calm calm

must chill out. must work through emotions. must not be angry. really. i should not be here. i need to go to class. it starts in 20 mins and i am 40 mins away. it's not going to happen.
i got angry. really really angry. i tantrummed and said many things. you know you try to keep calm for so long and last out and then a tiny thing can send you over the edge and you lose all bloody prior composure that you had. sigh.
i can actually feel the blood rushing around my body, my head and such. blood boiling? scary. it's a scary feeling. it's one of those situations where you start shaking and just have to stop. it's a conglomeration of emotions. hurt anger fear frustration.

Il Divo is nice. calming now. can hear the words...feel the music.

it's 10 now. groan. another class missed. not sure if i can handle this one. it's the elusive class that i should focus on fully. i started off hot and sweaty but i'm beginning to feel suffocated. this week has to be seriously work filled and i'm not in any mood for it. i know it's important but my brain has had enough.

i looked at Billy Elliot last night and thought it most beautiful. i suppose this will turn into a post father's day post. when i think about it, some of my issues stem from that whole father relationship or lack thereof. i've never really thought about it hard because it's usually ignored. parental relationships are so taboo in a way.

cannot go on. i'm sorry. it requires a lot more pondering.

possibly i just need some more sleep. i want to sleep for a day. i don't want to hear about economics either.

dizzy.