I like you and I'm not gonna crack
I miss you, I'm not gonna crack
I love you, I'm not gonna crack... ~ Lithium

Have I already cracked?

Well I'm going out so thatt's always a good thing on a Saturday night! Keeps the sanity going. I'll be at Grand Bazaar - oh joy, but I'll get to see my aunt's band again - and see what's the scene in there. Casinos aren't for me. The freaks who are so concerned with winning...the looks on their faces - addicts. Scary.

By the waay I feel better now. Thanks A :) *hugs*

Mood not improved much. I should get out I suppose, but then I'll probably end up sour whereever I go, and in so doing, screwing up everyone's good time. Hm. What I need you ask? Eye candy avec lime would make my day. Someone told me today I'm unable to keep a man - this coming from an asshole of course. Am I that doomed? Hmmm.

Lesson for the guys around : Ignore your woman long enough. Don't ask why when she leaves you. Plain and simple. Call it lack of patience, and weakness, lack of ability to keep men, and all other evil woman things but hey, *shrug*. Fish, ocean... you know the deal.

Hah I'm probably going to get in trouble for these statements, but actually I'm starting not to care, and today I'm just saying what I want anyway. My old philo is going down today : Don't take shit from anybody. Righto. I shall make myself happy.

The site's still up despite that person's (*points down*) ability to curse it.

I'm really in a fucked up mood today. Spare me the bullshit about chilling out ok, I happen to be a woman, with hormones and emotions. Don't reccommend anything, don't say anything, don't feel sorry for me, don't patronise me. Only the girls will understand stuff about asshole men err boys trying to get to your last nerve on the planet.

So all I really want to do now is get out of the house and have a good time. Preferably with hot people/person and to be treated like a queen would rock. So I need attention - kill me. Distract me please.

take away the pain
fade it from my eyes
from my soul
pull it kicking and screaming from my system
this anger this hate
this jaded
too emotional
heart

Oh right. So my parents are again on my case. Great. I'm working it's one thing, I'm not working it's another. Oh for godsakes leave me alone for a fucking week or 2. I'm not 40, without money, a mortgage and 10 kids. Geezus christ.

Godsmack is helping slightly. Very slightly.

dry ... BLEHHHHHHH!

So I'm officially unemployed and well broke. Mmmm yum. I'm so going to wake up early on Monday. I hope! I have to start going to the gym next week though, so that's yet another thing to spend money on. Erk. Joy of joys. With no income, and having to spend money let's see every day, oh boy - fun.

So I won 2 games of pool tonight. Yay! Course this was cuz my cousin and I were just on a practice run, and well he made a stupid mistake - half the stripeys (mine) were on the table still. Then I tried playing mom, who happens to be worse than I am (thank God), she got fed up, handed over to an oldish guy, who sucked too, then my the 2 balls got in perfectly wheeee! If I must say - it looked pretty sweet.

*sigh* Still need lessons.

It's weekend. What shall I be doing? Hm. Someone take me out nuh. All you damn foreign people suck.

*does a little dance and thanks the router gods*

Stac feel better soon - knee ie. That's screwy - be careful! I'm only just getting to go through all your previous blogs - well at least some.
Everyone's on my back to do something or the other. Bah. I can't even finish the crossword I started.

My site is down again. Why? Fuck man. This sucks.

I woke up late this morning - yes fire me for that. *snicker* I waltzed in what 45 minutes late? Oh well. So if there was something going on well fine I would have made the effort. But there isn't so bleh.

I want to go home now and play with pixels dammit! Wahh.

One long ass day. I'm too tired to type right now. I need to get this web stuff sorted out.
This bitch of a flippin thing...
Hm after an hour it's finally over - kinda. I have to do my OWN fixing because depending on Jus is impossible. That's for the big transition though. Rav mentioned something about a mirror site but good lord...blogs..just think of the mess.

Shaun likes my site, and we're gonna collaborate on a piece - or two or however many we feel.

Hi dry - see we're back up! Nyah nyah.

I've gotten a whole lot of goodies from Russell - thanks babe woo this rocks! Yay. Think me ducking out of work as soon as it is humanly possible and coming home to play with pixels. Mmmm yummy.

Gnite. I'm dead. Hung with Reagan and the very interesting crew of his today.

The Express doesn't update their news before 9 apparently. The Guardian however updates nice and regularly. Actually I think I saw news once at some ungodly time of the morning and it was up to date, though it still needs some work as concerns correct links, working links, archives and links to stories relating to the current story. Maybe it's typical of a news site, but important all the same. The news changes at least.

/start MTV rant

This morning I saw the video again with all the artists singing Marvin Gaye's What's Going On. Really cool sounding - I'll even tolerate A-gorilla with her stupid lameass attitude. Even though in the song you can her her pushing herself in like the pest that she is.

Which brings me to list the singers I can't tolerate. Other than Aguilera (my more affectionate nick is A-Gorilla), Spears, Fagstreet, N'Stync, well you know the bopper pop people, then there are the older ones.

Mariah Carey is ugly. I saw her fleetingly on a MTV interview thing. Good god she's a horrendous sight. Yick. No wonder she had to have a boob job, no one would look at her face. Forget Celine Dion despite her octave. Ugh I saw her on the Telethon thing and I had run in the room to see whowas on, stewpsed and walked out. Nasty.
I respect that these lame/ugly/boring people have good voices, hell they are rich as can be, but I just won't buy their music. That's it.

You think I'm that bad huh? Heck no. Madonna, Janet, Eve, Pink, Gwen, Shirley Manson (as pale as she stands), and Alicia Keys are all very groovy and pretty etc.

Then we have a kind of borderline love/hate thing. There's Nelly Furtado. Mostly she sounds constipated, and for a pretty chic that's sad. I suppose it's her style and it's ok, but I hate that fucking Fly Like a Bird song. Give me a break. I'll sing along...these damn things seem to be infectious that way. Arggh it's evil!!!
I also love/hate J'Lo. She's pretty and I love her makeup. Some songs are alright but dear god where's the content? Do I hear ditz? Hmm.

Then there are the guys. I'm tired of seeing these damned white boys trying to be as black as they can be. You know they really want to burst out in a pop ditty.
Oh can''t forget the oh so typical tits 'n ass rap videos. Boringggg. I suppose not for the guys, but still. Blah. New concept already.
The bands that have somehow made it on the airwaves (we know how but we just won't tell), the overdone white trash punk/metal/whatever are likely to fade into the background and die after the first couple albums.

/end MTV rant.

I'm now listening to Ravi Shankar. Seriously good stuff. Bobby comes, drops this CD and says knock yourself out. Ravi Shankar Full Circle Carnegie Hall 2000. Excellent. Then there's the more upbeat and equally cool, Sangam by Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan and Javed Akhtar. I need some of this to do my work. Plan!

Blogger fooled around with my post. Ah well.

So I asked dry what i should rant about tonight - his suggestion : salt. Been there done that too many times. So in my time of boredom AskMen was suggested. Interestingly enough this provided much needed entertainment for the rest of the night - well sorta. It was nice sharing it around at least.

I've read way too many articles - from men to women, the players, the pussywhipped, the losers, to rant because I will go on way too long about all this shit. Plus I'm sleepy so tough luck. Ladies it's a good site to browse through, but then I've mentioned this before. Just a reminder :)

*yawn*

*looks at the newspaper and raises an eyebrow* Righto Bas. What's this about? Apparently, T&T's financial system possesses "the strength, the resilience and the integrity to withstand any attempt at destablisation." Big words eh? Okie dokes. I will sure fall for that hook line and sinker. I have so much confidence in my government. *holds fingers 1 cm apart*

I've got all these plans *gasp* floating around in my head, courses to do, jobs to apply for and so forth. Hmmm. I'll be checking them out and inquiring meanwhile though. I need a life. I've found a couple courses I can do (depending on how affordable they are), so, that should take up some time and give me certification...in something or the other.

Otherwise. *waves @ Shaun with his cool site.* This dude rocks. Did I ever mention how much I love artists?

Errrr....well you know...I'm not as out of it as I sound. Blah. Yes everyone's concerned that I might do something bad? Hmm. I'll snap out of it I promise.

I'm done done done. That's fucking it. Moving along with my life now.

"I can feel it coming back again like a roll of thunder chasing the wind" ~ Live

I don't know when and if this will ever end? I give people a chance to prove themselves, and they don't come through, so I wait again, I say ok...benefit of the doubt, and still nothing. Then I give the fuck up. I'm sorry. Maybe I'm a fool, maybe I'm not a submissive bitch, maybe I won't put enough effort into certain things, maybe I'm impatient, but I am going to be happy no matter what it takes, and I'll do whatever it takes to stay this way. Crying's not for me.

*grumbles*

Man. This sucks salt. I want back my site dammit!!!

Arghhhhhhhhhhh. dry's missing my site and well..it's supposed to be available to the rest of the guys to see it :( Grrrrrrrr. Today was the day it was needed - badly. Stewps.
Anyways thanks to Sharky I have all the Photoshop guides/books I could ever want in my entire life. Well for now I suppose. Goody :) Merci beaucoup.

I've had such a long day - I can barely think clearly. So many things to do tonight and I'm dead tired. I want my site up. *sniffle*

Bah dry you suck. See I changed it. I dunno why you're still up - I could have sworn you said you were leaving.
How about this? A refresh every 3 minutes or so? :)
Aww he left :(

Ok apparently I have no real time to blog. Too many things to do - html for Steffy, logo for Adrian, chatting with people.. goodness. Dd I say I was bored? Plus there are a few books open on the side. Uh huh. Ok I'm getting hassled for the logo. Geezus mother of god...

I'm posting this from work. I managed to get a Linux account thanks to Bobby :) He saw me catching my arse to deal with the shit Photoshop version on this machine and told me to play with Gimp and created my account. I'm on IRC, and well I Have to settle for Netscape, but at least the net is a little faster than when I'm using NT.

This rocks! Mandrake 8 is really nice. Now to learn Linux properly hmmm. I want this for my machine! Wheeeee. Ok I shall behave now.

Ok people. A teensy bit of editing. I was bored alright...well not bored...more like hyped. I dunno if you will like the new colours, but at least a few things are fixed and updated. I was getting tired of that old yucky thing with the links in a mess and all of that. More updates to come I promise!

Sooo I got things working over at Stef's blog - finally! The link I shall not give out yet because we're waiting for him to finish up everything before he publishes the entire site. But it's cool. I have at least accomplished something for the day. Now if I could only keep up the energy to do mine :) I did a few updates here actually. Check my front page.

So Stace has joined our group blog, just waiting for Karen and Avin now. Kev doesn't even check this page as far as I know. Tsk.

I'm out now - going to do more web stuff I think!

People if you see weird stuff going on the blog don't worry - it's only me testing stuff. :)

This place is so hot. Unbelievable. The fan is blowing a whole lot of hot air on me. Joy. I can't think, sleep, read, and almost can't type. Ugh.

S.O. is sickypoo. :( Get well soon hon.

*dies a slow hot death* Go away sun go go....go away humidity. I love air condition. Bah.

Stace ( I have to identify my Stacs now - ok Stac and Stace). Don't worry about having to become a mega geek. Most people in there want to be geeky and already are. I'm not sure what you expected to become - after all compsci...geek...usually go hand in hand hehe. *snicker* Awww. Poor you.

*waves to Juan* So hey my Spanish has improved. All the revising was not in vain. Muah! I hope to reach back to the level I was at a couple years ago, and get a bit better, so I can do something with this. I've got the idea floating around in my head to do some sites in Spanish and French. There aren't enough business sites with translations anyway.

We're going to have a little addition to our group of blog people. My friend Stacey who is yet another friend from way back when, has entered the realm of the blog, much to my surprise. Apparently she didn't realise I had one either. So exchange exchange. Link link. Hers is quite pretty and as you can tell she's a Final Fantasy freak :) Check her out! When I revamp I'll add in her links. Only today I actually got my whole damn site back, so I'll be attempting to update. Uh huh.

Damn it's late and I've done...a few things for Photoshop, Spanish, and not much else. I'm doing well aren't I? Sleep time!

I suppose I know what I want to do, I just can't seem to get a move on. I'm a perfectionist. *sigh* It has its good points and some very bad ones, the repercussions of which lead me to take too damn long to do whatever I have to do. Ugh. So I'm trying to get a job/internship/something to pass time while doing art and possibly (hopefully) making money. No one is taking me on at all. Righto. Sheesh.

Meanwhile I'm trying to get a move on learning all the proggies I'm supposed to learn. My monitor needs cleaning. I need sleep, but I'm downloading stuff and can't leave it unattended. Ohh that bed looks good.

Soooo what am I doing with my life? I'm confused now. Bah.

Oh my dear sweet Jesus. Check this out. Scary. Dread.

Where is everyone?

I got to bed a bit after 3 this morning. Least we caught up. I feel better now. Another fit of bitchiness gone. New week. Let's see how this goes. I woke up this morning and was revising Spanish. *gasp* No I can't believe it much either. I'll probably drop it in a while knowing how I function.

Let me try to get myself organised. I need to get some tutorial books, some cushions, food and a few hours at a time and maybe I can do this. I suppose I do have to start back training my brain. I feel guilty that it has beendormant for so long. The cogs are a wittle rusty. The inspiration to go on should be the oil no? Hmm.

Ding! Lunch time.

This chair is making a flippin racket. *sigh*
I'm suffering from some kind of attention deprivation thing. I'm slowly going crazy crazy crazy. I need some distraction. The Argentinian guy tutoring/helping me revise my Spanish was therapeutic for a little while, then things got lame again.

I miss you yet I would rather hang elsewhere.
I'd rather rush you off the phone.
I'd rather not hear your voice.
I'd rather keep my distance.
I'd rather be away from you.
I'd rather be lazy and don't fight it.
You have to understand I can't always be there.

Oh fuck you.

I sympathise with any important people who read this and see that I'm a raving lunatic bitch. Oh well. I'm not in a mood to care. This is my blog. My life. Go away. I've obviously had a bad day where I'm whining and bitching because I did not have things my way. Usual shit. Ugh. Die or something.

If you're wondering if I'm apathetic to people who are suffering more than I am. Well. I suppose I'm not, but give me a break. Mood.

5:48 p.m. No word yet. I be pissed. Friggit. At least I have some distraction with my friends.

1 p.m. still at home salting profusely.

It's already 10 and I've done nothing. The day is going and I want to go out dammit.

Wnna know why? I want these clothes and this!!!! This is nice too. These are decent I suppose. Dammit man. Reason to become a geek - the badass clothes.

I have not heard from him. Oh well. Nice voice either way...uhm I mean good art contact.

I ducked out of work as soon as things were safe. Another longish day. Walking out of work in that sun was serious UV basking I could have avoided. Oh if only I had a car (and would voluntarily drive it). Tsk. I got home. pleaded with the mommy to let me sleep after such a fricky week, and she was cool. The nap was a nice 2 hour deal, and I've been online since then, doing nothing productive in general, talking to my close friends and musing about life and people.

Fuck. I'm home alone and hearing these sounds outside. Phone is working. Yay. You know there should be a local online 999 service. These people suck.

Oh I didn't rant about the police episode. Hmm. That was fun. S.O. misplaced his cell in a taxi after he left me last week. Calling calling...a guy has it, he says ok pick it up, he doesn't wait for me to pick it up, it sends up in police station. Longass story to get the fricking thing. 0 communication in that station. I go to collect it - dude does not know. He goes in back/all over and finally finally I get it! Geez. Arrrghhh eediotz.

Did I mention I want to geekerise myself? Apparently I have to programmerise myself whether I like it or not...I mean yeh geekerising goes hand in hand with programmerising but dear god...*swoon* I do suppose I have a mental block because I was not taught it properly, or something. It's like Math I suppose. I do envy people who can do it. Tsk.

It's Friday. Because I've worked damn hard and may hours of overtime this week, I thought hey I can leave home a little later today. I reach oh a mere 15 minutes after designated time of arrival. I spoil people apparently I'm just way too nice. Like I'm supposed to be here an hour earlier every day? Come on!!!!! Give me a break already geezus christ everything is under control. Am I that inane to know there are critical things pending and come late? Hello? I'm so happy to be out of here soon.
That was the first thing to greet me.

I then proceed to check my e-mail. Right. So a potential employer couldn't get through to the lameass site this is so that's a few points down for me. Bahith supremith. Plus I don't even have my resum� on me. Note to self: Always walk with diskette containing resum�. Grr. Speaking of which let me call him. He's on camp which is cool. Brb.

I'm listening to Dido again. Why? I dunno. Just relaxing I suppose. I suppose I could turn on the radio but I haven't done so in so long.

I just want to feel safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again
I just want to feel deep in my own world
but I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore"

Ok so maybe I don't totally feel like that but I don't know I'm in a little bit of a mood. I keep thinking about the vicious cycles of broken relationships. You don't give me attention you don't get mine. I try to give leeway, you take advantage of it. I switch off. I suppose I'm to blame? Whatever. I'm tired blaming myself for the unthinking uncaring attitude of people.

I'm taking Vasograin� for my headaches these days. Migraine stuff - they work pretty fast so that's a good thing. I'll choose it over Panadol� any day.

"I'm tired and bored of waiting for you and all those things you never do, cause it's me and my life...it's my life."

I've been surfing through some women design sites. Very cool. Inspiration to revamp my site for sure. I'm striving to become as cool as they are or hey even better. Something to that effect.

Yesterday (or was it the day before?), I visited my old art teacher. Ms.Garcia (formerly Mrs. H as we know her), was surprised to see me of course. I think it's maybe been a year since I've seen her. I've lost count. Time just flies. So we talked a little bit before I headed home. The lady is just amazing - some may say eccentric, others clear gone and off her rockers. Oh yeh she's a true artist. Mad. Uh huh. It's cool though. Woman of faith, she dares do what everyone else shys away from, at ungoldy hours and with a car that could (and has) poofed on her many a time. She's got a new car to use now though phew.

She always encourages me to get what I want, by any means necessary. She's cool like that. Anyway maybe that's enough rambling about that for now. She did say to think about money instead of an artjob now...but I really do want to get me an artsy job. I told my boss today that I would be leaving, so she has to find someone else. :)

/me=happy bunny.

Today I met Avin. What an anti climax. I happened to go on MSN and there he was. He asked me where I was I said work - come. He was like ok ah comin now. There you have it. We had lunch and then parted to get home. Finally! It's been a few years well I've known the boy. Phew. Is there anyonepending to meet? Hm yeah ok a few.

Nice long blog. Well I'm bored. I'm considering geekerising myself. Uh huh. I'm way too backward dammit. Time for getting in with the trend I suppose. Follow the crowd, be one of the suckers who get sucked into the wannabe geek vortex. Baaa.

Maybe I should stop writing now? *whining sound* Fine. Gnite. Peace to all the souls that are roaming unable to rest. Looking back, I've really strayed from topic. I've also managed to listen to a rave cd after the Dido episode. I feel better.

The saga continues. I'm reading more and more articles and well..bleh. I don't know what to say anymore. Talk, talk, talk. Everybody's got something to say. It is overwhelming however the scale of tragedy...everyone I know has a story, a relative, a friend, a first hand experience. Lord ay. Can you say pressure?

It's 2:35 and I'm awake. Sheesh. I did half the stuff I wanted to do tonight, but otherwise Ive been chatting and doing nothing special. Erk.

Finally I'm home....so so tired. Geezus christ. So many things I'm hearing about this damned crisis shit. Too many things. We're doomed. Meanwhile I need to go bathe and take a wittle nap. Thank God I can do that much.

Excerpt from the Express : "The destruction of the WTC ... may disrupt economic activity for a short time, but it is not likely to affect America�s economic strength in any significant way." short being a relative term I think. Oh well.
You know what bugs me about reporters? They have an interview. They ask the same questions in 10 different ways. They get the same answers everytime. DUH. If they had an inkling of how the hijackers got past their intellignce la la la, they might give half a clue. Hello. Whatever info they're keeping back they're bold enough to say they are -mostly. Course if they's ashamed to tell they might hold it back, but some snoopy little reporter is bound to sleep with some official at some point.
Reading through this newspaper article I realise that whoever wrote it is full of shit and is annoying. If you want to read it look a today's Editorial in the Express. I refuse to post the link on my site. They can't write - it sounds like a lame G.P. essay. Course I probably can't do better but say what - ther's no place for it in the newspaper. Bleh. Ok I suppose the kiddies can get some use out of it.
Ah now see Kevin Baldeosingh and B.C. Pires have something cool to say. I can deal with that. Definitely.

Let me go do work. Torture myself, thank God that I'm alive to do such. Embrace the telephone calls, smile at the dozens of things to be done before the day is through, not weep when I realise I have to stay back for 3 hours and not be paid overtime, sing a little song because my shoulders ache and my feet feel like mush. Yeh man it's all good.

I need a life outside of work. I need a headache tablet and I need to stop hearing about the fucking terrorist attacks every other second. Geezus Christ. War imminent - hell yeah with Bush like a raving lunatic getting his revenge.Righto.
Sleeptime I suppose.

Oh looky I almost got my neck locked when I was coming home after dark. Ok not really, but I could have gotten robbed or something. That was scary. Remind me not to stay in work after 6 ever again please :) Geezus christ today sucked many heaping tablespoons of salt.

Everyone's down my throat to get a new job, because I didn't leave work when I as supposed to? Beyond the line of duty? There is no one else to do my job and there are deadlines. What would you do? *sigh* I just want to sleep.

New job. Pronto.

Question : Why do these goddamn frickin strangers want to pick up people on ICQ? After this weekend I must have gotten about 10-20 people wanting to add me to their lists. Why? Tsk. These aren't the people who I've added/searched for. *sigh* Things were so much simpler with micq. I shall continue to ignore requests for authorization unless they give a damn good reason or unless they're art contacts. Meanwhile I'll continue to play with the newbies. Did I say play? Uhh. I mean talk to :) Ability to carry on intelligent convo is always a plus, and you know most of these people lack such skill.

Yesterday mom bitched, so apparently I have to start paying the phone bill or something. Of course I could just get my own line and call it even. Hmm. *raised eyebrows* It would also help to be earning more money when the day comes. My dad is gonna have a cow - maybe, maybe not.

It's Saturday night and I'm home all alone. Well not alone, but you know. No one's online and I'm just about ready to head to sleep if things don't start getting cooler as the night progresses. Oh yeh...I suppose I have stuff to do offline. New plan made. Quake!!

I got me a new pair of jeans that really rock. Finally. Yay :)

Last night I was having a nice long talk with my s/o so something came up. You know how conversation flows, one thing just leading to another randomly. The next big plan would be to start going back to the gym...oh yeh I need it. I need to get skinny uh I mean..fit. Not about image I swear...

I've sent out a couple resum�s via my aunt, and I'm planning on talking to this other dude who is a multimedia persona. Just having local contacts right now would rock. If anyone reads this and is a multimedia person who can help out a newbie get her foot in the door into the field drop me a line please. Ok and I just sent my resum� to another person. Cool.

The night hasn't been entirely unproductive.

Baby sleepy.
*poofies*

I'm home today! *dances* I've done work at home - it's so lovely to be home. Wooo! Home home home. Whoopee! As you can tell I'm a very happy bunny.
I've done HTML stuff for the morning already. so that's a good start isn't it? :) I've got a couple more things to do for work, but at least I'm home. Yay!
I'm trying to update stuff on this new comp. *sigh* I want back my ICQ list. Waah.

Today was rather interesting, but I'm again in a strange mood, and tired soI shall go to bed now. As you can se I'm back online. Goody. Back to torture you people.

Soooo hi. Uhm. No mood. I'm in a very strange state of uh...limbo or something. Don't ask.

I wish my mother would not interfere in my life.

I watched The Mexican last night and that was actually kinda cool.

I'm in a good mood today surprisingly but it was after a night of depression and tears and Dido. Yeh well she cheered me up somehow and I got the courage to do something this morning I might have ordinarily been able to do...I wanted to cry all day yesterday and well last night took the cake so I did and it helped. Emotions again acting up. Ah well.

I'm going to leave here soon. Ducking work and stuff. *ducks*

I still want my modem. Damn you damn you damn you. I want net access at home. *sniffle*

I have a tan. And people noticed. Hehehe.

I've been looking at movies, playing games and generally wasting a whole lot of time gawking and drooling over my pc. Friday was spent at the beach as was yesterday. Saturday ended up being lovely and rainy and a good day to stay cuddled up in bed with a few good movies. I also got a severe tongue lashing from my bitched out parents. Ah well.

Army of Darkness is a very shitty movie. Don't watch it even if it's good quality. Take my advice. Please.