I must have started this entry a million times but I just can't seem to get the right thing to say - if there is a right thing. There isn't. I'm so lost and I don't know what's going on ith me. Again. I'm depressed for several reasons and PMS is not one of them. I'm switching between Photoshop (yes I actually got it open) and here. Winamp is shitty and I just don't know what to play anymore. I've been playing La India over and over and it's at least got me to the point that I can start blogging again. I was supposed to write about the past week because generally no one else will and the natives are getting restless. "Go blog bitch" are the cries of the needy. Yes I hear you indeed. I'd be begging for entertainment too if I was on the outside.

If I was on the outside, looking in, I'm not sure what I'd be thinking other than "freak". I'm restless and jaded once again. Inspiration is just nil and I'm plodding along seeking my purpose. It's there somewhere but not where I think it is. I think. Excuse me for being cryptic but I don't know what else to say. If you understand it kudos. Oh God this life of an artist.
Am I happy or too happy? Why do I need to be happy again? Why is joy and happiness the way? Why do we strive for such? Why can't we strive to be slothful idiotic sad little creatures? Alas these brains of ours - rather irritating at times if you ask me. What does make me happy anyway? Pretty colours? Cute bunnies? Nice shoes?

I suppose if I wrote what I was thinking most of the time I'd have no friends whatsoever.
I'm sleepy again. This can't be good at all. I'm sleeping way too much for my own good, wasting away in bed, dreaming, or not dreaming. Those cuddly sheets have me itching. When I lie down to sleep I get trouble falling asleep because I think everything is itching when it isn't. Or maybe those are old mosquito bites.

*pause for much needed nap to Radiohead*

I'm feeling a bit better than I did this morning when I was snapping at everyone. Whoever knows me would be used to that by now I think (hope). I needed the oxygen in my brain - I've been keeping myself cooped up too much. I refused to go out with my mom and aunt today because I didn't want to ruin anyone's day. Nice of me wasn't it?
I could possibly change many things soon including the blog. ;)
I may stop doing graphic design. I may stop doing web design. I don't quite know yet to tell you the truth. I'm at odds with myself once more. Great time to think about that
when I'm almost in art school. Very funny indeed. My purpose is unclear and perhaps I have to hide away for a while and find it. No wonder great things are usually done by hermits. Bah. I hate being alone though. That's my problem.

Anyways I guess I'll blog about the last week. Mmph. Fun.

Thursday :
Cinema with Stef and Stace, and her co-workers. Stace made it last minute and got permission to go to the beach with us. Yay! Saw Identity and Stef was scared shitless at least at one point. The poor sod was jumping all over the place and had his hands over his ears for most of the show. *snicker* I think I did that a couple times but at least I didn't jump out of my seat. Hehe.
The movie was pretty well done actually and well-enjoyed. Best $15 I've spent in a while. I really like Norton.
We got some pizza after and marvelled that we actually got it in 15 minutes as the waiter had promised. Not bad.
Steffo spent the night (on a comfortable bed this time). Course some humungous bug had to attack him. I was snorting at him - poor thing. They're just attracted to their
own kind dear really. I'll be skewered for that one no doubt - let's hope he doesn't read it. :)

Friday :
Headed down the road early enough to get to Stef's place. I am scarred for life from certain video clip he showed me. Oh my goodness - wouldn't I like to have that done to a few people. Oh dear 10 million karma points down for just that thought alone. Oh well. Nadi was dragged along and we set off to Frank's place.
Thank you good sweet Jesus for air condition.
Frank is in denial of his Penalisation poor thing. Amazingly enough the drive wasn't as long as I expected and we got to Los Iros in no time at all. On the way the phrase
that just popped out was Jhagroo sitting in the van glugging a Smirnoff Ice saying "Dey say yuh musn't fuckin drink and drive!" *glug* That's my boy I tell you. Again I must say I love a/c. The sun was bright and glaring by the time we got there which was around lunch time or a little after.
We got settled in a cute little apartment and wandered around chilling out...or attempting to. Yay fans. The beach daunted us because of both the sun and the questionable people who frolicked in the sand and murky looking water.
Clegs was self-appointed as the chef and we were told to get out of his kitchen. You know I have no problem with that. He actually cooks well for someone who magically turned fried rice into pelau some time ago.
The rest of the day consisted of lazing and settling in, fighting for beds, playing cards, drinking (I touched not a bit of alco for the whole time!) and talking copious amounts of shit. We hit the beach around 6 on order of the commander in chief. The water was rather refreshing and not as cold as one would have thought. Stayed in till after dark (pft only me Clegs and Krissy) so that was interesting.
Playing All 4's (which I've dramatically improved at) and chilling was pretty much it. Clegs has us listening to his bagpipe music. Parry was helping whoever he teamed with to win, and Stef and Stace slept - a lot.
Saturday :
I don't think I got much sleep. 2 hours max I estimate. I woke up and the chief was making breakfast and only Parry was up as well. At least I got an early morning swim before the natives awoke. Just me and Stef though - everyone else was either sleeping or chickened out.
Nadi Stace and I ended up chilling almost all morning on one of the beds just totally vegetating and being anti-social. *snicker* Clegs made lunch and the rest of his family came as well. After lunch we said nuh uh sleep time and headed for some shut-eye. Of course some people started making odd noises and did rather animalistic weird things. Tsk. I got bitten again too. Not as hard though else I would have hurt him.

We packed up and left by around 3:30 and left the others. I got home and proceeded to call Chris (another one) to see if he wanted to go to cinema still. Ended up dead tired but went to see 2 Fast 2 Furious still. No big lime though. I was tired.

Sunday :
Finally. Sleep. Sleep is good. Woke up to a nice little e-mail - tickled pink rather. Happened upon Order of the Phoenix by chance that night so I was rather peachy. Nothing otherwise exciting was happening but I did catch up with James. He was missed indeed.

Monday : Book! I did nothing but sit vegetate and read my Potter.

Tuesday : Book done! Woo hoo! Now things were supposed to be back to normal. I had to post mortem it with Emir. HP whore. Humph. I can't say much of anything now especially with those in mind who have not read it. It rocked though. I've started reading over the series again.

Yesterday : Well. Depressed really. Bleh. Better but still miffed.

Today : Hello. I'm supposed to be doing work. Catching my royal arse. :( I have to finish stuff for oh tomorrow and it looks like I'll be out tonight.