Woo hoo! It's early and I'm feeling dead tired. I've gotten no sleep for the day, so I can finally make it to bed early for once.
Someone wants company apparently? I shall not stay up dammit. Blah.
Oh beddy calling...mm so soft :)

Adrian's mommy's birthday is today. She won't read this so...anyways. Happy Birthday still I suppose.

Beach need beach.

NB : DO NOT DOWNLOAD : Tamia - Tell Me Who It Was Holy shit and that was on a friggin dance chart. Erk.

Sad songs? Oh gee I already put down a list there, but I'll try to sum up. Jus you have damn good taste...I want that CD too hehe.
Let's see a different top 20 huh. Ugh.

Sarah M - Do What You Have To Do
Toad The Wet Sprocket - Walk On The Water
Coldplay - Trouble
Lauren Wood - Fallen
Tonic - You Wanted More
Wet Wet Wet - Love Is All Around
The Gin Blossoms - Until I Fall Away
Dokken - Alone Again
Journey - Open Arms
Whitesnake - Is This Love
No Doubt - Bathwater
Extreme - More Than Words
Sting - Shape Of My Heart
Everything But The Girl - Missing
Mazzy Star - Fade Into You
No Doubt - A Simple Kind Of Life
John Lennon - Woman
Madonna - Take A Bow
Tears For Fears - Woman In Chains
Mark Isham - My Wife With Champagne Shoulders

Remind me to get these and burn them please. Ergh. I'm sure I've left so many out. That was hard dammit. Those songs all have meaning somewhere in my short life - they've always been there at some place or another so even if they're not that depressing...well...they're reminiscent. I can prolly make a top 40. Argh too many songs!

Wooo hooo! The strange people/persona be visiting here. *grin* I love. Uhm...just to see what will happen can I post that site again? :)
Actually it's sorta shameful to have them visit such a lamearse site. Bah.
*runs to update and learn Flash* Urgh.

/Add Daft Punk - One More Time Amber - Sexual to playlist.

Apparently The Bangles : If She Knew What She Wants reminds someone about me.

I'd say her values are corrupted
But she's open to change
Then one day she's satisfied
And the next I'll find her crying
And it's nothing she can explain

Indeed.

Oh look what I found. Hah!

"What they fail to understand is that what women want more than anything, is the unattainable guy, the guy who is slightly aloof and enigmatic. To you Psych majors, the guy who's not trying."

Lol. Oh so that's it. Damn and I always thought...damn and you know it's right! *thinks* Whoaaaaa. It's very goddamn true. Crikey. Learn something new every web page. And this was the page of tips to keep women on their toes, to keep us interested....to keep them (dudes) as "unattainable". How long can that go on for? Oh well it's all in the fun.

I'll be surprised if someone other than the usual suspects read this and can actually comment. *hint* Surprise me.

I'm on my own tonight. I refuse to converse with anyone. The solitude is meditative and I'm reading through quite a bit of stuff here.

Andrea Spencer's articles are mad cool. �ber is it! I'm also perusing through AskMen. Makes you think.
So there's Andrea with the love/hate man bashing buisness, then there's AskMen talking about beautiful women and recommending not trying for one...and "move down the beauty scale a notch or two". Hm. "Unfortunately, too many guys will put up with all kinds of abuse, just because the girl is gorgeous. It's dis-empowering to do that. Guys, you must learn to not be willing to do anything for you know what. Just keep in mind that a girl who rates a 10 will sink to a 1 after she's nagged and badgered you for 2 months."

You wonder why we man bash. Ugly girls don't have a chance, pretty girls get left for the average saccharine ones, but in the end they all end up the same way. We all want the same thing primarily. We'll all become raging emotional messes. We will always want attention love respect etc. Idiots.

Men want sex. They get sex - sometimes. Women like emotions. They get emotions - rarely. All in all I've become such a pessimist. I'm not swallowing (not literally) the bullshit about emotions. I try. It half works. I keep trying to tell people to say hell to friendship first. It's all about sex. Only. If some emotion gets in the way well someone or the other is whipped beyond recognition. Note italics above. Now if only I could get those emotion things out of my life and become a cold blooded user of men for physical and/or mental satisfaction. When you learn to have a man's attitude then you see how tables start to turn...

What is mental satisfacion you ask? Ah. A sexy mind is a hell of a thing. When you compare it's just wow. You look at your other minds...the generic kind, then you look at the uhm...let's say the caviar of the crop. Whoa! Looks can be deceiving indeed I know this, but hell, the unreachable is always a more fun challenge isn't it? Mental satisfaction pushes all boundaries of physical. Physical plus mental is a severely lethal (damn sweet) combo though. Oh my word. So you can fall faster than a rocket ...into the flames of forthcoming emotional trauma. So you go have your fun. Maybe there is more emotion than you thought...on either yours or the other party's side. Then we get into the shitty end of the bargain (after the more than likely good sex). Boredom. Do you move along? Do you settle like dregs on the bottom of the fortune teller's cup?

I wonder how I'm rated. Not like I want to know but there's morbid curiousity..and I only want it from certain people. The (seemingly) unbiased ones. But then they'll always be biased. Blah.

Is there any hope for me? Is there any hope of getting back to that sweet person I was once - the sweet naive idiot dreamer romantic? Probably never. I look back and smile a little. Ah. The life. Not sure if I enjoyed that or this more. I surely have no regrets about the now. Despite the monster that makes up my DNA, I kinda like it. Dunno why.

Argh! Sleep now isn't likely. Back to networking if I even get offline now. Downloads have sped up.

Don't take my heart don't break my heart don't don't don't throw it away

Dars wants fricking bubbles on her site. No eh. Hear me woman. No bubbles. Right. I have typed.

No calls no care. Feeling strange and alone again very apart from the world. Rant. Cry.

Ah Stace - crush hoaxes are always interesting. When they turn out true it's even more fun. Crushes. Blah. Moving alll the way along.

These one liners suck. Shows my mood I do imagine.

Downloads taking forever. Good music would help I suppose. Morpheus? It's friggin slow. I'll try reconnecting though. Maybe I'm looking for rare songs which end up on some 33.6 modem user's computer. Grr. Modjo - Lady (Hear Me Tonight) is groovy.

Tonight=not cool. The girl is haunting me. Annoying me. I wish she'd disappear off the face of the earth out of my life out of our life out of everyone's life. Evil. Ugh honesty is a bitch. Back to asinine little underaged looking-for-as-much-attention-as-possible girl. I wonder how akin I am to her, then I think I have way more class that that. I suppose the difference would be that I'm not sluttish and do remain with levels of sanity, no psychobitchiness, and respect for self. *gasp* Meow!

Lemme just say what I must right now because bottling it up isn't going to help and I can't tell anyone this. I can't talk to the person I would like to with this. Confused. Making myself confused actually. Stupid me.

It isn't fair or less painful (actually it's excruciating) when you see people who are wayyy out of other people's leagues even communicating with them. Jalousie? Mais non. A clashing of intelligence. I am way too full of it and I tend not to care apparently. Ah. Maybe I go too far - maybe I am way out of certain peoples' leagues and just don't realise and look a fool to them. Reasons why I keep distance. Maybe it's an inherent geneological thing that I do behave - at least try desperately. Going with the flow and not caring. Ok caring, but trying not to and to like...flow with it. Take me where the current runs baby.

I'm clearly immature. Ugh. Here we go with the self confidence going down the drain again. The decisions, the words, the looks, the feelings, the vibes. Trace is not a very happy bunny tonight. Speaking of bunny...at least this made me laugh.

Mr. Goaty asked if I can sleep tonight. Nope. Not with all of this shit on my mind. He goes to sleep happily. Sweet dreams.

The music is helping...slowly.
Current playlist :
Modjo - Lady
Sophie E Bextor - Take Me Home
Sarah Mc Lachlan - Black - William Orbit mix
Sarah Mc Lachlan - Fear - Hybrids Supercollider remix
Everything But The Girl - Wrong - DJ Sharaz Night Sky mix
Jamiroquai - Liitle L
Janet Jackson - Someone To Call My Lover
Robbie Rivera - Feel This - Tribal Sessions mix
Ceevox - Imagination
Coldplay - Trouble
Madonna - What It Feels Like For A Girl
Lauren Wood - Fallen

Mellow + dance. Weird.

Here's a repeat on the scary site from a little while ago. For those of you who didn't get it. I had to republish some archives to get it because somehow I lost the bookmark. Sheesh. Now I know the url offhand dammit. Nyah!

Move a little closer baby...move your hands all over my bodaayy

*yawn* I awoke at 8:30 this morning. Of course at 11:30 I couldn't sleep a wink. Looked at the clock around 12:45 muttering obscenities about a certain person who had little faith (goat mouth) that I'd be able to sleep. *glare ^2* Looked at Photoshop - played around for a few minutes, decided to get my ass back to bed and try again. Somewhere along the line it worked I suppose, though I'm guessing it was possibly near 2. Ugh. The goal would be to make it through today without sleeping. Highly impossible right now.

I'm taking no calls - especially from the office...they want me to go in and help the new girl. Yesterday was supposed to be the day. Hah. They'll try to get through..mwah. They won't - hopefully. I am away. Dammit. In the Arctic doing research on icicles. Or something. Course I'll take calls from anyone else. *snigger*

Apparently Stef is having the same feelings as Adrian...something about shooting, getting shot - all that. Wow. I so do not envy you guys. It would be a sign that I am occupied if I start saying shoot me. Oh look Stac has reached there too without really saying such words, she makes it clear she also needs to be holed by a firearm of some sort. You poor souls. I'm thinking soon Jus and Stace will be complaining too.

Impulsive shopping. That's what I get for leaving the house today.

*munch* No wifs healfy foo scheereal.

I woke up and wondered if I'd posted what I was going to in the first place. Apparently I didn't.

Stace - what in heavens... Oh right and Wheel of Time and Ender's Game are great - well so far as I've read. I had gotten through only part one of WOT, and about 3 in the EG. Never actually finished that last book. Wonder if Rav did. We were racing each other to finish it first etc. Don't buy it - Rav has all...nice little text files. Well big text files.
Lol@pr0n. No comment. I'm scarred indeed. *sigh* Ugh@travelling.

Stef leaves Thursday for Shecahgo. I will miss him and his blogs. *sniffle* Let's hope the hotel room has net access...it's America for christsakes! Wireless? Hm. Anyways rambling. I was just thinking about that funky XP thing Gates did in Starbucks. Scary.

Everyone's on my back to get a job. Do I want one? Ideally I suppose that would be a good idea - to have some steady stable income. Sure. I must be crazy eh? I am. Mmm it's wunnerfulll! Muhaha! Kev disapproves - as always. Do something. I shall I shall - I don't know why everyone worries so much. It all works out. This artsy life that I live that no one truly understands.

Happiness.

"And I have the sense to recognise that I don't know how to let you go"

I slept so much today it's really been an atrocious weekend. Wickedly good sleep.
I swore I'd be in bed by 11 in order to straighten out these mad hours I've been clocking. *looks @ time* And I still have not posted.

I was also compiling some phone numbers. My address book (hardcopy) is once again in a mess. The year's almost up though, so my other appointment book shall get a fresh update.

Screw 800x600 resolutions. So I finally made it over the ocho cientos line. Hmph. Excuse me for being a late bloomer.

There's light all around. It's been rainy so there's a pretty mist all around, with the rising yellowish glow of the sun coming up over the mountain. Fantastic. Where's my camera? Erk.
It's 6. I've gone on this little downloading spree all of a sudden. I was changing my clothes, when the song I'd forgotten popped back into my head, I came here, did a quick Google search, found it and downloaded it. Yum. Sophie Ellis Bextor - Take Me Home.

Oh so appropriate. Grim reality strikes. Tsk. Never ever the right ones.

Time flies so quickly I've been home more than an hour now. Argh. Everyone but Dev is asleep.

Should have partied. *sigh*

I'm at home. Yay!

dry saves the day or smthng

My bed has been taken over. No sleep now for sure. Waltz in my room...wondering why my fan is on...turn on light, look at heaped figure on bed. Woops.

Hooking back up a computer in the dark is rather interesting, and surprisingly there's been no trouble. Goody. Music back up net there and my NIC. Well done Oro. No thanks to Nigel whose lame ass I still must kick.

aRgh. I'm in the frigging lan wondering how in the fuck I'm getting home later. dry uhm? appear please. :-/

Ohhhhh Stef!!!! Pics!!!
Comments : Who is dat sexy man? Heh u lookin too sweet, and somehow more clean shaven than when you're over here. Hmm laziness.
Shu lookin uhh younger than he was when I last saw him (I think).
Reza...well dear god help us all woo hoo...

How is it that hot people always come out looking damn good? *sigh* They're forever photogenic. Which I am not. :( Fine I'll be the photographer. Cute people needed to pose. Mwah!

F u c k i t y f u c k

There was a talk. Which ended with someone falling asleep on me. Right-o. La di dah. No more to say. I move along with my life and await something to happen. Good or bad? Well whatever. I said what I had to - waiting to hear what he has to. If ever there be anything. Ever.

E-mailing Justin now. Will I ever get sleep?

Question of the day : What can you do when you suspect your s.o. is cheating on you?

Symptoms : phone calls stop. talking stops. your phone calls get braced after 2 or so minutes. I am getting the hint you know. I've seen it before and I don't like it when it's happening to me. Karmic backlash? What did I do in previous life to deserve such?
C o m m u n i c a t i o n B r e a k d o w n. At least I'd like to know so I can stop feeling like the big asshole in the story.

That said. Moving along. *waits for reaction from all and sundry* I really only want reaction from one person, but if that person will find it his heart to actually communicate conmigo. That'll be a grand surprise. Whomever wants to comment feel free. Catch me on ICQ or MSN. Don't worry too much about me. Despite the bitterness, sadness and upcoming indifference I shall survive.

Now to get out of this hellhole of a house.

Happy Birthday Adrian!!!!!

I'm up way too early this morning. Way way too early. Just started downloading some more music though. Here we go again. I haven't spreed since last week so it's high time.

I heard this song for the morning. I always remember Jaundis-I singing it so it always is pleasing. Goes well with current world theme.

"Until the philosophy which hold one race
Superior and another inferior
Is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned
Everywhere is war, me say war. ~ Bob

On another note this would be true in all aspects of life.
"Certain defects are necessary for the existence of
individuality." ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

When did I get appealing to guys? How did that ever happen. I'm in constant altered state of shock when this is made clear. "You are hot I like you" Right. Uh huh. I sooo believe that. Come better with the convincing. However it seems no matter how hard they try I still doubt it. Very much.
*shrug* Blah.

And after some emotional outpouring I find out it's all a ploy. Mess with Trace's head. Very good Nigel I have a beating for you on Saturday. Damn bastard.

Oh and I found out some stuff tonight from someone. Someone who I never thought would say a nice word to me said he wouldn't mind seeing me naked. Okay then. How scary is that?

Incoherent rambling off

Nice new layout Stace. Pretty! Sorry to hear you're sick :( That sucks. Lime tomorrow! Yay!

Off to bed. It's early still...sorta - though this last convo may take a while. I don't like people upset with me...

*Hmms @ image not appearing in blog anymore* Oh well...it's on the page. Let's hope it stays that way.

Incoherent rambling on.
Sleepy oh so sleepy. People hate me, people love me, people like me, people tolerate me. Which ones do what I wonder. *shrug*

Why do I feel so jaded, so alone, so dismissed? It's not like I'm not trying. I am - I so am. This is testing the last drop of patience which I seem to own...invariably. I call - brace. I write - no reply. I try - 0 response. Right. I should take this because? Love? What's that again? Remind me minus all the bullshit. The rambles continue.

I have no tolerance for blithering ninnys. I'm such a cliquey bitch and I don't care. I like people on my level. When someone understands me it's amazing. Jus I need to talk to you. Seriously weird nostalgic bittersweet mood. Plus you owe me an e-mail or two. The comfort of your aura. Not when you're drunk though. Scratch that thought.
Plop right back to reality. Michelle and I may have more in common than I previously thought. Hm anyways.

Enrique Iglesias is trying way too hard. Thought he claims to not follow in the footsteps of daddy-o he's worse than the parent. The heroic romantic shit is getting ... ick. Someone sent me the Spanish version of Hero - that new annoying song. It's at least not as constipating sounding as the English version...but all in all. Nauseous.

Oh great. Trouble - Coldplay. Now that sure gets me in the mood for more thinking. Geezus christ. Not good.

Oh no what's this?
A spider web and I'm caught in the middle

Stef I need to learn to do some spells too. Not quite sure what yet though.

Hm shall I continue to buff my nails and polish etc? Not a bad idea indeed.

God whatta blog. That's it. I'll blog again when there's something important to say...or not. You people must know how crazy I am already.

On another note.
Communication problems plague me - in more ways than one. I despise such. Miscommunication, no communication, no net as the case may be - they all suck consummate salt. Speaking of which, from that I thought about Jade's no salt zone pic, and decided to go a-hunting.



I'll post them as the mood hits. So when you see it know. The salt.

Those goddamn tests. No more I say no more.

Last night I couldn't get online. *gasp* Salt indeed. I played Quake all night long. 4:32 and Trace was up fragging the life out of....ok well getting fragged. Lets leave it at that shall we. Meanwhile things were locking up or some unknown evil reason. *sigh*

I hate when people are upset with me for reasons unknown...at least to me. But then...baby behaviour sucks.

Who's your fairy?

Your fairy is called Buttercup Reedglitter
She is a panpipe player and enchantment singer
She lives in clover fields where fairy rings grow
She is only seen in the light of a shooting star

My runes were cast :
Past - Peorth - Dice Cup - A secret. The fickleness of fate. Best not to know the answer to your question. A danger sign. Act wisely and succeed.

Present - Yr - Yew Tree - Arrow to target. Tree of life defeating all else. Hitting a goal in spite of obstacles along the way.

Future - Wynn - Joy - Happiness and fulfilment. Success at the end of a long journey.
Yay!
Idleness indeed, but it's fun and pretty. I'm sure you bastard are gonna do it too.

I AM 21% GEEK.


I wanna be a geek. But I'm not. Why would I even want to be one. Do I think it's fun? I should try writing an online test application at 1
am in my underwear.

Errr. Right. No eh. That won't do.

"Earlier, the US admitted that three of its bombs had missed their targets over the weekend." Right. Good.

Boston postal workers fear they're going to be hit next? Hm. Ungrooviness. I see two more people died and I'm figuring the others will too who are now seriously ill. Ugh.

Currently reading through i-Net+ Study Guide. Eeenteresting.

Cocky Bastard. Uhm. I'm just lost for words. Weird is the only description possible. The photography is sweet though. Look!

Happy Birthday Stace!!!

So I was up at 9. Kev called moi ranting about his run it with random chic in car who was apparently stalking him.

Liars suck. I miss people too much. When they're gone I get this little empty feeling. Frig it's already almost 1. Done what for the night? Argh!!! Have to do up some serious CD art scenes right now. Ugh.

Blueberry Morning cereal rocks. Indeed.
I treated myself to Hershey's Cookies n' Creme chocolatta *sigh* and Combos.

Stef whatta hunk is Bob. Set me up.

I'm going to try to get to bed early tonight. I swear!

Finally I'm home. Got stuff done today like a good girl. Not what should have been because I'm an idiot, but it'll do.

*falls to bed and caps out* You think I'll go to sleep early tonight? Hah.

I'm fricking incoherent. G'nite - for now. Watch me wake up and stay up late again.

This is getting ridiculous. Argh and hour after and I'm still up. Dev's fault. Must...get...sleep...
Hm I wonder if Jus is up - the little insomniac.

I'm not ashamed. I think.
People send me your results.

3 am. Again. Christ. Can you say body clock messed the hell up? This will be so whole week. I will be going to the lan again on Saturday. Argh. Peong.

I have to do stuff today..must must! I was just trying to clean up the pages. Man...erk. Got through half of what I want to do - thank goodness. I'll probably start over tomorrow, knowing me.

Whatta waste. I am so completely cracked it's not funny. I went into town today, spent endless amounts of money and it was such a rainy day...a really good day to stay in. I woke up with a sudden burst of html energy. *sigh* Coulda done that - though the battle is on currently to revamp the entire site and add some new work. (Finally I know I know).

Flip. I haven't posted yet. Hourse going by...and I'm writing an e-mail. *sigh*

Why am I up again? I have stuff to do today. I could have sworn that was going to be my last post for the night. Apparently not. While I get cosy with my solitude, once more - no one really talking...everyone asleep I can now blog...properly. No distractions. Feels good I suppose, though I've definitely been enjoying the company. Especially when the company is damn good company.

I haven't been this quiet inside my mind for a while. Alone with my blog. Aww how sweet. *snuggles*

I'm torn between two worlds, between people, between the choices that once again plague me. It's there yet it's not and I'm just sorta in limbo. I keep doing this over and over. I'll never learn to let go - sometimes. Or do I let go too fast? Confusion.

Am I a bad person just because I can't seem to keep a relationship healthy? Because it seems to be always my fault, my boredom, my attitude that thwarts the balance of things? However, c'est moi. Maybe I'll never settle down. Not knowing what I want is hell...but I suppose it's "fun". Heartache? Fun? Har. Sometimes...at least it's living.

I'm looking forward to more. Sorry random little vague comment. I hope I keep you guessing. Course looking back I realise how many meanings that holds for me - geezus...

It sucks to be a chic and being complicated and artsy all in one. Acceptance with grace? Mmm well...I don't know. Sometimes yes sometimes no. So I'm fighting it down to the last feather...incoherency imminent as you can tell. It's after 3 and I'm sleepy but I'm trying to clear things up a tad.

My horoscope just coinkidinkally mentioned that maybe I'm hiding something from myself and I have to be honest with self in order to move along. Obviously. Not quite sure what it is yet. I'll be stuck in limbo forever. Erk.

"Nobody knows it but you've got a secret smile and you use it only for me"

I remember when that song mattered. Maybe it matters once again - maybe it holds significance.

Photography is getting more and more interesting by the millisecond. Oh my. Oooh la la!
Dammit dammit dammit.
More friggin sites.

*puts on puppy dog face for daddy to buy her a camera (again)*
My god.

Distraction for the night I say. Yet another thing to blow my mind. Argh.

I declare today hot sexy man day.

Little list of Latino singer hotties. Who cares how they sound?

Chayanne - he sounds damn good too.
Alejandro (love that name...shall not say whyy) Fernandez - different music.
Carlos Ponce - not bad - pretty eyes. Haven't heard music yet.
Alejandro Sanz - another Alejandro. Nice music so far from the clippys.

Very good. Do I sense a pattern here with hot Alejandros? *looks @ Jus* Blah nevermind.

Niceness. Helloooo :) Don't ask me how or where - just enjoy ladies (and gay men). Woo!

Mom had to be the one to spoil my nice sleep - or attempt at getting one. Ugh. Brring. Phone be ringing...
They be coming home...talking loud...cooking..food smelling. Argh. So I had no choice - plus this place is damn hot. Bah.

Just now I've been going through everyone's blogs. Lol@Stef being an e-mail bastard. Jus I await your reply. Stac take it easy. You people worry me sometimes - but then I worry you sometimes. Nice little cycle. Hah I love you people.

Err I did say I was going to comment on pr0n didn't I? Hm. I'd say it's lame and stuff but then for you guys who need it...well...I sympathise or something. Ok I need not think about this now. I'm trying to to recall if I ever commented on this before. Hm. I suppose for those horny times it could work but the cheesiness is just too much. I will spoil it...like in one of those couple things....hmm anyways...although I'm probably just talking a whole lot of nonsense. Still won't keep any. Sorry. Waste of space :P
I have a sekret stash of hot boy pix though...I should create a nice little gallery for the girls...one day :) Wait...I lost some! :( Never fear Google is here.

Boys are really funny. Last night I attended my ever-so-rare lan party. I'm getting more than 1 report of me being "hot". So uhm...why I didn't find this out before eh? Less than 5 scopables in there...and those reports were definitely not from any of them. Bah. Some are just unconfrontational - like me. Dammit :) As I commented earlier : I wait to be pounced upon...after it was suggested that I do the pouncing. Righto.

Sad I say. Sad.

dry sweetie ... it wasn't scary :P Try harder.

Just one thing before I sleep. Hi! Mornin :)

I went out. Woo. Out of the house was good. Hanging with the gamer boys well...wasn't a totallyyy wasted night. La la la :) Whose birthday is it today? Hmm. I'm prolly missing someone...ah well bad me again.

Bed calls. I'll talk about pr0n later today when/if ever I arise. Haven't quite made it to 5 am for a long time.

"Passion chokes the flower till she cries no more"

One Saturday morning. (Nice beach day) *hint hint*

One bored person.

Ugh.

I'm thinking about Jus.

Oh right. Before I forget.

Happy Birthday Luigi and Eric!!

Hmm I want all of Justin's music. Well A L O T of it :)

That CD is sounding damn good if I must say so myself. Braggity brag.

I'm sleepy - yet with all the good music I'm hearing, I'm getting in this serious party/liming mood. Ugh. Not fair at all I say. Someone? Take me out nuh?

*grumble grumble*

I'm on this serious techno downloading spree. It's almost scary. Gotta get the cd cover printed dammit - which would require me going by my uncle and *look @ the hit sun* I'm not feeling to do that. Course there's umbrelly. ARGH! No excuse! Dammit.
Here's a list of the songs - well it keeps changing, but generally :

Madonna - What it feels like for a Girl - Paul Oakenfeld mix
Sandstorm in the Summer - Darude vs ATB
Paul Van Dyk ft St. Etienne - Tell Me Why
Fragma ft Maria Rubia - Everytime You Need Me
Tenth Planet - Ghosts
Delerium ft Sarah McLachlan - Silence
Shaft - Mucho Mambo Sway
Alice Deejay & DJ Jurgen - Higher and Higher
Sarina Paris - Look At Us Now
Darude - Sandstorm
Ian Van Dahl - Castles in the Sky
ATB - 9PM
Amber - Sexual Club Mix
Paul Oakenfeld and Bjork - Sex Drive
Sarina Paris - Angel
ATB - Don't Stop

I guess I'll be adding and subtracting along the way, but this is generally it. Cool? :)

Fun. Not.
Stacccc I want Jaundis-I mp3's toooo. I want I want. Hey can you resend the e-mail you sent me last week to my usual address? Hotmail's a bitch.

Speaking of local artistes. I heard Lisa Johnstone speak last night a la radio. She's grown up - her voice has way matured. Sounds purty good. Then there's bro bro Scott, who is in Incert Coin. The days of Brown Fox seem so far away...argh now I feel old. Bah. Wait a sec. *looks through site* Adam! Hmm I wonder if it's the same one - anyways. They were actually on this same local show last week sounding pretty hot. One new song called Butterfly is very woo.

I have to admit, I've been out of the local band scene for a while, not taking them on, being disillusioned beause of the lack of originality et al. I seem to have a couple of their cds though...amazingly enough...haven't listened to them properly. *ducks*

Eminem shares the same birthday as an N'Sync member - brr. All this learnt from MTV. Ugh.

Lol @ no salt zone.

Stef - if you heard the Sons of You song called Northeasterly Winds...oh my word! I have Blame on cd hehe. I still love Arts no matter how vexating he is.
Enough of music.

I'm listening to Masters of Chant. Wow. You know how normally this stuff tends to get boring after a while? Not so with this album - songs like Losing my Religion, Scarborough Fair, Fade to Grey and Tears in Heaven are definite winners. Whoa. Here's a review with all the songs on the album. Nicely.

Well that was scary...my site just disappeared for a few minutes apparently. Hmmm. Someone went - but all your links are dead. Me : EH? *quickly checking and screaming, then breathing sigh of relief a couple minutes later on a refresh* Phew. I really should switch over, but then, the advantages to Rav spying..hmm oh well.

Happy Birthday Rob!!!!

Hah I'm a narcissitic bitch :) I'll now be the third in my blog group to link this. Good lord! Can't remember the other stuff I am but ah well. They're all moderate to low.

So, *snicker* Anthrax in Trinidad? Hmm. Let's see what happens with that. Funnith. Brr. Now that is so not cool. Snail mail sucks anyway. Apparently they have Cipro...do they have enough for paranoid peeps? Hey in my test I was not paranoid dammit...just moderately I think.

I think I was supposed to be starting work now - I'm reading news and doing other stuff that is completely unimportant. Bah. The TV calls again.

For the past 2 and a half hours, I've been stuck on the same damn page, reading up on 3d animation soncepts etc. This has been going on since yesterday. Good grief. Then I was researching some game tips...*sigh* I'm getting wayyy too distracted...and then there's the people I like to talk to so much. ICQ is evil. But oh well :)

So I discovered this new type of rotorscoping animation thing tonight. Very kewl. The new movie called Waking Life looks pretty damn awesome, so that's next on the list of stuff to get. Check out the site. Beautiful!

Done blogging for the night. Dammit to hell. Can't get anything done. I'm doomed.

Happy Birthday Darsypoo, Arthur, Nick, Antonio!!!!!

Happy Birthday Miche and Cobo!!!!

So I believe there are about 4 birthdays tomorrow if I'm not mistaken. Sheesh!

Err there was something I was going to say. Of course distraction again. People (who I don't mind talkign to), Tetrinet (ahhhh the addiction!) and uh...well that's all actually that has kept me back.

I cleaned my wardrobe today. *gasp* Someone was here who needed some clothes for his wife, so I also got rid of some of the stuff I don't even wear. My good deed for the day? Hmm oh well.

It was nice to wake up late today :) After some weiirdddass dream it was almost a relief. Something about evil and landscapes and mountains and waterfalls and weird people and powers. Yep...like a Salvador Dali meets the X-Men. I had powers! Woo! But it was scary as heck.

Anyways. Yesterday I got dragged to the beach after lunch which was alright. The water was nice and warm and seemingly clear. However the numbers of people and clean water do not go hand in hand. Let's not think about that now shall we? Despite the lack of eye candy it was well worth the sweating and ass-aching journey to actually get there, until some nasty high/drunk/freak people ventured too close to us. It was time to roll.

The sunset was really awesome. I wanted to just capture hundreds of shots of it...oh my werd...and us coming from the east with beautiful scenery all around just enhanced the experience. I was falling asleep, but kept myself awake just to see the dying embers of the sunset. Yummy.

Only on my way back, in my sleepy stupor, I realised..oh..shit! Today is the 14th isn't it? WOOPS. I'd forgotten our anniversary. Very good. Bad Trace bad bad. You see you people with your birthdays distracting me like that? Bah! I knew the damn date...frickles n pickles. My bad on that one. Ergh.

So the spat was settled I think. I'm just slightly perturbed but anyways. Moving along.
As for the letter it will be ignored. I've gotten no help with it and won't - I understand why...and well I'll work on it in my own time (or maybe not muhahhahaa). Let her salt. I care not.

Erk erk erk. Someone come and teach me Maya 4! Noowww. *sniffle* My talent - where does it drain away to? My toes? Maybe...just maybe...

Trace's plea for Christmas: Santa yo I beggin from now kin I get a digital camera and a Wacom tablet? Pweese? Wif a cherry on top? I'll build you a web site. *angelic grin etc*

dry wants to anti-blog. Lol. :) No I'm not laughing at you, merely with you.

I would post properly, but I'm so sleepy, so I'll say this only for now. I called. Yeh kill me but he wouldn't have.

Happy Anniversary babe!

*zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

Last night I got offline and phone rings. Kev and Stac on their way after a dinner thing. So we hung till almost 3, they went on their way and I got to sleep. We had discussions about playerbitchhos and soforth. Kev as a Libra is one of those :) *looks @ dry* Mmhmm.

There was something deep that Kev was trying to put across to me last night and up to now I can't remember what is it and what relevance there was to what we were discussing. It was prolly something about relationships. Joy. And he's so full of shit he was all like I'd be thinking that he's right all this morning. Righto. If I can remember I'll think about it.

Err he did say something about me not being able to handle being a playabitchho...or something...or handling one of them...blah whatever. Stac? If you can remember lemme know. You were half sleep though..and well we were all freezing. It's so hot now. Ugh.

Well I restrained myself from calling...that was pretty hard but I mad it. Now to get through tomorrow. Looks like I'll be sleeping in again. Yay.

Wow. Damn this whole site is very cool.

Maybe I should call. Erk. I care that much? I'm such a suckerbitch.

Hm. So I just had one of those dreams where you dream you wake up...*sigh* so realistic...so...cool...and yet it brought me to the grand realisation that that will never ever happen and things aren't ok. I could call like the sucker I am, but I don't really want to upset myself anymore. I have a life as unexciting as it may be and I'm not going to make myself more depressed. The dream was good while it lasted.

This makes it 3rd blog for the day. Good grief. When you're lonely eh?

Passionfruit juice is cool.

Happy Birthday Pooh!!! 75 years woo!

So otherwise in news today :
Trini politics - shitload of assholes
V.S. Naipaul - whoopee ding. Bitch.
Anthrax - more
Afghan attacks - more people dying
Carlos the Jackal is going to marry his lawyer - freaky
Michael Jackson n N'Sync - fighting it down with cd's that can't work on pcs (but on macs rofl)
Asteroids named after victims of U.S. attacks (Compassion, Solidarity and Magnanimity) - so what about the victims of the Afghan attacks? "On average, a hundred a month are given names" You'd think...but I doubt.
French baby boom - they're women are the most fertile in EU? Uhh note fellas...

"Over and over I feel it
Boyfriend you're alone
You must be out of your mind
Jellyhead, you've really blown it" ~ Crush

Well I just heard that - seemed half-appropriate...*sigh* No calls no e-mail. Righto. We move along shouldn't we?

I be home. Hung out by Kev (overdressed for the occasion) - whatta setup. Bahith. I just had wine...I'm a wittle sleepy. I'm also half hungry but that'll have to do until breakfast. Those bastards started messing with my bag, inspecting its contents...throwing it around....my frigging camera in there. Sheesh. Click film door opens up. Poof. And I'd gotten a groovyass sunset pic earlier. Grrrr.

Ok I'm starting to say anything I want to people now. Sign that I should sleep? Oh well.

MAYA ROCKS!! Hah oh my werd...I need serious tutorials on this. Ugh..training..needed...badly.
I'm off to hang out (hopefully) for the rest of the afternoon/night.
:)

Euughhh...this morning the phone awoke poor moi @ 7:15. By this time I should have been up and moving, but I wasn't - I don't know why. Just before I slept I got extra frustrated. It's a little hard making decisions by yourself when it's supposed to be a team effort. When you get no support from someone who needs to at least try to understand and offer some kind of assistance, it's really uncool. Here we go again with the realisation that no one's your friend and no one gives a rat's ass about you. Every man for himself...no don't bullshit me and say no how is that true? It is...take it from me.

I wonder why I'd given up before? Maybe it's this exact reason which I see looming again. If it continues without relief I shall have to take action no doubt. I have to reply to that letter...and I can't until I get some kind of...support - somewhere...from the source that is. Fuck.

Can I be more vague? :) Maybe. Only the close will find out - but the close haven't inquired - maybe I'm kinda happy about that too - or otherwise neutral. I suppose I will explode at someone...or him at some point...though last night was ...well only half and explosion just a baby boom.

I'm sick of men. Good to look at, good to do other things to, as for anything emotional - I need some reassurance of such. If you want emotion from me, better fucking show me some. I turn off. *click*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEVY!!!!

Why am I still up? Hmm. I've done nil for the night. Zippity zip. *sigh* I acquired Maya 4 today. Sssh. dry send that damned book. Uh please.

Darude is hot - in more ways than one - and he' s got a hella kickass site.

I'm sleepy - waiting for a damn file transfer to end - it's the Enrique Iglesias - Hero (spanish version). Lord. Ugh - it's not even that good, but it'll do I suppose.

200 buckaroos for a 5 fricking minute checkup/cleaning dental appointment. I'm not kidding. Cinco minutos. Ok apparently I hung with too many Venezolanos today.

My umbrellypoo was a hit! Hah he's so cool :) People were like ohhh where did you get it, it's pretty etc. This happened like 2 or 3 times. Course walking with him is a tad of a task...when the breeze blows I start feeling like Mary Poppins...or just about to be blown away. Good grief - but as sun protekshun it rocketh!

Last night I actually got work done. Wooooo. Listening to Sarah might do that to you. Creative stuff sparking and working, plus the fact that I couldn't get online might have been a factor. I had a miserable night of sleep. Somehow I was up early - too early this morning, and when I finally got back to sleep, I was awoken soon after by some annoying music next door. I could have sworn something had gone wrong with my mother and she'd left the radio on (with gross loud music) and I was already pissed. Amazingly enough I'm mostly awake now and there's no damn music. Oh hell.

I have to journey into town this morning woopee! *looks @ already hot sun @ 8 am* Very good. Anyways I have an umbrella :) Chunky but that's how I wanted it. My tummy's feeling funny. Erk.

I hate dentists (sorry to all the cute ones out there), but I really do. Poking around with alien instruments in your mouth...man...and you dribbling or something. Ick. I've gotta see mine today. Bah.

Lol... I'm just looking at all the endings to my paragraphs. Oh hell, erk, bah. Do we see a pattern here? :)

So there's idle time where your mind wanders back to the problem at present.
I looked at Meet The Parents when was it? Saturday? Some time... Uhh..where was my point? Oh right..there was a scene where the chic (forgot her name) is in her kindergarten class telling them to close their eyes, visualise their problem and scare it away.
Boooooooooo!!!!!
Didn't work. If only it was that simple...maybe it is. Maybe I'm already over it and ready to move along.

I hate this fucking N'sync song. They're playing it way too much. *fires up Sarah et al*
"And I would be the one...to hold you down..."

I just saw the video (well most) of Trouble by Coldplay. Wooohooo! I love the style. I just want to find out now how they did it. I'm guessing it's a conglomeration of 2d, 3d and some kickass skills. Erk.

I'd post this letter I got last night from a certain female, but that might be getting way too personal here. (I so wanna do it!) Info will be available upon request, however I'm not sure I want to talk about it much because the whole thing is a generally fubared situation. Here's where I have to make decisions again, choose to ignore it and move along with my life that was going along just great and I didn't need a reminder of anything in the past, or I can take it on and ruin something good. Fuckity fuck. Pressures from all sides. What's right for me? *sigh*

So anyways. I'm still unemployed and happy :) I just found out that I didn't get the job because the scope changed and they're looking for someone with programming skills. The poor dude's all in a mess because they need a whole lot of skills in one. Where to find that here? I know other people looking for that as well. Artist, web designer, programmer and generally a groovy person. Hmmmmm. Pressure. So if anyone by chance is interested let me know.

Oh father lord.What the fuck...Blogger's screwed. Badly. :(

At least I'm getting to vent - but still. Sheesh. Well maybe this is my opportunity to move stuff over one time. Ugh...

I'm insecure jealous and salting again. Life needed! Blah.

Oh I didn't even realise you updated the about page Stefs. Great :) *blush @ name mention and praises* I love you too dear! I've been a bit of a tough/lazy cookie in helping you though - for that I am ashamed. I see most stuff is working, but something's still fonny. I'll talk to you later to work on it. There must be a way to fix that funky archive link...or whatever...weird. Blogger is sucky sometimes.

Speaking of fix..I need to kinda switch over to Justin's server. Jus? Where are youuu? Actually I'm scared as heck to try out anything in case Blogger does funny things (which is always the case). Blah.

What the hell...as soon as I logout and try to fix Stef's Blog stuff this message comes up : "Sorry publishing is temporarily unavailable. Please try later today!" Oh so merrily. Grr.

Latino bitches. Tsk. Assholes. I cannot deal with such idiocy. There are lots of whorebitches out there. Yes Stef another one to add to the diccionario.

Happy Birthday Cheyenne!!!!! Happy Birthday Keisha!!!

"You are my sunshine my only sunshine..."

Lord alone knows what or who kept me up last night, yet I awoke early (grumbling because my body was unable to sleep some more). I think mom was up early and her shuffling around the kitchen didn't help. *shrug*

The TV is on in the other room - BBC scenes. Good Lord. I'm hungry - I need breakfast. Bah. I'm also doing work...and I need a bath. Why am I even telling you this? Excuse to type.

I looked at some stationary yesterday - very pretty, romantic, cute stuff. I realised how long I haven't written a proper real letter - like that. I remember my penpals - I've stayed in touch with one friend Christiane since Form 1...which was what 1992. Man...I'm old...that's almost 10 years and that's scary as hell. I've known Dars and Stace etc for much longer. Brr. Only last night Stef asked me how long we knew each other...4 years...already? Yip. Wow. It's been cool. I'm getting all nostalgic. Must be the lack of food.

Man...more Anthrax. Joyyyy. I'm so happy not to be up there now. I don't care what they say...can't be spread from person to person my ass.

Anthrax - not the group.
Werd. Sooo we're thinking biological warfare? Ya think Osama is gonna crop dust the U.S. ass with some Anthrax? hehehe. Hmmm.

I'm learning to play Poker - again. Or was it BlackJack I'd learnt before but forgot? Speaking about cards, I wonder if there's a Trini All4's site. Hmm there are so many different rules, I get annoyed and confused. Help? Someone must have a compilation somewhere.

I suppose you're wondering why I've been so seemingly oblivious to the war shit that is going on. Maybe I'm in denial that this is really happening, maybe I'm not close enough to it, in my own world.

Looky @ Bushy : "I know that many Americans at this time have fears. We've learned that America is not immune from attack." No duh
"Together, we will confront the threat of terrorism. We will take strong precautions aimed at preventing terrorist attacks and prepare to respond effectively if they might come again.'' Mm hmm. Riighhhtt...you hope.

*sigh* I've already warned Stef to get his ass back home if stuff starts going down...seriously. That goes for everyone else who's away from home...

Alright stop the traffic, Trace has gotten herself an umbrella. He's such a gorgeous hunk of uhh wood/metal/cloth, all blue n grey n pretty.

So I got into town early for my interview, walked around, looked in the lamest stores I've seen for a while, looked at horrendous prices, then got moving along to the office. I love what they're doing with those old Colonial houses now - refurbishing and making it look groovy.

Anyways so that went alright. He seemed to like me...but you never know with people. Wouldn't I like to get into peoples' minds. So who was I to bounce up in the office (place made up of several sub offices), but an old acquaintance from school. Convent girls are everywhere. Even in UWI, there were 2, in our lab alone! Geezus.

I got out of the taxi, getting back into town, visited my friends at TSTT, saw my boys (*waves @ Daleyboy & Stewart*) and the girls, headed over to the Excellent got stuff and walked around again looking at ghastly prices. *sigh* I have many birthday gifts to acquire, and then Christmas is coming up. My god - it's going to be love I'm giving this year - no...love as in...love nothing else - don't get funny ideas. L O V E. Ok? Got it? Good. Capice?

Did I mention I was getting a lesson in Italian from this guy on ICQ? The damn thing's hard (or maybe he's a bad teacher). He can't speak English properly and I don't know Italian...though the sound is close enough to Spanish to understand a little...or grab a concept or 2.

Speaking about Latinos. Well that was some interesting convo earlier...whoa. Dude was actually horny enough to call me... anyways that's a story for the girls. We shall speak ladies. The boys aren't allowed in on this one. *evil snicker* I've been good I swear. *grabbing halo and wiping off the smudges*

Muha! Jus launched the sitio : Sons of You. Course well Arthur *points and stuff* has been a meaniepoo lately. Hmmph but I'll link you anyways cuz Numa rocketh. Bah to Arts. Blehhhh. I hope I was one of the first to visit though. All the other suckers should be asleep.

It's 9:26 and I haven't done anything other than have breakfast and I'm here checking out the sky, wondering about hurricanes, and wanting to hit myself because I didn't make the extra effort on Thursday to get a damn umbrella. Frick. Where do they sell good ones though? Someone? Tell me?

Bush was being so civilised when he said he wants Bin Laden "dead or alive". What he and Blair really want to do is kill the fcker.
BBC has some nice coverage. I hate CNN - have I mentioned this already? If so well...there you go again.

*eyes closing* ...woo oh my..yeh? bed? you calling? coming dear... :)

Mmm so...I have a job (*gasp*) interview tomorrow. Is this good bad or ugly? Such a dork am I. We'll see. I guess this weekend wasn't so fcked as it started out. Thanx dry.

I think I have a good few ppls' birthdays coming up, boy oh boy what a month it is going to be. My cousins, my best friend, my s.o, the hotties, Kevy, some more friends...and the list goes on.

I'm camera-shy yes, and I like being behind the camera so pose for me dammit. It's not fair when the person you want shys away from the cam :(

Right so I was blogging, then someone came and opened somethign else on the damn page. Then closed it. Very good. Good distraction no doubt. :) Finalement. I've been salting for weeks and finally some relief! I apparently need weekend distraction though, considering I'll be salting for another few weeks. Bah.

My god...I've been on for too long, and have't posted anything yet. Talka bout more distraction...excellent. A grrl always need such when loneliness sets in. Will continue later.

*head drops to desk*

Euuuhhh. Uhm. Yeh tomorrow...Saturday - nice...not like it matters to unemployed me or anything.

*plop* I passed thru town eventually - but it was such a blehish day. My goodness. Well at least it wasn't overly hot.

Things I learnt in Port of Spain today :

Radioshack is wayyy too expensive.
I'll have to go up to Park St to get discounts in Excellent. Bahhhhhh. My feet were not happy today for some reason.
The local Payless is shitty amd the store is claustrophobic and the employees are lame.
I want a powerpuff girl (Buttercup) keychain - which I could have bought but wasn't getting a good vibe from the store.
Catwalk has xl clothes that are really m. I'm not kidding.
There's no new stock in the stuff I wanted - clothes, shoes - you know the deal.
It's pretty damn boring (it wasn't a good scoping day at all)
They have cheapass umbrellas which I refuse to buy from street vendors. I want one like Bobby's - a monstrous thing that a vagrant might be able to inhabit. No I did not buy the umbrella.
The only things I did buy were lunch and batteries. The other money was spent on travelling and something for mom. Whoopee.
I've got alot of Christmas shopping to start doing, and I'm clueless. God it's that time again.

*sob*

Why do I feel so lazy today? I'm supposed to be in town all now, doing some shopping, and dropping off cds for Russell, but no, I don't know why I can't seem to move from the house. Looks sorta rainy outside and well I was planning to buy the umbrella in town. *shrug* Tomorrow for sure? Haha. Oh boy. Maybe I *should* go today.

I do believe Shape of my Heart ~ Sting is one of the best songs ever! The man is still sexy...ah...one of those with the most powerful aura you can imagine, and a presence that overwhelms. His lyrics just rock.

Goodnight. I'm so tired. That sun was extra draining today. *passes out cold*

"All the lonely people, where do they all come from?" ~ Eleanor Rigby - The Beatles

So I'm on a song spree. Shoot me. I'm also getting hot speeds, so while this lasts I'll take advantage of my access to good music.

*looks outside @ sun* Ergh. I have to walk in that? Please remind me to buy an umbrella sometime. Actually I have a lot of shopping to do, mom wants me to go into town with her - which will end up a shopping spree, of which I cannot afford.

Hi dry. No I'm trying not to miss a day of blogging.

I've become a mp3 downloading freak. *sigh* It was about time to be sucked into the evil void. Argh. I've gone mad with the techno stuff, and well Rav's ftp has gazillions of stuff, that I'm just stealing. I'm getting alright speeds so that's always cool.

Ok so I have to switch over to Justin's server, but I'm just overly lazy, and the counter and stuff aren't working. Grr. I'mnow checking up on TheCounter stuff and the stats are looking strange. Ah well. I have to update all of this shit. Joy. Lemme finish downloading this song and get my ass offline.

Woo my first day home and I'm a happy little bunny. It feels awesome to not have to dress up today. Maybe I'll be singing another song some time later on.

I am so un-coordinated it's not funny. Yoga rocks by the way, but then I've mentioned this before.

My inability to blog properly/rant is getting ridiculous. Ah well.

What is it about flowers teddy bears and babies with girls? C'est la question du jour!

I see someone has been listening to Ravi Shankar and Nusrah Fateh Ali Khan too!

Last night was salty even though I was out - trying my best to scope. Didn't work for long - and you know me and boredom...I become its friend after more than 10 minutes. Didn't get to go downstairs to check the teenybopper scenes, but I do suppose I didn't miss anything. The band was alright, we laughed at the other band as usual...Tsk. Nothing much else to report. Oh well the bartenders are hot bastards.

Haha this is funny you guys. Got it from Jus. I'm 27% gay. Less than Jus hahaha :)
"That's less gay than average for someone of your gender and supposed orientation. The typical straight female is 32% gay!" I did well!
Talk about idleness for the night.