everything. It's numbing, the cold, the pain.

To my friends who care : I love you. I value your input, I know that you love me and look out for my best interests, and suggest things that should be done. Thank you. Being happy is great I suppose. I'm glad you all are...or not as the case may be.

Fun.