Lord. I just screwed up my groovy ass first-blog-in-a-week post. It was long dammit. *mumbles nasty stuff about IE*

Maybe I'll do this at home. Yeh right. In a little while I'm going to have to actually do work. Ergh. I guess I'll work on this in spare time today.

Dum dee dum. I can't wait for tomorrow! Prize giving will end dammit. I will be freeeee! Well kinda. Haha. Now I can't wait for the 1st 2 weeks in July :)
Ok messenger is rather distracting now. I'm out!

I've been listening to a lot of Sarah McLachlan and some rave...which is mad cool! Aww man. I want techno/rave/jungle cd's Gimme gimme pleeeasseeee :)

Just a side note :)

My absence was hopefully noticed. I got no e-mails pleading for me to start back blogging. Tsk. Anyways.

I didn't blog on Friday? Stac's birthday passed and I didn't blog? God forgive me. Happy Belated Birthday Stac! Although I sent a card so I'm like good. :)
Yesterday was Father's Day so daddy got a card. That's about it.
Today is mom and dad's anniversary. They got nothing. Hey they have me...what else is required? That's it for the greetings.

My weekend was alright I guess. Saturday after class I got to go by Reagan to hang out a while. I ended up chilling there in the web caf� that he runs all evening, so I got home late, and the rents were all suspicious. Mom was on the phone when I tried to call! I swear to God!
I'm serious people...stop saying..ohhh surre you did. I was good this time. I really called.

Anyways. So that was a lovely distraction, and getting to hang with Reags again was fun. We went to the mall and he was being picky with clothes. Tsk. Benetton's clothes are way too expensive. That's brand name for you. Excuse me. An umbrella for $120 when you can get on on the roadside for what $20? I doubt there's a big difference in quality...just the grooviness. The shades rocked no doubt though. I want! Nice clothes, but uh I'm not rich yet.


Ok what was I saying again? I got distracted talking about the sexiness of gay men. *sigh* I found out yesterday that this hottie Venezolano piece of eye candy is gay. Dammit to hell. :( He was soooo sweet. Not fair I say. The gay ones are hot and gay. The hot straight ones are hoes. What is a girl to do huh?
I hate male hoes.
Ugh.
No further comment.

Holiday tomorrow! Yayyyy!!! I'm out poofies.

Last night I watched The Ninth Gate. At the end I was like...huh? Hehehe. Weird shit. I think my dreams were half affected by it but not so much that I got scared or anything. They turned out pleasant I think. Though there was something about flying...hmm but anyways. Moving right along.

Yesterday. I did nothing other than work, home, net, sleep, net, sleep. Yay.

Actually I'm not feeling well still, and I don't know why. I'm feeling weak, headachey (today) and tired. There's tons of work to do and I'm just slacking. I'm also feeling upset still...baby needs vacation or sleep. Tomorrow is a holiday! Yayyy!!! Must i work on Friday? :-/

*bounces into Blogger*

Actually I have nothing to say. It was a waste of dressing up today :( I even wore my nice perfume and stuff. *sniffles*

*glares at boy*

I dreamt so many things last night. I couldn't sleep well even though I was dead tired.
Yesterday is taking a toll on my body. My stomach is still feeling weird, and I'm generally out of sorts. I have decided to write about my dream. Weird yes, andyou don't have to read it. This is mine...all mine. No one can take it away from me. Here goes.

I'm in a house. I think a boyfriend's house and his mother is there - a little old white lady. I'm talking to her I think. I'm looking at the floorboards. They remind me of my old house's wooden floors, but they're dusty and full of spaces and holes. Looking through, there's a drop below. We're upstairs apparently. I go to get a haircut. Weird little place, kind of opened out - in some mall it seems. I have to wait and wait, and I'm hoping the girl knows that I'm next eventually. I am hanging around outside because the electricity goes I think. I meet up with some guy whose name is Pierre or something. I also meet a girl who I think is his wife. She knows me and I'm there trying to remember if I know her face.

Scene switches to a room avec Pierre or whoever the hell it is. I can't see a face but I know he's coming onto me or holding me...something. I feel wanted and surrounded with a nice homely presence, though I know it's wrong since I'm not his. That kinda fades I think. I don't know how I reach on a roof. I'm seeing a white kitten and a cobra. Well white something..if not a kitten..something fuzzy - whatever. They start fighting and we're in space - stars all around and all. Then we start to fall. We reach the earth's atmosphere and start falling faster or something. I'm hearing something that astronauts are supposed to land, so we'll get picked up anyway. We're the Muppets? We fall into the sea and I turn around to see a boat approaching.

I'm still in water. Crystal blue water, but with some waves thrashing, but we're in probably hip deep or lower. We're watching some weird thing - a coconut tree surrounded with dangerous icky animals. A snake or 2 I think, some beautiful red scorpions, red crabs, a scary looking millipede like monster, et al. I'm there squirming because it's so close. The millipede monster thing is crawling over someone - I'm afraid it will bite/sting/poison him. It seems there is a counter.

The old Archbishop Pantin is there alive and well. He's talking a whole lotta crap and being almost uhh how shall I say..open and being all cool and stuff. Hmmoh the things that happen when you die. Anyways. There's a whole lot of weird stuff following that...weird people doing weird things. Hmm. Too confused to continue.
So that basically sums up my dream. Hehe.

*poof for now*
I'm dressed up today. It's 4 weeks - 3 days shy of a proper month I've been unsingle. Whoopee. I'm out! Boss back eek.

Today was just fucking amazing. I know who my real friends are. I hate liars.
Thank you for always being here for me guys...Jus thanks for the reply. Stef...lol loveyou always. Stac - talk-bash-perk! Dars - always and forever best chic bud.
That's it for now :)

"Close your eyes and crawl inside
Your secret hiding place
Can't stay there too long this time
There are things you have to face"
Quote from Stace's blog.

Lunch I need. Baby hungry.

Oh but before that. *grin* So I got my ego-boost today. Lies or not, when someone tells you "Is it just today or do you look this pretty all the time?", you must feel happy. I got picked up by this store clerk in a $10 store. Sheesh. Well...at least it wasn't a vagrant!

So I'm composing this in notepad because all I want to do when I log in to Blogger, is post and get the hell out. I'm not feeling to do much otherwise but write my depression out. After all I have no company. I don't know why I'm feeling this way. Ok maybe I do. PMS? Perhaps. I think I need hormone therapy or something to prevent this from happening, because it's quite disgusting to see myself saying and doing things I won't normally, and knowing I have no real reason for it.

I tend to blow up at people in this mood. Every little thing affects me and pisses me off. Maybe it was partly the cause of the ending of my last relationship. Maybe it will be the cause of the demise of another. Lovely. I'm so fucked up it's not funny. I'm scared this will affect me in some dire way. Of course real friends will understand and accept me at these times. *sigh* Next story.

I don't like to put people through a whole shitload of emotional crap because I'm "in a mood". That's fucked up and selfish. However, it always seems at these times that no one is around to talk to and I can't help feeling alone and I still blow up at them.

Ugh.

As Jus said today : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Just thought I'd add that in for effect.

My mood, coupled with the fact that I seem to have some sort of bug, which makes my entire stomach queasy all the time, and aching, just has me totally jaded.

Grr.

My lunch date thing went well. We spoke of screwed up relationships and the possibility of there being real love existing. Hmm. The sun was pretty goddamn hot. He reminded me to get an umbrella. Yeh tomorrow. I also have to start wearing more sunscreen. I'm just so lazy to put it on in the morning...

Tomorrow I have an early class, so that means no late night chatter on ICQ, Topaz and Messenger. Yes people I have finally given in to another Microcrap product. It's sucking up RAM on this thing, but works decently enough. I'm not pissed about it just yet. I'm hoping just to keep close buds here though - unlike ICQ with a gazillion unknown people.

Maybe I need me some good music to get partly out of this mood. Sarah? Marc Anthony? My tummy is sucking salt.

Let me go sleep this off or something. I'm slowly getting pissed off again. I'll get out of this soon.

I feel so weak. Why is it that I feel so alone, so untalented, just a fraction of a grain of sand. Ugh. I frequently experience these feelings of inadequacy when I start to surf. Looking at some of Justin's links, Lord. Hmm. *sigh*
I want e-mail. Write me dammit.

It's Friday. My boss isn't back yet (*jump*). I have a lunch date who is not my b/f. At least I think I have a lunch date. We'll see when lunchtime comes. If I can make it through to lunch. My stomach is in a mess and I don't know why. I got scared last night but anyways I will spare you the story. I'm feeling rather sick now actually but not enough to throw up. Oh God help me through lunch.

*Out*

I'm just blogging because I CAN! Hehe.

No special thoughts for the day, nothing on my mind that's bugging me, nothing happening in the world of Trac, at least that I'll post here. It's real easy for someone to stalk me. All they need to do is read this once in a while and all of that. Freaky huh? Jus had said something about him being too personal on his blog in the early days. I don't know. I've been pretty open, but not quite there yet.

I'm gonna go look at a friend's presentation now! I think :)

Did I ever mention that I hate travelling in maxi taxis? Grrrrr. There's this feeling of doom when you step in and feel all wobbly in the knees, feeling like you're gonna splat right on top of the people who by the way are staring at you. You wonder if your clothes are fixed, if you look funny, if you are goin to touch someone's leg by mistake. Yuck. The claustrophibia of the small ones...ugh ugh ugh.
Ok needed to vent that. Nothing bad happened this morning in the maxi, I was just thinking about in on my way in, walking through UWI, watching the pretty green grass and the fairytale old trees. There's one in particular - don't ask me the name, that's all gnarly and twisted. It's so pretty - reminds me of the fairytale books I had. I used to stare at the pictures over and over and over and there was one book with the ganrly trees having faces. How groovy.

Today is Arielle's 2nd birthday, so I'm going after work (hopefully) to play with her. Haven't seen the little tyke for a while, let's hope she's less miserable now. Yeh uh huh...riight Trace....

Tuesday. Hmm. Wonderful. Just make me feel like a ditz for not blogging since then will you?

Saturday I ended up shopping like crazy (again) so that made me happy :) I got new shades to replace ol purplepoo plus a tonload of other crap..that hey...yes I need them else I wouldn't buy them dammit so there. Made myself and my mom happy cuz I bought stuff for her too. I'm nice you see. Yesterday it seems the clothes gods were in action, and I got some new tops and stuff that my cousin sent. Mom says when you give you get back a hundredfold. Hmm. Cool

I also got word about my loan so once it's approved everything should be set and I'll be able to go in September. *crosses fingers and prays* This means my time here is kind of limited. Lime people lime lime. I miss Stac. Must write the girl! If only I can remember how to write with a pen...

Kev is in Tobago this week for work not play (uh huh uh huh sureee).

Graphic design. I must become better at this. Ugh.

It's Saturday already..no way. Mann...and I have to get up early - yippedeedooda. That means I should sleep soon I guess. :(

My holiday on Wednesday was a blast - I relaxed all day and lazed in bed and in front the tv..my goodness plus I got in some yoga...way long overdue. I miss my bummy days now. *sniffle*

Thursday turned out to be a shitty day @ work. What's new? And well yesterday...better I suppose. So glad it's weekend. Need sleep...bad.

This romance thing is weird. Happy happy mode on. *grins from ear to ear*