Oops

Sorry Rich I missed your birthday. I was so stressed out last week! Only the other day I realised and had to check today to see what date it was. Am v v sorry. You are allowedto disown me. I found my birthday book eventually though. It was tucked in between other books atop my messy desk. Happy Belated old chap!!! Hope it was good!!

Happy Belated Anniversary Stace and Stef (mush blogger extraordinaires! It's been a lovely year. Now I feel old and lifeless and loveless. Enjoy it guys - all the best!! I love you both.

Wondering

I guess I like early morning quiet when noone is bugging me. Sometimes I want people bugging me. I sit online on MSN looking at my list and want to delete half of them. I must talk to about 5% or less of my now very full list. I keep having to delete people who I don't talk to and add the people that I need to talk to. Of course it starts off just fine and then it dies. I guess everything goes in phases. Trillian is such a waste of time - I tried starting another separate list but nooooooo it went and fucked up. Now I think about 120 people (if they are around) have me added twice to their list. Hopefully they'll delete me at some point. I don't think I'll be logging in again unless I get a better client.

What kind of shit am I typing? It's after 1 am and will probably be 1:30 by the time I finish this. A half and hour wasted. When I should be writing English homework, or researching my final design project I'm sitting here doing...this. My nose is stuffy because I slept with the fan and...well my nose is strange. Anyways...

I sit here pondering and hoping that guy in class next to me didn't spread his germs while he was hacking and coughing for 2 hours.

I wonder if I'll ever get to see Matrix Revolutions the way how my life is going. I also wonder if I give a shit. I hate English class being at 1. Bleh. Alas.

Despite reading everyone's blogs every day I wonder if they're really alright. Despite my whiny, self-absorbed way I do care about people - more than they realise. Oh look there's the attempt at justification of whininess.

Wondering why the fuck I can't find a better word than "whininess". Guffaw. Dumbass.

I wonder if anyone truly gives a shit about me. Maybe a few do. I go out of my way to help artists especially and they just don't respond. Honestly I feel the need to do more and just haven't gotten enough time to organise properly. Okay i've been putting it off for more than one reason, one just being pure procrastination, another - fear of failure. I figure it's time to stop being such a bloody wuss and start getting the things I want done.

But really, I wonder why people are so blas�. I wonder what's the root of blas� and why I don't know it because I did French. Wondering why I'm moving off-topic. See? This is how it goes and things never get done.

Wondering what would happen if I could get more people involved. Suppose I fuse all of these tiny artsy farsty cliques? I guess in that way we become just one bigger clique. It's got its advantages I suppose. It's finding your cliquey balance that's the issue.

I'm sorry if I'm hopping around the topics. I am very confused little individual. No wonder my essays suck ass. It never ends.

Maybe I should sleep now. Maybe I should do work. Maybe I'll do something else completely unrelated.

I'm thinking that this is one of the crappier posts I've done in a while.
See...look at the time. 30 minutes indeed for this thingy.