I want my fricking modem Nigel!!!!!!

Last night was really funny but I shan't go into gory details. It ended up with dad and me going for the comp. Good grief my mother has been bitching way too much. I am going to hermitise just now, seeing as my comp is now home (though modemless). Erk. I'm hoping to get that soon so I can get the hell back online. There's always games to play, movies to watch and music to listen to. :)

I refuse to answer my mother on : what's a harddrive/? do you have a rom thing in there? and father : so how much did this all cost? so why don't you have everything?

Ugh. I just want to sleep actually.

I saw my new sexy computer yesterday. Whee! It so rocks. Little did I know about the conspiracy to err upgrade it even more. Hmm. *shakes head at certain person* It's awesome though and I am quite pleased/impressed. If only it were in my possession now that would be cool. *sniff*
That'll be it for posting today I've not got much else to rant about other than the computer which will get boring to you all by well - all now. Sorry ok I finally have a new comp after oh 5 or 6 years of being backward. Leave me alone to waddle in puddles of joy. Bleh.

*dives in front of computer* Woohoo I'm back. After IE just shut down on me, I lost the post I was in the process of writing. Stewps. I'll do that eventually though maybe not today seeing as I have a million things to do. *sigh* I'm going to see my new computer today woohoo! Course that'll be after I finish up work and meet some people, go to get my cheque, go to the bank, post office and all of that tra la la. Joy.

I'm sitting here trying to go through all my mail and delete/read as I go along. blogging and chatting. Woops did I type that? Oh well. Lemme go do stuff. Ergh.

I'm alive after Tobago - with a little tan. That's good isn't it? I'll write more sometime later - maybe later this week when I get my compy. Wheeee! I'm so not going anywhere this weekend.

Another night without the net. To think that I won't be able to check mail for 4 1/2 days is hell. It also seems that I may not be getting my computer until maybe Tuesday which really sucks. I've been in quite a bit of a mood, so things not going my way is more to piss me off. Great. So why does this always have to coincide with PMS? Hmm. Ah well...something like that.

There's not much else to say right now other than uhh. Bye. I'll be gone till Monday morning.

Awwwww look at this : If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you ~ Winnie The Pooh.
Awwwww. Ok so I'm in a mood leave me alone. This mushy stuff will melt me easily - of course...I won't get it so who's counting. I can pretend right? Oh humbug.

I smell like Vanilla.

My computer is a definite mess. I think it's the BIOS that is screwed up...I give up though, but all I really want is to backup the latest files and move along to my new comp - which should be here in a few days. Of course I won't be here to receive it :( That piece of fecal matter...see me last night trying to read my mail and poof it crashes and on a reboot it doesn't reboot. Whoopeeding. At least I have tech support I can call at 11p.m. and stuff. Tsk. .

Tobago however is a trip I'm looking forward to. Today apparently we're supposed to do some grocery shopping - if Kev drags me along - that'll be cool. I wonder if I'll actually get a tan. Hmmmm. Oh well. So it's Great Race weekend - the official one at least. I do wonder how many people will be up there since they already went a few weeks ago.

At least I got some sleep...I think. I had some weird dreams though. Oh so one part of my dream, a group of us are in some place that looks like Excellent City Centre/old school hall, and there are these male models - and one of them has a tooth missing in front. Talk about a turn off + hysterical laughter. I think I was with some other girl. That was fun....I can't really recall what else it was about though but that was most interesting.I hate having dreams about school - that's so long ago. 7 years is a while to get used to it though. Infrequently I have dreams about primary school. Scary. Dammit and I wanted high school out of my life out of the picture out of my brain, but alas it comes back to haunt me. /turnoff ditz.

Ok I'm slightly better I suppose. It's registration week in UWI. Whoopeeding! The place is swarming with people and parents - good lord. The phones are in a mess and I can barely get a call out. Somehow everyone else is having luck except me with important calls. Unfair I say. Thennn my boss will think I'm a complete bum - great. I have yet to mention my absence on Thursday and Friday. Eeek. I'm a bum aren't I?

Sleep would be nice today - really. As if.

Oh yeh me getting pissed off caused me to open my browser - just to vent. Imagine that. When my HD is on the verge of fucking dying I open the fucking window. Very well.

I do despise when he does that - I so hate it. I'm a jealous bitch. I hate being ignored especially I'm there for him only to talk to him and he fucking ignores me and for what reason? Stewps. Right. Nuff said. Still annoyed. Righto. I suppose I should sleep. Let's see if posting this will fuck up my system.

Pikaaaa! *plops down in front of Blogs*

I've spent a few idle hours today looking at fashion sites. Uh huh. Rampage, then Guess, then a few other uninteresting ones. Guess models rock - some of the male ones alone though - some are icky poo. Working for their web department would be kinda fun though.

Oh...*whines*
I'm so lonely so very lonely.

Everyone's out and I'm just...here. Joy. Venga Boys, lan party. Bah. It's been a rainy day and well I suppose it's good/safer to keep my ass at home. Course my heart and spirit are elsewhere. Only God knows where. Ugh.

Ever realise when you're home sucking on 100lb bags of salt, that the most boring fucking people are online? Oh yeh what does that make me? Boring? Perhaps. I drew for a couple of hours straight a while ago, but now I'm done, looking for some action online, but alas everyone has a life but I. Die already.

Bitching/whining mode off

Err one last complaint - my throat is hurting slightly and I dunno why. I cannot afford to get sick right now at all. I'm leaving on Thursday - haven't told my boss yet. Hah uh huh...I'll get blazed but I'm not particularly in a caring mood these days. Such a bitch I know :)

It feels amazing to be surfing from home, opening IE 5.5 (werrrd) and having a browser and chats open. No this wasn't possible before. Shoot me. Imagine this isn't even my new computer. Woooooo. I shall be hiding in my room for like 3 months straight or something just playing. *grin*

I wanna go back to sleep. Got up too early this morning. I actually watched most of a movie - Bicentenial Man - t'was sad - very sad - very poignant - beautiful.

Compy's workin woohoo! It was fixed in record time..with a few wittle glitches of course...now I'm just not gonna turn off the bastard. When we were leaving the house this afternoon I could have left it on but I said nahhh don't worry. When I got home and booted it wasn't booting. I fiddled around with the settinsg and here I am! Yay!

I'm such a lamo at pool. God. It's rather annoying. Please Lord let me become a good pool player. *twiddles thumbs and does not practice* Tsk. Failure. Oh well - maybe one day. When your teacher is hot though it serves as a bit of distraction no doubt. Bleh.

Everyone's going to the Venga Boys concert except me... :( Ok to hell with music I want my computer. I sacrificed the lime for the more long lasting cool geeky shit. Whee.

Sleep needed...now....*poof*

I have this huge headache. Maybe it's from sitting in front the computer for hours last night trying to tweak/fix the damn thing. Yesterday before Adrian left we'd gotten mostly everything done. I went ahead and optimized and updated a few things. Then oh stupid me decided to close the cover - so that required moving around the cables and stuff...don't ask. Big mess. No booting. Argh!!!! After all that work goddammit!!! There I was calling the poor child at 12 am for tech support. Uh huh. Well I gave up and went to bed. I'm getting too old for this shit.

"Just as our eyes need light in order to see, our minds need ideas in order to conceive." ~Napoleon Hill

Oh my...my eyes are burning. Today is Friday and I have yet to know what the day may bring...well that goes for all the time but today is a little cloudy. Looking at my horoscope isn't a good thing...it's a seemingly bad day but I'm figuring well that's all crap. I just wanna sleep/take headache meds and sleep. C'est �a. To hell w ith computers.

Why is no one blogging? *sniffle*

Ohhhh so that was the problem. *ducks from Rav*

"one particular female" bah. scuse me if I dunno much about this crap and forgot and stuff.

Yesterday evening I go to the bank to deposit my computer money with Adrian. As soon as we reach hom emy mom goes - oooh guess what your dad got a pc for you but don't say anything I'm not supposed to know. *looks @ Adrian and laughs* Very good. Of course I am assuming it's free and it's probably weak shit. So we're there chilling and dad comes home brings this thing which looks terribly similar to my current comp.

Booting up we see it's a little faster, a little more RAM, but a 486. The Windows version seems a bit more updated... but anyways the decision was to pull my HD and modem from my comp and put it in this one. After a few hours of changing jumper settings every 5 minutes and booting and playing, we realised that somehow somewhere all my fucking system files on my HD disappeared. No Dialup Networking. WTF. No net. *die*

So I got a really early night and could barely wake up this morning. Righto. I'm still getting my new system thank you Lord. *dance* This suped up (relatively) newer one will go to my cousin, so I err Adrian will fix it up for him. Hehe. The poor child was dying from lack of sleep. Tsk and I will call this morning and find out he still went to sleep late and the vicious cycle will start again. I got sleep woooo! Nyah nyah :P

Oh I do look forward to reformatting today. Look at the sarcasm dripping. Thank God this is only for what a week? Hehe. Tis fun. Off I go to do some work though - let me try to finish everything today!

I'm testing to see if this will work now...

So uh I didn't know this before because I'm not a big lyrics analysing fan. The analysed lyrics to Don McLean's American Pie is scary as heck. Bobby was telling me about it a few days ago, then it just played on our little lab radio (yay we have moosic) so he did a pretty little Google search. This is what we came up with. Uh huh. Cute.
It goes to show how artists' work can be analysed to hell and back and might be completely different from the artists' original intention. Tsk. Sad but fun really.

Oh my word. I haven't posted this link before. One of THE hottest illustrators out there - David Mack wooohoooo! Yum.

Cool site of the day : DeadDreamer

"Just a wish and I will cover your shoulders with veils of silk and gold" ~ Anggun - Snow on the Sahara.

Do you ever realise how many leaves fall off trees daily? Holy shit - no wonder those gardeners still have jobs. I walk thru UWI every morning to get to my building. On the way there's great expanses of lawn adorned with trees of supposedly exotic species. They shed like fuckin crazy. Every single morning the gardners are blowing (I found out what leaf blowers do - duh) the damn leaves away. Then this morning the breeze blows and swish another hundred leaves fall to the ground. Good grief it never ends! Oh well I guess that shows uhh...life death..whatever. Let's see gardener shall not be on the list of my dream jobs. Sorry.

Last night I was drawing. Oh yeh. *gaspith* I haven't done that for a while. It's going alright though well I still need some measure of skill. Blah. I so need to revamp this site. Ok ok in maybe a month I'll start. I should have my machine by the end of the month or so - imagine...I'll be getting it when I'm in Tobago. Great. By the 24th I should be able to play! Woohoo! First to finish everyone else's sites though. :(

I'm a gonna read other people's bloggies now. *poof*

No one is blogging on any of the blogs. What the hell is going on?

I think I caught up on some well needed rest last night. Woke up this morning to rain :) Yum! It is definitely sleeping/cuddling weather. I wanna go home. *sniffle* Mmmm comfy bed...mmm snuggly sheets wooo. Ok ok...dammit shut up let me enjoy my sleep fantasy.

Interesting. *points down*

"We require our independence in order to grow and follow the direction that only we can direct. On an island we might be left alone. We are sequestered in our ivory tower of insular productivity." ~ Moustapha Venne

Hotmail's got this exclusive Junk mail filter. Haha let's se eif this really works. So any outsider mailers whose e-mail address is not in my hotmail address book, goes poofy. Course very few of you know my hotmail address, but those who do be warned :) Let me now update. Sheesh. I'm seeing a bunch of old addresses in there.

The birds looked nice this morning on the grass just there white on green.

I woke up and hoped it wasn't Monday, but it was. :( I seriously need sleep - I've lost way too much witin the past oh week or so. Someone take me away - vacation me.

Happy Birthday Nads!!!

Woo my cousin guestbooked :) Hi Chey!

My hours have been fucked insanely.

The net is slow and well everything else is around here.

I woke up, got by Kev, hung there, watching tv and listening to trance, got to the hospital hung there, came home. By this time it was after 7 I think.

And if I sound in a mood that's because I am ok now leave me alone. I want to scream, I want to say bad things that I know is wrong, I want to beat people , but *sigh*.
I'm so fucking tired of being taken for granted it's not fucking funny anymore. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Yes fucking stay there. Do whatever the fuck you want to do because I surely will move the fuck on. I guess I give a rat's ass but oh well fuckit to hell.

It's one of those things where eventually you cry. You cry yourself to sleep and hope things get better and when they don't you curse and cry a little more and move the fuck along with your life.

Holy shit. Within the last 24 hours I've gotten 3 hours or so of sleep. Isn't that just making me extra peachy. I'm up again - this must be the third night in a row, dead tired and fighting it because I'm discussing upgrade stuff.

I was exposed to coughing sicky child today. My nose feels funny but then it's been like that for a couple days. I can barely see the fucking keyboard. Goody.

The beach was nice though. At least - my "tan"is cool. Hey it's visible dammit. Mom says it's going to wash off and it's lame. Here we go again. And you wonder why my self esteem is next to nil. It's her all her.

Let me get to hell asleep.

It's 5 am. I am awake. I couldn't sleep after maybe 3:30.

I have been keeping up Stac talking about my issues for the past oh hour. I can't sleep because I'm thinking too much. Thinking about boys and their insensitivity. Course Stac is helping me to recognise this more, for I am a clown. Thank God for another viewpoint. It all boils down to this : I regret nothing, I know where I stand and I shall stand up for my rights. Does that sound smart enough? Good because there I was thinking I was a weak fool without control of self. Don't ask.

This is interesting. Hmm. Interesting to say the least. Guys who just want sex. Don't I know those :) Lol. Moving along.

Ugh mom is up. I'm out. Going to read Ask Men.com by request from dude in response to above link. Tsk.

Ok Blogger consumed my post. Damn UWI network.

It's Friday woohoo!!!! *does a little dance*

Dara just called and asked about the beach. Omg this girl rocks :) The first to reply hehehe. Let's hope we're able to go for the day -hey it's only a day dammit. Stef I hope you get the car and don't want to go to Pop Awards. Just think - the beach is cheaper. Oh Stef, Shaad sent to say hi and that you're a dog for not calling him. Woopsy. Which reminds me, let me e-mail him because he complained - the poor bugger. Yesterday I was heading out of campus when this dude honks me so I look to see whotf this is (freak) in a van beeping me. Next thing you know it's Mr. Fountain man. He stops at the side and we talk for a few, and then he decides to go seeing that the guard might have beaten him.

My mind is being boggled uncontrollably by the thought of a new computer. Wheeeee! I'm figuring you all can't begin to understand how I'm feeling, since this has been oh a 5 - 6 year long wait. Uh huh. I do recall now dad saying that the next computer that will be bought will be purchased by me. Hehehe. The time has come. Of course I still have some minor research/negotiating to do, else the people selling the system have to convince both him and me that this is the best way to go. Daddy dearest is all for a complete new already in stock brand name kind of thing. I would be too, but then, there are pros and cons I suppose. So convince me if you can. Adrian and Nigel.

I had a little talk with mom about my money and investing. That was so pleasant. So I'm investing money bankwise, investing in the computer, which will bring in money hopefully, and well at the end I can still survive. Of course now I need a job. Hah. After September I'll be in a tad of trouble, so I'm looking for jobs once again.

*good mood brigthens day/night etc*

Isn't my group bloggy healthy. I should go do some work I suppose. Blah.

So I'm thinking about an upgrade. Yip finally. The thing is I'm probably not leaving here anytime soon, so I may as well invest and put my talent to some good use and actually try to get paid for it. Let's hope my father agrees, else we have a plan B :) My budget - lol well...uhm. Paycheck required all around now. *looks at date* Darnit.I have to go to Tobago at the end of the month which is going to be a bit of a crunch. *CHOMP*

Oh right if anyone has spare parts to donate they'd be gladly accepted. My list of stuff needed would be :
Case and power supply, mobo et al, RAM, CD ROM drive, video card (pref)., maybe a modem since Adrian seems to think mine won't fit in a new thingy...but I'm sure it will.We're still having a fight about the whole ISA/PCI thing. Good Lord. I need to be able to do intensive graphic work (as much as I can) and game. I'm a budding Q3er so there you go.
Where are all my techie friends when I need them? Nothing else is going on per se. All your spare parts are belong to me. I wish.

"When you come right down to it, all you have is yourself. Yourself is a sun with a thousand rays in your belly. The rest is nothing."

My uncle is in surgery as we speak. Prayers and stuff welcome.

Fantasy pics are cooool. Awe inspiring - again I feel untalented and lame. Bleh. Thanks to Rav for the linky.

Boing.

Sarah is so cool. Freedom Sessions. Woohoo! It's soul healing, soul soothing.

"My love let nothing come between us, my love for you is strong and true, am I in heaven here or am I in hell?, at the cross roads I am standing"

I'm being overly good. Blogging from home and such. Opening my browser home - even doing some html stuff at home.

We're a bit better I think. Once again...tomorrow...I give in to my weakness. I'm doing it because what exactly? Ah well. Grr. There we go me being comletely enigmatic autre fois :). This is my internal battle I vent here - it's not for you to know.

I told him today that my blog is important (he asked why he should read it), because it is my emotions in text...the stuff that I can't say normally. that I don't know how to say. I clear my head in here.

The first thing I thought about this morning was Woman shut UP I want to sleep (this would be my mother talking as loudly as she possibly could on the phone)
followed by aww fuckk today is monday. Joy. So I rolled out of bed. The dream I was having wasn't exactly peachy either so it was all for the good I suppose. Not like I can remember it now.

Last night/this morning I was up at 2 talking to Stac and Stef on MSN. I happened to open it while talking to Adrian...hm - I just don't know what's going on there. So far I'm just trying to be distant somehow. Maybe space is the answer - maybe space will get me more annoyed. I'm tired of me fucking up relationships by being attention demanding caused by a lack of proper distraction. I also react badly to shitty situations stemming from my inherent bitchiness/brattiness. *sigh* Lethal.

I need me a good computer Hell yes it would solve most of my problems. Hell fuckin yes.

So I don't hate boys - most of the time. Maybe they're better when they're unreachable. Maybe I'm too comfortable with my life, with him. I'm doomed. I will give him props whoever settles me down. Hah.

*waves @ Chevy* Thanks for checking my entire site. I do appreciate it. Course it reminds me of how much I need to update this. Ah well - some people still like it :)

Kev passed by me today with his mom, sister, cousin and aunt, so my mother had a field day. Ugh. This whole mother interacting with friends' mothers thing has got to stop.

Mom kept asking me all day what was wrong why I was angry with him. I did not answer. That was just about pissing me off more. Then she asked if I spoke to him. Huh? Like I'm really going to call the person who pissed me off. Riggghttt. Am I some blithering submissive idiot right? Wrong.

Rule # 1. I do not call people who have pissed me off.
Rule # 2. I ignore people who move off with me.
Rule # 3. I do not stand for bullshit. I've been through too much.
Rule # 4. Never walk off on me without saying a proper goodbye especially if you're the s.o.. Your ass will be toast.
Rule # 5. Don't bullshit me - ever. Ok I guess 3 covered that.

I hate boys

I hate not having attention. I hate being chosen over something else which isn't even that important. Nuff said.

Fuck all of them.

Excuse me...mood again. It was such a nice day. Tsk. Stef...take me home with you next time when I tell you I goin home with you ok. People just like to annoy me a little too much.

Thursday Friday happy days!

Tgif. One again :) Whoopeeee! Mom laughed at me this morning for not getting a tan. *sigh* No matter though. Humbug.

I've dressed down today - jersey and my grey pants (again). I think I wore this last week. But it's comfy - I can sleep in this. Why am I sounding ditzy again? Lemme stop. See there's not much to do today so I'll be rambling on and on, but for fear of sounding like ditzchic supremis, I'll have to think of a worthy topic.

*goes completely blank* There's lack of cog movement today. So apparently I don't function well when I'm sleepy. I should be wide awake now shouldn't I? After 5 hours of sleep sure thing.

I want to go home. It's raining pretty much incessantly now so I'm stuckin work . Ugh :(
My headache is nice and flaring up again. Whoopdeedoo.

Yesterday I was telling my mom about the ditz site, so while explaining the concept of a weblog, she interrupts and says...so uhm you can read other people's business on there? Hah! If she only knew :) I'm extremely happy she doesn't surf - so naive, so ignorant, so blissful. Yayyy. Remind me to password this if ever she becomes a web guru. Next to impossible, but you never know.

Continuing the saga of my non tan :
Claudine sits next to me checking mail. We talk about this and that and get on to yesterday. While she was cussing her thesis and Word (which may I remind you, sucks), I was trying to sunbathe atop a boogie board. Like that worked.
Her : Uhhh yeh when you said you went to the beach I looked at you to see if you got a tan, but you didn't.
Me : Oh dammit! *steups*

Next time I have to go to the beach for an extended period of time please remind me to get some of that tanning oil thing to help me get a pretty tan or whatever. Actually last time I don't think it worked either... Maybe it is the sunblock - but no wait it can't be that, I didn't put any on my legs...

Anyways enough rambling about this crap. I need to see some good sites right about now.

*disappears in a splash*

Uhm Blogger just ate my post - ok so it wasn't meant to be posted or something apparently.

Ditz mode on.
I do not have a tan. Yesterday was overly hot and I tried my best to fry my skin - you know those yummy uv rays and all. I dunno if the sunblock worked because I'm still pasty apparently. I come in this morning, plop myself in front of this bigass monitor and start talking to Arvind.
Me : So what did you do on your day off?
Him : Nothing much wasn't really much of a day off - you?
Me : Beach - ok so apparently I don't have a tan.
Him : *giggle* Uh well (pausing to think up a lie) you do kinda. (Meaning - no paste freak you don't look any different)
Me : Yeh rightt. Sure say that noww.
Him : Oh I was supposed to notice as soon as you came in right? *laugh laugh*
*sigh*
Ditz mode off.

In other news. Lack of hotties at beach. No distraction. Suckass roti for lunch. Annoying little child who can't stop for more than 2 seconds without picking up something or doing something she shouldn't. Leash? Tranquilizers? Bah. She's turned from cute to unbearable. Thank God she's not mine. Me = mean. Live with it.

Ugh. Mood.

Once again I strike out at the people err well person I love. Yep I'm slowly fucking myself up again. Whoopee. Will I ever learn? Hmm. Will they ever understand? Hmm.

How come I always blog when I'm unhappy. People would think I'm always like this. Well I'm not. I'm usually cool and calm and collected and smiling and bouncy and funny (I'd like to believe so). It's such a big fucking difference to when I'm down and out and crying and in a generally puddle of emotions. I've probably mentioned this before but I hate it. I so hate it.

I hate hurting people but I do anyway. Me with my cynical self. Me and my attitude. I suppose I should be learning from mistakes and striving to be a better person and shit. Joy. When I get hurt it doesn't help either. Sure I should be thanking the heavens for blessing me with with these learning experiences. Yay. There aresome days when ya just don't feel like appreciating it ok. Frigit.

Happy birthday TK!

So I'm supposed to go to the beach today. No honey, just parents and annoying little brat cousin. Ugh. Help. Send me scopable items or good company. No I do not appreciate my parents' company - I'm a bitch like that. Excuse me for not wanting to be around old people.

Oh yeh and rabbit rabbit - let's hope this month is cooler thanlast. Or something.