So I've been doing some surfing this morning. Check this shit out. Uhm brain? Where? Ditz site of the day no doubt. Sorry I'm bad. *grabs halo and smiles sweetly* I also looked through some pics of extremely ugly people today. Hah..let me not even post the site before I get into trouble. All you bastards want to know don't you?

I pledge from this day forth to try not to blog like that girl though. Please tell me I don't sound like her.

So Bobby's sitting here wondering if I'm blogging about him. No kidding :) How can I pass up such an opportunity? Slackness reignith supremith. We're talking shit..constantly. Woo.

I want my teddyyyyy...pillow blanky anything... *sniffle*

Let's hope rain doesn't fall today. I have a full day ahead. Yippee! I think...
I've not got much to say. Bleh.
Other than being asked why I'm so confrontational? *stewps*
I had a loverly relaxing weekend - not as salty as I imagined it. The rain was really cool and yesterday afternoon was so cuddly - but I had to settle for blanky and teddy. Tsk. It's about 9:15 and I haven't started work yet. Lol. Good. Very good. *runs next door to see if she can find work to do*

Stef actually took me on yesterday and picked me up for a little lime avec his sister. That turned out pretty cool. Stef with his mad interest in reptilian creepy crawlies almost got eaten by a humungazoid err what was it? Boa? Something...big...n ugly as heck. Let's not start with the close (well we considered it such) encounter with the cobra. Whoopeeding. Folks - this was all in a mall mind you.

Fun...but not as much fun as the fountain joke. *cracks up in hysterical laughter when she sees Stef laughing too* Goddammit boy you're infectious.

Sunday. It's raining.Nice to snuggle up with a good book - or person as the case may be...I'd go for the latter, but I'd get kicked out of my house. Ah well.

*mumbles something about blogging Steffypoo's chats irl* Hmmm.. *thinks about Eye of the Tiger being sung while speeding along the road*

*grin*

Why did that *points downwards* not publish last night? *stewps*

It's Friday woohoo! The net is actually fast today so yay. Back to some semblance of normalcy around here. God I have work to do - tons of work to do and the thought of it is rather irritating. I want a month's vacation too dammit.

I've been getting these headaches. I don't know why and I'm a little scared. Waking up, going to sleep, whenever. I tried taking migraine tablets which don't work . I must have some kind of brain tumour! Arrrghhh - take me out this weekend for I'm going to die!!! *snicker* Yes that's a good excuse isn't it? :)

I just realised I haven't posted in 6 days. Woopsy I could have sworn I did on Monday. I don't know what I was doing.

Saturday = class home beach (without good company).
Sunday = nothing.
Monday = nothing I suppose. That day has been erased from memory.
Tuesday = day off thank you God. A day well spent with bf. Excellent. My ego is now well-rounded. No further comment.
Yesterday = nothing but stress at work + beach after (yay kinda).

There you go. Update.

Ah shit. I just remembered. Tomorrow evening is a mess. I guess I have to go help mom sell her food again. Good grief. Can't even scope well there! *grumbles under breath*

I am apparently being negative. Yeh well I'm not getting my own way so I'm in a sucky mood.

Oh ok. Next plan. Tomorrow. After work go to town walk around lime all by myself, tire self out as much as possible, help mom, come home. Sleep. Plan.

Err this was a post from this morning that I typed up but never got to post. Bah. I actually had to email this to myself...I wasn't going thru the trouble of saving it etc.

So I suppose I'm to blame for not blogging? No way man. It's the net. It's crawling slower than a snail on tranquilizers. At least here at work. Grr. Funny thing is it seems only to be in this lab. Hmm. Who's downloading the pr0n?

Yesterday I ended up at the beach again, much to the jealousy of my work friends hehe. Hey I work half day what do expect me to do huh? So mom called and said hey come home BEACH! Course I finished up what was left to be done and mosied home.

Once again the place was really nice. The tide was out, the sun was stinging (though I'm yet to receive a tan), and the water was pretty clean, salty and calm. Woo. Nice empty beach...well save for a few fellow sea-bathers, fishermen and corbeaux - aka cobos.
*splishy splash*

So what's new? Let's see. Other than people interfering where they shouldn't in my personal life,I guess it's been dandy. I'm guessing my weekend will be extremely salty seeing that someone will be without me in Tobago, and no one has made plans yet down here!
I need to be distracted Friday and Saturday night. Period. Err uhm...*whine*. :(

It's almost 9 already? Ok so i should start to get work done, but I just want to load a goddamn page to just post and sign out, but noooo. Load mofo load.La da dee la dee dah. I've actually got stuff done for Stef's page, it's just energy to finish, and well reboot the computer next to me into NT. If I could have used Linux that would have been rather groovy. I also have to upload. Bleh. Ok if I'm stuck at home and bored to death this weekend I'll try to do it. Hmm. Oh God...that means Stef won't take me out!!! Arrghhh!!!

I now have a headache again. Great. I'm so very tired it's not funny. I was up last night for one reason I suppose. That was just weird all over. *stewps* I'm tired of bullshit, tired of everything, tired of
stupid people. Stupid fuckin blogger. I hate you too. I wish I could end this whole ordeal. I'd post it here, I would expose the idiot, I would move on with my life goddammit. I don't need this. When my life seems to be going pretty good this? No no no - especially from someone who's immature, idle and silly? Nuh uh. Ok. So maybe I should let it go. I don't know exactly what to do. Ugh.

Otherwise I'm pretty much getting along with my life. These problems are minor in comparison with other stuff. I'm looking for funding - sponsorship. People if you know any biggish companies (especially where you've got contact) where they might just hand over some sponsorship...whatever little it may be, let me know!
Apparently they get tax cut-offs or something when they do give sponsorship. I don't know. I've got to write some kind of begging letter, and be really desperate hm ...anyway. I'll figure it out soon. Maybe I should work on that as I wait. Erk.

Yes I'm blogging from home. Boredom apparently.

Did I mention I hate work and that I want to stop asap? Hmph. I hate this shit. I'm tired being taken advantage of and tired of not being told stuff and tired of the continual assumption that I am Ms. ESP. I want my vacation dammit I need a break. Hey at least I get back some money tomorrow.

Whoopee.

I'm just gonna go to sleep - try to sleep away this whole weekend, unless there's somethng to do tomorrow evening. *hint hint* Stef has something to do so that counts him out. Hmmmm.

The one weekend I have no class - which means I can go out Friday night, and wake up at 12 Saturday morning. Damn.

I got work done today. *gasp*
So anyways this is my last post for the weekend, since I refuse to blog at home. Hey who knows if I'm idle enough I just might bloogerise! Wheee.
I don't have actual plans yet. I might go to the lan if there is one...God knows my father will be on my case again for wanting to go. Whatever...
Dum dee dum. My day is almost done. It's cold in here but I don't mind that my fingers are freezing and will fall off if I don't get warmth.

I'm actually working on Stef's page so bye!

No cool sites of the day - I haven't surfed much today :(

Friday friday friday!!!!!!!!!!!! *dances around throwing confetti around*
Hey I plan to actually do work today dammit. Damn you Blogger for distracting me!!! I'm in work early trying to do net stuff before work starts. Joy. Hey wait...I still have time woohoo! I thought it was after 8:30.

Last night I finally talked to Ruf - who is still cool. When we're less incoherent though I'm sure we'll talk longer. I was up till 2 this morning. Hah! Ugh all I want to do right now is lay my head on da pretty table...*looks longingly @ desk surface*

Also I realised again last night that people try to push me to my limits. Really. Why must people interfere with my relationship? I'm not used to this type of childish bullshit... ok so it happens to everyone at any age but come on get a life already. Tsk. All I can do is feel sorry for these people and their lack of imagination and life purpose. I'm over my once raging hatred eh...I've moved along to sympathy and well more cynicism :)

Dealing with people has taught me so much. Tolerance. Hmm. Well I lose it still all the time and I have like diminishing tolerance levels for morons...well at least who I consider morons. I guess that could be bad since I'm cliqueish and bitchy and I would rather not deal with creatures with zero communication abilities. Me? Bad? Where? Heyyy Stac is worse than I am dammit. Ok fine I won't compare. I'm evil? Neverrrrr happen!

I guess I should start work now. *sigh* I have to go catalogue books. Isn't that adrenaline pumping? For a Friday it's sure to keep me awake. Blargh.

New plan. Search for funding and beg everyone to sponsor me until the very last moment :) I'm not giving this up now...I'm so far into the game it's not funny.

The state of my relationship with my father is unbearably annoying. The bastard pissed me off this morning telling me a whole lotta bull when I am just not in the mood. I always keep whatever I have to say lying deep within myself ...all the time wanting to tell him to bugger off. That might cause me being put out of the car, house, etc etc. Joy.

Last night I went to sleep relatively early and slept through. The other bitch (madre) wakes me up late and expects me to get dressed in what 5 fucking minutes. He starts the car and drives out - I barely have time to rush outside and the lock on the fucking door is giving trouble. *runs to car* stewps. I'm still sleepy I don't know why. So I'm there just casually closing my eyes and he's like...wake up! why are you looking so sleepy? (Because I'm fucking sleepy asshole and you're not bleeding or having a big ugly headache). Very good. I say nothing. If I do that won't be nice. See I'm good. Tsk. No and it wasn't my fault I was late... I already bless the bastards by getting ready in like 10 minutes, breakfast, bath, included. Fuckers.

Sleep necessary. I am way too stressed out. I need this vacation next week. I need time away from the bitches and quality time with my friends. Ugh. Must...get...thru...rest...of...week.

*head aches*

So ok. I'm over Tobago and the fact that my parents love me. Something so. I'm supposed to be going in August so that's cool.
For next week's salty weekend alone I'm hoping to get my ass to a beach and get in some rays. I need a tan...and a chance to wear my new bathing suit :o)

Last night I got like tonloads of advice after spending what 3 hours on the phone or something. So! I have to get me a better paying job to rake in the moolah and get out of here by next year. I hope. Geezus christ. I guess I didn't inform the masses. AIB gave me a scholarship...but it's a pinch out of the entire tuition. Blah. Uhm. I want citizenship or something.
*searches deperately for funding*

They're saying to teach...Spanish. Hmmm. Kev keeps quarelling with me for not using my languages. Yeh I know I'm a waste of space and talent. Bleh.
Ok so the plan would be uh to get a new job when this one is over - the search starts now. Then all in between search for scholarships and more funding, do pj's, and that kind of thing. Hmm sounds interesting.

Erk.

Another sleepy day. I have about 10 IE windows open looking at scholarship stuff. I haven't started on html yet. Bah.

"Oh I'm so jaded"
At least there's now Dreamweaver on this computer - I'm going to start htmling soon. Properly. Hm. Yeh well Stef's site, lady's site, my site, work site. Hm 4 in all. Wonderful.

Otherwise I'm in this mood. I guess I can say it's artistic. Arthur says that you have to be depressed in order to get work going. Maybe this is what I need. Trouble. At least I started writing again. Through tears, through hurt, fear and anger last night/this morning, I realised how interesting it feels for your heart and soul to be burnt at the stake. I have to remember to post the stuff I've been writing - they're all at home though.

Dido is playing from my mp3 cd. Bobby is here :) We've been having some fun with JoeCartoon and he just saw Killer Bean2 so he's all over it. Music rocketh more though.

Back to the shit that's going on. I can't afford to actually say much here because last night my site got out to some people I would have preferably not have snooping around reading about my life so that's not good. It's amazing. I'd rather complete strangers read this than acquaintances. Close friends are fine. I'll consider passwording this now.

How should one feel when one is torn between parents and s.o.? Who to choose? Who to defy? Who to trust? Who to love? Both love you, you think. Parents come first sure thing. Do they really understand? Do they know you? Can they see inside your soul? I know mine can't. I shut them out. I don't like them near me, I can't stand it. The distance is growing further and further and I just want to get out. Then I think...they're all I really have. No one else gives a fuck. They're right in that sense. But they won't believe me if I tell them what's the real deal. They so won't. They stand in their conviction that it's all wrong.
Then there's the other side. Wouldn't I just like to run away and be peachy with the s.o.? Impractical. Very. I'm a blithering idiot. I'm emotional and heart oriented. I've got an intimacy problem, yet I've got a tendency to cling. Yuck. Bad combo peut-�tre. Hm. Fun.

Why the hell am I so weird? It's at times like these I want to disappear. I wonder if anyone will notice me gone. Ok maybe a few, but still you know. I just want to go incognito for a few years with only my close friends at hand. Such a recluse. The idea is outstanding.

This morning I'm walking in work. I see a girl I know. I'm like 4 paces behind her. Thank God she doesn't look back and starts talking - it's a good 5 minute walk. I can't take interaction. I want to hide behind those sunglasses. I only want to talk to people I can either have fun with, or chill with. I don't want to hear any more bullshit. I've had enough. Between last night and this morning it's been a highly volatile situation.

2 am. Crying my fucking eyes out. You think this is healthy? Ok artistically healthy. I haven't picked up a paintbrush other than for the sole purpose of moving it to look for something else, for a while.

My horoscope is saying that I need balance in my life and my emotions are strong today etc. How true (scary) is that? Romance looks pleh for today. Let's see what else.
OMG. "Needless to say, a tiny issue could snowball into an emotional avalanche at a moment's notice." Ok that was even more scary and very real. I have to find constructive ways of dealing with my feelings apparently. Uh how?

Ok some cool sites for animators :
Pat Smith Jus, Arts whoever you must see this!!! This is the site of the day.

The Critical Eye is also pretty cool.

This might be for everyone. Monkey Suit is a comics site done by NYC animators. Sweet. Uh. Interesting. Different. Cooooll.
Whew. I'll post more sites tomorrow - if I find any kickass ones.

It's cold in here. No one is around.
I have a mad cool new mp3 cd to listen to, and no headphones. There are no speakers here. *sigh*
I've got everything from Deftones to Dido. Alot of rock...but it's all good. Lans are good for getting movies, music, whatever too. Lol.
Where is Bobby? We have been swapping music tastes and general cool info recently. Last week he brought this video of karate knockouts. Hmm. Violence.

I have to get me some new ideas for my site revamp - ooh not to mention work on everyone else's sites. Whoopee.

My weekend has disappeared into a wittle dust cloud. *sigh*
I was up at 3 this morning doing nothing in particular, thinking too much, being extremely moody, and in general jaded.
Saturday I went to a lan party again with the gang. Joy. I was falling asleep so badly. Ok so I definitely need a new comp. Duh we've all known this for way too long. *steups*
Yesterday was spent sleeping mostly. Waste of weekend? Hmmm.

Hmmm. La di dah.
OHH Max Azria is cool. Ok I'm late, but I'm just into fashion now...checking out new stuff, trying to be up to date, though my style of dress probably isn't :)

Why am I looking at computers on sale etc? *sigh* My longing for a new machine. Blah. If I'm to stay here any longer, I'm definitely going to get me 1. New system 2. cell phone. Well maybe not in that order...depends. Erk.

*cries*

Our IMO team got us 2 bronze medals in the Olympiad. That rocks!

I'm down to about my favourite oh..20 icons. *cries* But i don't wanna choose. Eh. Blah. They're all so cool man.
Ok people feedback. What would remind you more of this page? A T or an I in the icon? Or something else like a Celtic pattern? Huh huh? I'll post them here...uhm...well I can send them to rav and he can post them :)
You guys choose.

I'm over the health thing. Well sort of. I told mom I'm cool with soya. *shrug* Beef=bad.

Last night I totally freaked. I was so upset, I just cut everyone off and blew up at the poor boy. All in a month's work. Woopsy. Even now I have a slight headache. Good news though. I'm supposed to hang with Stef today.Yay! I don't know if Anj will pass through yet though.

Argghhhh I don't know what icon to choose!!!! :(

Ay groovy the lab just got Dreamweaver! Yay!!! *dances around*

Another day another dollar - spent. Maybe more than a dollar. Sheesh.

I'm hungry for some godforsaken reason. I really shouldn't be, though it's oh lunchtime now? *sigh* I'm feeling for some kind of high calorie, high cholesterol, high everygoddamn thing except high goood-for-you. Of course that isn't healthy. Blahhhh. Now my whole family is going to go on an extreme and wild new health groove.

My uncle isn't well. Yesterday he took an angiogram. They didn't expect bad results, but it seems as if he needs bypass surgery. Great. At least he's young, but still it's rather scary, especially for my aunt, knowing that they have a 3 year old to take care of plus other stuff you know like the risk of losing her husband. *sigh* I'm praying for them.
I believe however that his is caused by the combo of stress (tons of it), smoking (another reason not to smoke...even socially), and bad lifestyle in general. It makes me think about my friends, and their states of health in the future - namely Justin. KFC bad. Tsk. The stress is a big big factor though.

Right now I can't believe I'm even looking at sites related to the ole ticker. Lordee. Health reality check for us all. Erk. Remind me to get in a gym or something..lord knows I need it. The American Heart Association has a nice site. I can't freak out too much though.

Rav you're forgiven. Peace. I just needed some space. Still love ya ok dearie.

Sleeeeppppp. *cough sputter*

*falls into deep deep sleep with head on keyboard*

*splat*

gtfvrvvvvvvvvvvvv

Hah. Hm. Smoking/weed. That ended completely anti-climatic.

Ohhhh shit.This fcking seatbelt in this dumbass jeep dad was driving messed up my white top! ARGH!!!! I just noticed it! I wonder if wet ones will take it out? Hmm. Yes I walk around with Wet Ones.

My itty bitty hand bag holds quite a bit of stuff other than the usual money/keys deal. You only realise your dependency on stuff when you start using a handbag. I never had use for one - I used to walk around with my wallet alone. Then it grew to a set of keys, and lipstick etc etc. :)

Er so. Starting from Friday afternoon. Hm. Hung with him after dragging him out of the house. :)
We ended up crashing in the end, I was dead tired, so I actually got sleep when I was supposed to.
Saturday - lol. Phun phun. I got me a couple CD's - this double Trance cd, and Sarah - Freedom Sessions - which was on sale - yay! I can't remember the last time I actually bought a CD...ah well.
Saturday night I ended up at Nuts again. Hmmph - I don't think I'll be going there again for a while. Or out period. My parents threw a raging fit. *snicker*

People asked about the weed/smoking comment. Heh. Like I knew they would :) I''m just waiting to get a reaction from other sources...
I'm sleepy for some reason.

I woke his ass up. My pleasure has been gotten. After hearing the lime started when I left the car (as it always goddamn well does) I just am so full of joy. My bitterness and jealosy reignith supr�me today. So I'm in a 1/4 pissy/weird mood.

Idle mind of mine. I miss Ruf. He's a kool kat. I need more blogs or something. 3 isn't enough when I'm this goddamn idle. Mayeb I should surf for something constructive to do. Like a game. *snicker*

Who the hell reads this shit? Just curious I guess. *checks guestbook for first time in months*
Nice Regis was here. Well I figured as much since he's been lurking around 9 for a while. Then there was Dev trying to be incognito, and doing a terrible job of it. Cool.

Trac needs sleep. Trac is going to call Adrian and disturb his sleep. :) Hopefully he'll wake the hell up.

Soooo. I'm in work surprisingly. Last night's lime turned out pretty well with Jus and the gang after he had us waiting for hours in the mall. Tsk. After shit talk, pizza, experiencing Justin crooning Bob Marley while trying to dance while driving, a badass game of Pictionary, I left for Nuts. Rather interesting I guess. Well time not wasted...quality time if you want to call it that.

Yet another incident where I stepped up my whole cigarette/weed hating thing. Excuse me for being drug free. Cept on those Comtrex high days though.
Err what's the reason...someone please do tell me. I don't need to smoke or get tight to have a good time. I don't mean to rain on anyone's little happy joyriding parade but man...is it so necessary? Ok fine do your thing...when I'm not there. Righto. I don't belong in this...let me just disappear. Anyways it wasn't as bad as last time when I requested someone (who damn well knows who they are) not to drink for health reasons, but continued to do so, and capped the fuck out. Always listen to your women fellas. *falls into little heap of nothingness*

That was a random little vent. Note : I'm not in a pissy mood. I hope I don't get anyone else in a pissy mood. Eek.

Uhm I came here to say something. Uhhh...
Oh right. Stef is supposed to come in todayyy!!! If he isn't already. Hmmm. It's a shame he won't be able to make the lime this afternoon with Jus though...that would have been very cool. Yayayayay my Steffy is here err will be soon..whatever.

What else. Limes carded for today. Yay. Fire for work muhahaha. God I'm sleepy. I was up at 2 am talking nonsense.

Lol@Adrian flamed on mailing list. Poor boy. His mouth too hot. Bound to get him in trouble. Tskith. I say no more. Rofl. Woo. Only the gamers will get the joke..I don't think any gamers read this shit though. Thank God.

I saw Shrek yesterday. Terrible quality though, so I can't wait to see it big/clear screen. A real nice show actually. Now I can't wait to see Final Fantasy. Wooohooo! I'm just so psyched. Actually last night I had this small argument with this guy who went ballistic on me because I don't know much about the who FF thing. Man...I got scared. I was talking about the mad ass graphics...he went on to say later that a true FF fan wouldn't care for graphics. Bah. Humbug. I don't care about it that much anywayss :P

Oh my frickin god. Animation Artist has gotten like a redo. Well ok I admit I haven't been here for a while but omg. Werd. Sweet!!!
On this site, there's an interesting article on the front page. It's right up top called The Animation Pimp. Rofl. If you've seen Shrek or not check it out. I'm supposed to see Shrek sometime soon.
Holy shit. Dude Final Fantasy : The Spirits Within. Dear fcking lord. It's like AAAHHHHHHHHHH. Check out Digital Animators for the article. The skin the skin! This has made my day. I want to see this big screen please. I want to own this. Haha. Oh hell. I so want to do this. Wheeeeeeeee.
I have officially gone berserk over a movie which I have yet to see in entirety. I was like this for Titan AE eh...imagine this.

Lemme go...do something. This animation stuff has gotten me too excited. Can't concentrate anymore!

La la la lollipop.
Eyes burning. :(
So I got to work oh half an hour late. Like anyone cared. I'm plopped in front the computer, doing "web stuff". Actually I just want to go home and sleep right about now.
I have a nice little headache. Wonderful.

It's 5 am. I've been up since maybe before 4. I decided to come online to see if anyone was alive. Of course Rav was but he went to bed. The quiet time now is nice...really nice.

It's that hour of the morning when you think that time has slowed to a crawl, that even though the sky is lightening it doesn't matter. The breeze blowing through the trees makes me feel beachy. Good memories. I'll surely miss this when I go. If I go.

Yesterday was kinda good an sucky. My loan has flopped. So I have to find out what the fuck is going on and all of that. Joy of joys. I better find out soon before I take any extra steps for enrollment. I received the package on Friday so that had a whole bunch of health insurance stuff. Let's not even start with the immunization crap. Tha's a whole lot of money to spend which I don't actually have....oh well. Moving along. Ok so maybe I have the money - but that will suck me dryyyy.

Adrian is a doll otherwise. Yes Jus eating of words in progress. Yet again I am to wonder what I've done in my life to deserve such. Not that I'm saying I deserve less, but dude...I am in awe of it and appreciate it. My friends,my family...woo.

Writing at this hour is pretty cool. No sound but my fan and the clickity clacking of keys. Ok so there are cocks crowing around the place. I figure I'll be missing this too. Blah. I like the quiet. Clears the head.

I should go back to sleep now. Get a couple hours rest..hey maybe more. I don't think work should be too hectic today. Yay! The fun beginnith? I have my web sites to do...scanning etc. Lordee. Phun.

Have a good day people.

SO. That was a really big mess last week. Now I have almost 2 weeks' worth of blogging to catch up on. I'll deal with solely important things though.

I'm still alive. Yay! 1 thing down a million to go.

I've still got issues upon issues. Last week Thursday was oh so informative and I've realised a lot of stuff since then which may probably be a little too personal for here. The people who are supposed to know, know. At least my conscience is clear, so is my head, and maybe my heart..whereever that may be.

Saturday was cool enough. Hung with Stac Kev Ian and then switched the lime to Jus Chris Miche and Jason. Cool cool despite me fearing that we would get arrested at one point. Righto. Someone has to teach me how to play All Fours properly...sheesh. These little rules...omg. I think we lost. Tsk.

I want to go to Tobago for Great Race weekend dammit. Er remind me to talk to mom. Haha. Oh boy...sounds like trouble. Toss up...or something. I don't even know what's going on just yet. I have to talk to everyone.

Why oh why? I need to complete/start a couple websites and now I'm probably not going to get time. Lime lime lime! We'll see though. Blargh...I have someone coming back like Wednesday expecting a site. Lol. Uh huh. Joy joy joy. I'm gonna do stuff now for work. *gasp*

In other news...just before I post. I saw Gladiator finally last week. That was reallly cool. Anyway. I jus got a call. Must jet. *poof*