Preparing oneself for death is like tearing your heart out. I mean you�re supposed to prepare yourself at any given time for anything to happen. Once in a while I wonder okay, if this were to happen now what would I do? I don�t think you know how you�d react at that given moment but at least you can try to prepare for it in some way or another. It�s always a shock nevertheless.
I don�t know if it�s because he is closer to me than the grandmothers and grandfathers that have passed. I don�t know if it�s because I think it�s not fair to his family that he�s young and needs to see his baby grow up. Not that we have the right to challenge destiny. To each his own destiny.
What�s left is accepting it and embracing the whole situation as a blessing in some form or another. I think once that�s happened then things can move along. I think I am definitely blessed to be able to go through so much though.
I�m supposed to do work and just can�t.

Ugh.

Rufus Wainwright mood. It's all I can bear right now.