Look at the time.
I'm in this mood again (no far from horny) that just won't quit, and more and more things are pissing me to hell off. GATT is driving me insane for now. The disorganisation is driving me up a wall. Grr. I thank the stars for Dirk being such a good team member for the project else I would just go off. He's keeping us organised. I can't say I am being very good at it because for instance, right now, I'm blogging, when I should be putting up new info on the site. I was working on it earlier, but some small detail pissed me off and I closed the fucking thing, and went on to write a ghastly bitching e-mail to the other admins.

I have to get out of the house early to get to UWI (bah), then to class. Wonderful. I'm not feelin particularly peachy about class either. Hearing the tutor's voice is half irritating - but somehow bearable. The secretary just annoys me a whole lot more. I'm hoping I'll be all creative in class. Every day you go you have to do a piece, so by the end you have about 16 pieces, which are printed and portfolio-ised. I hope I get a copy of it on cd as well.

Dear Lord give me strength to cope with blithering idiots today.

Stef cut his hair and is showing off with Shu's digicam and contemplated why he's here.
Stac is alive with no life (aren't we all?)
Stace is bogged with work and is apparently..."vanilla". Ok then.
McKain is depressed...as usual.
Miche isn't blogging...as usual.
Jade is fond of berrating lesser mortals - comme moi. We're bad like that. Sucr�!!!
Dr�'s birthday passed. He isn't bloging much tho.
Jus is...Jus.

Maybe I'm reading way too many of his blogs...lol...but then it could be my generally weird sad/happy/cool life. Back to bed.
Nasty amounts of work to do now. Fun.

Trace is still bitchy.

Agggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need someone's blog to read.
Is today everyone's depression day? Almost everyone I'm talking to is in a serious bad mood.

Plastic smile throughout class. Class consists of another girl, and 2 boys. As you can tell from my chipper mood none had any impact whatsoever. I guess because it was first day they were quiet - or maybe just lame. I already don't like them.

Guy 1 looks like he has an attitude. Was late. Looks unspiffy. Cell keeps ringing in class. Getta frigging vibrator battery.
Guy 2 seems rather clueless and out of it everythingwise. Was very late.
Girl is quiet and unobstrusive. No opinion on her - she can pass I suppose.

We have assigned computers. I got a nice old ratty 120mhz IBM that takes about 2 minutes to load up Illustrator (8!) and apparently does not load Photoshop (5.5!!)
The secretary spelt my name wrong. You know how much I hate that. It's cool and all that we actually have our own work folders (without password protection mind you), but spell my fucking name right. It's on the form for godsakes. I hope to clear that up before a certificate is printed.

Being slightly familiar with Illustrator before, I imagined I'd be a little ahead, but I not that much. I managed to pick up a good deal, so it's not a complete waste of time and I'm open to it and feel a bit more confident already. I'm gonna play - but I have so much other work to do. Dammit. The only thing I have going is a 1/8 ok piece of work from class. My tutor was duly impressed by shortcuts I used. (Go me!) The secretary who was helping out, sat there sorta glaring at me because either I looked better than her, or she thought me geeky at first and then when I could show I know my shit she was slightly taken aback. Hah! Of course I have a computer...of course I have the programs...yes and I know how to save files...omg I have a working knowledge of Photoshop. *gasp*
She doesn't know what blank cds you need to buy (yes a normal data blank cd) "jus ah cd that does burn" wooow.

Trace is being snotty and evil again

Minions. Peasants. Pshaw.
Hehehehe.

I'm sorry I'm not feeling in a particularly chirpy mood. I don't want to have a positive outlook today, I don't want to put on a fake smile for my new class, but I'm sure I will.

I'm reading Stef's blog and commenting on just about everything :

I notice artist, teacher and hard times in the same line...and am not surprised. All ah we.

Everyone has a digicam cept me and Stef. We're bitching about it too. I hate Damion now. Just tell him that for me. The bastard.
I want one!!!!! I think my dad though is considering, but I don't think he knows which one out of cam, wacom, or cell to get. Haha. Saturday I heard he was asking mom about cell prices. *giggle* Remind me to start going out a little more and not calling. *grin*

I've found no one new online. Oh right and our threesome this morning, Stef moi and Stace...well I know he enjoyed it. We just man-bashed. Woops!

Apparently I have a slight foreign fling thing... Hehehe. What? It's a boost for my dwindling self-esteem. Send me to Arizona. Go me.

I am a big clown I know. Stef's gonna laugh.

Blogging helps my mood I suppose.

*puts on fake smile and gets outta here*

Hmm Justin blogged. Whoa. Jus - did I mention that Vaughn is looking exactly like you now? Guess I didn't. Holy shit. Saturday, my God, he was walking out of the building, I glanced to my left, and was like..WTF! JUS! No wait...Vaughn...SHIT! Then another time, walking behind him...wtf! Jus!!! Walking... And the Osama facial hair just ... helps with the overall Jussy look. Goddamn. How's that for brotherly...something.

I've been writing. Imagine that. Poetry.

Oh god I have to wake up later. Classes start on the morrow. The secretary sounds like a dipshit. Wonderful.

A slight throbbing headache has plagued me all day. Sleep shall be sweet tonight I hope. Last night I had strange dreams - sort of like a bad omen or something.

I hate my ditz-sounding blog. I'm also depressed with the talent I see out there. I need to kick all their collective asses. Dammit!!

Depressed period.

Carpe dieum

I am the archive of our failure.

Feels just like I'm sinking and I claw for soild ground,
pulled down by the undertow,
never thought I could feel so low,
oh darkness I feel like letting go.

Talk about insanity.
"Last night I accidentally went on a date with somebody I didn't want to be on a date with, and then I got mad because he didn't try to sleep with me so I didn't get the chance to turn him down. Today I am contemplating therapy."

Everyone in my office seems to be under the impression that I am smart and responsible. My plan is coming together nicely.

Today my supervisor confided to me: "I feel like I'm five years old; I should be at home playing with my trucks." He asked if I ever feel this way, and said, "no," and he replied, "you will." Oh dear Christ.

Now check this Haiku Stef and Stac :

The AM Commute, a Haiku:
People in my way
I suffer from sidewalk rage
Cursing "Move Damn it."

The PM Commute, A Haiku:

Tired weary souls
No one will offer a seat
Eyes glazed, limbs static.

Stolen from The @ Work Nettwerk's Mundane Tasks and Capitalist Pig-Dog Commands. Yes. It exists. Pig command eh. Hmm. I need a job.

Re : Men
Excerpt from random late night boredashell convo

me : nobody cud find a man fuh me...i go find chics fuh allyuh?...
J : you too picky re man
Die!

Right so there are guys who actually want to fuck/have a rship with me (LOL@relationship)? Other than revolting male specimen? I wish the good looking cool ones who actually want me (uhmmm somehow I don't believe one exists btw) would fucking say something! Stupid boys. I give up. Really. Last night I was talking to someone about it. I told him that no really hot guy had ever liked me. (Exs would kill because of such a statement but...anyways, only 1 reads it - if at all - will he give a shit?)
Correction on that. No really hot guy who I scoped etc etc. God...and from now - no offence to any exs. Dammit.
dude : NONE?
Me : No...that that I know of.
There it stands.

It's late and I shouldn't be writing exactly what's popping into my head. This could cause stuff like oh..incrimination.
Anggun is now putting me asleep now finally. Oh sweet sleep. Forget this post ever happened I tell myself.

Trace doesn't make it her business to tell anyone how she feels about them just like that.
She is a wuss

That's a screwed up name actually. Hestia. Wtf.

Rufus doesn't think my entries are any of the following "on voice, verbosity, length, profoundness, choice of icon, longevity, how regularly they comment on my entries, or/and fragmentation" I may not comment...but I read. *sniffles*

See which Greek Goddess you are.

Have 2 words. Go me!

*snicker*

Happy Birthday JeroMe!!!!!
Happy Belated Birthday Christiane!!!

Lol more @ LOTR stuff.
Ok you wanna see diary writing mister blogger man...come and get it! Bitch!

Am bored. No cable in the bush. Scrambling sucks.
No men around to wrap around fingers. Picked up one but oh well. For unmentionable reasons will not say why he unwrappable - or something
Dara has an online fling. Not me. Am v. sour and bored and feeling useless and unproductive.
Stupid boys. Who needs em?

Think dude was v.hot yesterday. Did not tackle. Hoping he is not gay.
Stupid hot gay boys.

My mountain looks naked. Bastards. Want to strangle them. Nails not long nuff anymore for jugular incision. :(
Today was good for beach. V. sunny and coollike. Damn wanted to lime. Did not. Slept.
Got annoying kiddy visitors instead for short while. Ick!
Stupid kids.

Ok nuff of that.

By the way I am requesting from now : One (1) complimentary ticket to Pier 1 cooler fete. Please? *puppydog look* N.B. Will not sleep with you for it (unless you are overly hot/disease-free/sexy/ungay/cool - hah!)
OR One (1) really cool sponsor. O : )
*mwah*

LOL Stef.
Lol @ tourists

Stace - where the hell do you find this stuff?
Lol @ LOTR shit.

with miserable pathetic look

I'm hoping this techno will revive me. "This one is dedicated to all the ravers in the nation"

5pm on a Sunday evening. Good for a few friends, somewhere cool, fun talk. Something. How many people are home bored now? You think we'd get together and not be bored together but 'tis not the case apparently. We're lazy tired bastards.

Yesterday I managed to pick up/get picked up. Just once. Alas. That's what you get for hanging with guys all goddamn day. There was just about one scopeable dude though. Buffed (wow) half Chinese dude - popped out from nowhere. Damn...he's been hiding from me. Damnyoudamnyoudamnyou. Oh well. Sorry I didn't get picked up by him. His ass was flat anyway. I just realised that people must have thought Dirk and I were together because we were liming! Agggghhh!!!! Noooooooo. Bah^2. *sob* Grr. Not that there were good enough guys around. Geek overload. Too many babies.

Many bunches of sour grapes.

No one is noticing my hair. Bah. As if anyone notices me period. *shrug* I'm supposing I looked dreary and sloppy yesterday? I don't know and I don't care. I was comfortable despite my ass killing me from sitting down for lengthy periods of time staring at the screens. Good Lord.

I should go back to sleep, but I guess I've overslept my quota for the week. I should go read my Illustrator manuals to get a feel for it before class starts, although that's what dad's paying money for. Let's see how good these bastards are. On the other hand I'm a slight over-achiever in these courses, and I want to be on top. (Bah power-hungry bitch am I) I want to have such a kickass portfolio so as to knock everyone's knickers off.

My Single Mingle Mix aka SMM (no not S&M) lime.
Kevin is a bitch and doesn't want to lime with my "faggy" friends. Like I care. Stac he still has my prezzie :( Beat him.
Otherwise I don't know what we can possibly do.
Let me tell you from now : Pizza Hut Valsayn=no. Corky's=no Chelsea's=no^10. Understood? Right.
Does anyone know if the food at Little Lisbon is good/affordable?
On invitations again whoever is good lookin and single may attend.

Stace it's a winner. Really. *mwah to Viggo* Dude lookin scrumptious!

Forgot to say that I cut my hair yesterday. It's about neck length now - was mid-shoulder before. Q don't kill me. My mommy says it looks cute, and so does Stace so boys don't matter.

I have nothing to blog. *gasp*

I've been meaning to blog properly for a while, really I have, but other matters have just taken priority. I got out of my bed tonight, despite the lack of sleep that is plaguing me, because I remembered I had to do something online. Here I am, wide awake. Hell. I'm in imbo, and the only thing I can do is blog, and talk to folks. There aren't many around right now.

I want to be creative. I'm surrounded with the art vibe. Give me a good paintbrush, some paints and I'll give you something to shout about. I'll work for 6 hours and finish that piece dammit. I need to get more depressed and do more work? Something like that. I need to keep a decent level of depression handy to disguise the pain.

Fuck it's after 2 and I'm not in bed. Geezus. I've been caught up trying to compile a bunch of music I want. It's pretty hard to do actually - surrounded by so much yummy stuff, not being able to get it all. Ah well.

Fuck Valentine's Day.
I'm planning a singles lime maybe the Friday after V-day. I forgot to mention that. Ladies, cute fellas, you're invited. Let's say no to vday. It's evil.
Not sure what we'll do. Pig out and some restaurant? Hopefully put out all icky couples period. May they die. Not Jus and them though. Hmph.

Ehm..that (*points below*) wasn't published? Why? Ah well.
So it's after 6, I'm up - bright eyed and bushytailed.
I do have to get up later, meet Dirk, reach by Stacey at some point, maybe go to the hairdresser. Something like that I believe.
The trucks have already started working. Gee whiz.
Apparently something's up with the archives...good grief this site needs serious work.
Another day, another set of work.

"And I'll show you a sunset and you'll stay with me till dawn" Dammit this song makes just...break. Don't ask me why. It just is.

Considering my kinda weird artsy, depressed, happy, mood, music is just...mixed. The mellow stuff, the sad dance stuff. Oh right - pattern. All in all sad. Which is a good thing really.

Are people getting more stupid by the millisecond?
Damn.

I hate it when your work is not appreciated.

Cheap Ramen tastes like shit even when mom fixes it up to the best of her ability.

Am being terribly mean today - and I don't care. Don't do that!!!!

Someone save me from blithering assholes.

"you are not the car you drive
you are not your fucking khakis
you have to give up
you have to realise that someday you will die
until you know that
you are useless"

I love this shit - from Fight Club - this cool remix thing I have. Beautiful. Remind me to get that movie sometime - and watch it.

Stuff that pisses me off :
1. fucking losers who ask you who you are on ICQ. Fuck man - you added me to your list bitch. You'd think they'd remember even pictures were exchanged. It's harder when they're ugly.
2. stupid people - see #1.
3. slow fucking internet.
4. uploads that won't go because of #3.
5. e-mail that won't go because of #3.
6. when everyone else is depressed and i'm happy...or something.
7. when I have important things to do and nothing fucking works.

Grrrrrrr.

At least there's Blogger (*knocks on wood*) and electricity and music. Thank you God.

Stefan says: lol. your blog is mucho entertaining these days. I like it when you're in this mood
Trace says: which mood. i dunno wtf mood i in. an "inspired" one?
Stefan says: all this shit to do no time to do it get in my way and I'll fuck u up mood

LOL indeed. Thank you for the laugh - you just made my day.

Puddle of Mudd - Blurry
Default - Wasting My Time - excellent choices - love those to death! Thank god - someone else knows this Default song :)

"It is, after all, the dab of grit that seeps into an oyster's shell that makes the pearl, not pearl-making seminars with other oysters." ~ Stephen King

I've gotten a little more inspiration to keep on working. Now where is Christian with my characters? I will be marathon-ing considering this sudden artistic energy burst. No socialising for me. Kinda. There's always ICQ and MSN after all.

I've also forgotten the beauty of paint. Damn! I would love to be able to have the...patience, peace, burst of inspiration, materials, money to go back to this. So yes sure I can go use the old yucky paint that I have there with the ratty stupid brushes - and I won't feel comfortable and I will give it up. That's a few of the reasons I have stopped painting for those of you who wonder. I need a job, so I can buy me some nice brushes, oils, and set to work...make back my money and maybe some more so I can venture into other realms of artsy bliss.

It's at time like these when everything looks beautiful.

*sigh* I'm testing and testing and either me or Blogger is fucking up tremendously.
So it's not Blogger.
Hmm.
What the hell.
Now ...there's just problems everywhere ! Blogger, server, host (yes host!!!). Mannnn.
I excuse myself for now for any bad code that you see on the site. Do not even bother checkin Project A until I tell you to do so. Dammit.

People aren't entering their nicknames. Username isn't nickname. Go fix whoever needs to. Go to Team when you log in to Blogger and fixerise. Meanwhile I'll try to fix the site. Russell you're one of those.

Now mail isn't working. Wonderful.

Get me this!!!! It's only US $350...

Why is Project A down? He has weakened! Oh my oh my. *giggle* Frickin showoff. Now whose site is down? Wtf.
Instability!!!

This is the time of the day I'm most alert, most spatially aware. It hasn't been that long and I'm starting to feel like a hermit of sorts - some genuine geek. Goddamn I feel 1/4 like Ed..hmm anyways.

Last night Clarissa convinces me that Pier 1's Cooler Fete is it. I was in a mood last night. Now I'm not anymore. I want to stay in this godforsaken place a little longer and finish my work. As frustrating as it is, it's...ok. I'm stomaching it. My perfectionist tendencies aren't helping the launch of the new design, and I must get the story up, but ack it will be ...*gasp* visual vomit. There's also no time/makes no sense doing an old page for the story.

"The only comfort is the moving of the river
You enter into me, a lie upon your lips
offer what you can, I'll take all that I can get
only a fool's here to stay... ~ Sarah - Ice"

It's nearly 6. Work must begin. No more time for personal stuff. Maybe it's all of this turmoil inside that is keeping me going. I want to scream but it is the energy of such that keeps me anchored to my work.

*rubs eyes*
Dammit I'm tired, needing to go get some sleep, yet I'm here...trying to think up a clever solution to my web design problem. Project A is on its way of course, it's just that the new site, well, needs sprucing up, needing an animation-like feel, the theme. We don't have characters done yet - at least I don't have a copy so can't use those, so I'll have to settle for less. How can I make this graphically sweet, functional, to theme, and original. Decisions.

Otherwise, while playing the fool in Photoshop, I've gotten some other work done, perhaps for another site or something, so that's always a good thing. I'll have stuff to update my art pages so yay.

I felt like going out yesterday, getting out of this place, not being lonely. I've been feeling it of late. The loneliness sinking into my bones, however far beneath my sarcastic skin with its seemingly scaly exterior. I didn't go anywhere after all. Stayed in and slept. That too is good. Sleep seems like such a fine thing. Sweet sleep. Yummy sleep...

Maybe the depression has come in at a good time, to help me with my art. Artists need to be depressed. I know, but I like being happy too. It's so..pleasant..so light.
All of this is all for the best. May I be gloomy for the next few months...at least! Evereywhere I turn I see inspiration. Acting onit takes a tad more work, but somehow I'm thinking I may. *crosses fingers and toes*

Maybe in this deliriously weary state my brain works better artwise. I don't know - I just got some kind of strange lightbulb thing happening. Off to work it out :)

Staind is good.

Oh talk about madness. Random bit of reading picked up from the net. Okaaaay!

With 4 blogs currently in session, and 2 on the way - yes ladies and gen..bastards, I'm expecting more. But that's later on.
I'm just taking a little break to at least loosen my wrist, which seems stiff, due perhaps to old age and or continuous clicking and some serious Photoshopping. Fun indeed!

There's rain falling, suddenly, quite a bit of a downpour really. I hope it isn't washing out any parties. I'm really nice and cosy and comfy in my room - so happy not to have to be social right now. It's been another good day where I've accomplished a few things, and have gotten work done, and I'm proud. I even have extra work so that I can update sometime later on with more digital art. I don't need much of a life besides this right now. I am actually content. Wow.

Of course I'm just praying that everything will be done smoothly and quickly - template-wise. I haven't begun properly, but that's ok, I promise after this..and a little chat. Ok maybe a half hour. Dammit.

So no one has id'd my damn guy. *points down* Damn you people!

Stace - LOL @ Sateesh. Good Lord. I hope no one shows him this. He'll write some goddamn article about it. Yeh I've read his saltylife articles. No wonder he gets pushed aoround so much. Poor lil dude. Kar must have had fun indeed. *giggle*

Stefan's reaction (on MSN just for me) : "what the FUCK so appealing about that coolie boy??!! my GOD. fucking hardback indian man straight out of D Big Apple. and you want to draw DAT? UGH
me: he ON
Stef : argh argh argh.he ON? he ON like WHAT? he ON like a off switch"
Later on when he's about to leave etc etc : "AND STOP LOOKIG FOR THAT UGLY ASS BLACK ROSE DROPOUTBITCH!"
Apparently he isn't really a Black Rose dropout and he does not know him as I'd possibly hoped (when asked if he knew him I got this : "fuck no that gay ass biatch?")

Can you just...LOL! I live for Stef's reactions. I woulda beaten someone to hear him say that and or laugh at me. Do you also detect a hint of oh..jealousy? Hehehehe.

Stace's reaction now I can deal with. You guys thinks he looks young too? I don't think he can be gay btw - he's wearing a loose shirt...plaid...go figure.
Dars' reaction was like..."oh so another skinny indian boy" *stewps* I don't think she ever likes my choices. What I wanna know is what she likes. She has yet to tell me or point out one.

If he stumbles upon this blog he had better damned well e-mail me and organise a drawing session. Yes Jhagroo I want to draw THAT. Frig man.
Then another wanted to knwo what I liked...the prettyboy face or what. Duh.

What a nice day.
I'm almost done with the story, so going to work on the new page for it, plus a blog with a comments thing for suggestions.

He says it's pathetique.(His spelling was way off in a lame attempt @ French) I care not. 'Tis an attempt to find someone very drawable...he's just jealous I think. ;) Aren't you now? *giggle*
I need to hear/see Stefan's reaction to that last post. Won't he be appalled and ranting on about man hungry chinee girl etc etc. Hah! I made Dras check and apparently she wasn't impressed...Stac? Stace? Dayum. (key: yum)

Who is he?
I want to find him. I want to draw him, paint him, photograph him, and well.. let's hope he's not a complete fewl. Help me! Search the country! Anything!
Goddamn

This was at Anchorage's Christmas party - Cheers. Argh. Help! Send out the scouts!

Before I fall into my bed and into hopefully lovely dreams, I have more to say. (Chatterbox!)

On a happy note, today was a very successful scope day. I saw the most gorgeous sexy guy I have seen in a long time. His hair was very cool too. Omg. My head went...schwing!
Oh and Chris has one damn goodlooking friend. Dammit - will interrogate him about that one later on. Of course I was more than invisi-fucking-ble. As usual. Verily I say 'tis fuckery.
So that was a good gorgeous 2 - there were at least half a dozen more to be seen wandering through the streets of Port of Spain. Goodness. Eye candy. Maybe that's why I'm in a particularly good mood. The animation thing is great too though.

I passed in Express House to collect something. Stories!
In the waiting room, this little guy came in to get some info from these bitching retrenched TTPost workers. He's a teeny kinda guy - geeky looking. Sateesh Maharaj apparently - so I found out at the end when they were leaving. I hate rooms in which you can hear every clenching of your fist (in rage that you actually have to wait). So thatttt's Sateesh I thought. My my...big writer...looking so fragile. You never know who people are and what they are made of when you look at them. Unless of course they're eyes are bloodshot and they're in an advanced vegetal state.

There was also one of the security guards pissing me off because his chic or whatever kept calling his cell and he couldn't be talking louder than he was. "Before you go tell meh something nice nah" Good God no it's wrong...go in the bathroom for the phone sex. Geezus! Fucking dufus has a cell and I don't. Man...! The nerve. The other security guard at the desk was this woman who was just..lame and looking at me as if I'm stupid.

On my little adventure I stepped into one of my bookish haunts. There are these magazines - a whole damn 3 shelves...with magazines that have had pages ripped our or covers torn that are sold for $10, $5 and $2. Great! So for about $27 I got 5 mags. Really good ones too - mostly beauty girly stuff, but I really love the art/photography/layouts of these mags. GQ is always a winner. Always! Whee.

Somehow the GQ looking guy in town though just won...that's the event of the day for sure.

Considering last night was a floozy, and that I cried like a fool, and I realised what my dreams foretold, and my world was sent into some wormhole, today was cool.
The choice of becoming more frigorific as concerns the male species, or moving along, getting hurt again, wow whatta lovely toss up. I see it as near impossible to move on, be less naive, gullible, stupid, and yet love and welcome good intentions with open arms, and to trust. Trust. Ah. Haha.

So I should be writing up our story properly (again), but I have no such energy left within my whole spirit to do so. I'm being selfish and blogging dammit.
Met up with Chris and Dirk today, so that went rather well indeed, and we have a really good story - at least that's what we think. I shall write it up and post it somewhere.

I spoke with Vishard today! First time I think...ever on the phone :) That was groovy. The boy has this mad sexy voice. No...he's taken - don't even think I'm thinking anything. No!

"and I lost my head and thought of all the stupid things I'd said" Trouble - Coldplay.
This is where I delve into regret, but I know I can't. I am trying to convince myself and step out of this cycle of shit in which I'm involved so stupidly.
This is where I falter.
This is where I need my friends to constantly remind me of such.
This is where I need people.
This is where I get reassurance and try to get on with it.

Rors you existeth yet! I'm very glad we actually got to talk earlier. I've missed you. DSL...Indeed...I'm moving in. *grin* Mr. Mordor.
Jus too is missed. He e-mailed me today (*gasp*!) just because he didn't know what the hell was going on with the menrskum thingy ladies.

This only-child/Sagittarian socialite wannabe syndrome state. Ah. Indeed.

I'm seeing eye to eye with him today.
"Internet Friends - Always there only a click,click,type,click away. Cycling through emotions, pains, and whatnot, like realistic figments of my psychosis. For living loving and scrolling down the friends list like we are our words and nothing more. (I do the same, I am the same)
....
Friends - For saying what I want to hear. I don't want to hear it. But I do. Stop.

Myself - Of course. For not dealing with my problems or taking chances or having courage."

Indeed. I rant more later. Must head off to breakfast, get out of the house (finally) and be in good company. Let's hope I look nice today.

You will marry NEO (played by Keanu Reeves) from The Matrix, live in a big metal ship trying to escape from a world controlled by computers, and spend your days travelling through phone lines, hacking into the Matrix, and dodging bullets in slow motion.

What's YOUR M * A * S * H future?

What Psych-Ward do you belong to?

What the hell...Neo? Uhhh...ok are all the answers to this one good?
Autism. *stewps*

Best quote of the night despite the fuckery that went on - not the good kind. "you need a good hard fuck" Indeed. Hahaha.
So I was heartbroken, torn up for a little bit. Now I'm fine I think. That score below doesn't even affect me anymore.
Goodness I would be needing to do some Flash work now.

*mumbles loudly about a bastardbitch*



Grr @ you owly.

"We are, we are, the youth of the naaation!"

Wtf where's my post??!!!
Dammit.
Here we go again...what did I say again??

Stace! Love you! Woo ha! Will send you wallpaper later if you're on...if you don't have it already.
Don't worry about the guy. There is no need to feel ...any way at all.

Brit guys are cool Need to get me one of those one day. *ducks* I am not Owen dammit. Stupid test.

I quoteth Dirk : "I know a lot of guys who think of women as just mobile holes" "Allyuh women eh, just using men conveniently"

Indeed. Then they wonder why we're oinkers. By the way. There's only one person right now who has dibs on calling me "pig" because I have other names for him. You guys have to find other names. "Bitch" is also not allowed, I believe that's Kevin's official pet name for me.

In other news, I've been having very very strange dreams. I'm writing about them currently - a little secret doc file, trying to psychoanalyse myself. Subconscious. Hmm. Oh well.

"The cyclone ends.
The sun returns; the lofty coconut trees lift up their plumes again; man does likewise.
The great anguish is over; joy has returned; the sea smiles like a child." ~ Paul Gauguin

Oh tsk. All women are pigs? Ladies what shall we say to this one? I have already made it clear to the sender of this article, that all in all, it just proves how stupid men are. They did make it clear that not all women are pigs, neither are all men (lol!). Nice guys finish last blah blah blah bullshit. That's sad actually. I know too many nice guys too who just can't find a "nice" girl. Well sorry guys, we take a certain amount of bs and no more. C'est la vie cheris. So I'm evil shoot me... I'm one of the oinkers (hey I'm not that bad...yet). Dammit. ;)

*cackle* Muhahahaha. Ok this game is bad. Very very bad.
At least I've got new latin music :) How does that connect you ask? Err while scoping downloads (you know when you get excited for say 90%), I was playing my game. *grin*

It gets better indeed. Less blocks, more score. Muhahahaa


Omg..the time! Eeek! Ok off to bed...after this game..I swear...

Check this out!

Addiction to stupid little net games
I've been scoring way too high on that damn game. Same Game is evil. It's the devil's spawn! Dammit!

Check this one out for size - Spiky thing. Courtesy Richard. No not you - the other one...which other you say? Salt. He knows who he is. Tsk he is also very evil...Scorpio...hmm. Another one of those...dear Lord help us all.

Oh how I wish I could have an imagination

Boris Vallejo. Yeh that fantasy guy. He's got a little helper - who's just as good. Goddamn. I spent a good hour (?) going through these paintings and stuff. Aww man. Damn you to hell Vallejo. I love it though...

Money lending
Don't do it. *sigh* I am way too nice... *mumbles something about fuckery*

Tests
Need new ones!

Bitchery
Oh yeh Stace oh yeh tell him like it is. I don need no steenkeeng ring or heart necklace and card with sappy poetry. Fuck...show off. Don't trust overly romantic guys!

Cute
I'm a "punk ass" now. No passwrdfy.!!!!!!! ;)

Judie Tzuke - Stay With Me Till Dawn - whoa baby. This is a song I'd never heard before, but it's old and pretty cool. I think.

Stef changed his damn nickname yesterday. Wtf. You're supposed to have your damn first name on there dangit like everyone else! LOTR freak.

Stace - who knows may have some hotties...you'd hope.

I'm addicted to one of the games on Brain Bashers.Goddamn. Hours upon hours...hand cramping.

Maracas Bay today. I have even more of a tan now. Dammit. I do I do, even though it wasn't that much sun. Not enough scopeables though...I'm figuring later in the afternoon would have had more. You know - when they woke up.

I shall try to stop playing this thing soon and do some real work...hah!

Been surfing too much. Not enough Flash.
This is just mad cool - saw the trailer first in cinema. Looks so sweet. Ice Age. Cool!
This upcoming movie site has proven rather interesting indeed.
Pixar is tremendously groovy. Dammit!
Russell sent this for inspiration. Pocket movies.
That would conclude my little film adventure for the night.

Hell I want this domain. Maybe I'll just have a section on the men bash blog called menrskum. Ladies? :)
Stac, give me ideas for the site, info, pics of all the girls participating. Ladies submit a pic or something. We may have bios or a little photo thingymajig.
One last thing.

God is a woman.

I actually didn't do this test when I stumbled upon it last night. Dunno why - just didn't. Alas. Sucker I am.

You know all and see all, but that doesn't prevent you from having a child-like innocence and a playful sense of humor. You obviously think very highly of yourself, but that's okay, everyone does. Told ya God was a woman!! Take The "Which Kevin Smith Female Are You?" Quiz!!

Uhm that's Alanis? Erk.

I actually did the male test (idleness I know) and was a tad clueless...so ah well.

You have a genius intellect and an awesome sense of humor. You can sarcastically put someone in their place without batting an eye. Your only problems seem to be that you have trouble acknowledging your true feelings and you may use your humor as a defense to hide what you are really feeling. But, your godliness overpowers any insignificant flaws you may have. Even if you tend to pass gas during very inconvenient moments. Take The "Which Kevin Smith Male Are You?" Quiz!!

Uh huh. Interesting.

Hellllooooo!
*looks down*
Ok I think I maxed out the blogging for say the weekend.

Fuck. Just lost my whole fucking post. Dammit. It was long too. Grrrr. Whole nice collection of stuffz. Damn you to HELL keyboard!

Lemme post the joke stuff first - so hopefully I can get out of this oddly annoyed mood. I hate you keyboard I really do. Bitch!

LOTR : If you haven't gotten the link from Stef or Stace's site yet here it is.
Another hilariously funny one - more for the girls, but guys check it out all the same - you may just enjoy it.

Geek : Shaun just sent this to me. Omg! Geekfest indeed.
Another geeky thing that reminds me of a certain someone...*cough*rav*cough* courtesy Owl child.

Random quotes which I think are laughable :
"I'm not the fucking "best friend help desk".
"man, pearl harbour was retarded formulaic tripe"
"After the shocking sour shot of tequila that is a bad post, it's good to get the lemon afterwards that is the positive e-mails that I get from the site tho." from se7en-x.


Onto the tests : more bullshit.


Take the Affliction Test Today!

You're Yuna. You're hardworking and honest, and also a little naive. You can easily be lied to, but in the end your friends will look out for you. Kind and loving you'd never hurt a fly. You'd be willing to do anything to help others, even if it means some personal sacrifices for you.

Which Final Fantasy X Character would YOU be? Take thetest.

On a more serious note.
Justin's back. What the fuck man. I've gotten more evil? How? I'm good dammit! And what the hell. Stace and Stef are too sexy for their hats? I'm not sexy now? Stewps. Excuse me that would be the lack of any admirers whatsoever knocking on my door, grovelling at my toesies and offering riches beyond my imagination. Ok dreaming but hey... dammit..shut up. Yeh so I'm bored, admirer-less and needing some entertainment soon.

Have been peonging for a while, checking up on sites from 15 year olds which are scarily good and makes me feel like more of a loser. Guru and I are depressed that way indeed. Bionic babies. Die die! Bastards.

So ends my rant. Will probably blog again with more crappy/funny/mad cool sites.

Oooh wait! Mad cool sites are as follows.
Ninjai The trailers are absolutely amazing.
Broken Saints An online comic - very whoa!
Gooooddd Flash stuff. Wowser. The games are cool too!

Which Internal Organ are you? Find out at willaston's lounge!

This is not a 6 am blog ok :) No you may not blog for me and you shall not have my password. Frickin Owl.
Wednesday - gapefest with Stace - LOTR style. *giggle*

Apparently some people pass through here who I didn't realise...did! Interesting. Amazing how my site gets around really. Kewl!
/ditz mode off

Once again I am weary. Let's hope I don't sleep away half the day like yesterday - although it keeps the noise of those trucks fucking up the mountain from irking me too much. They still piss me off though. There's mud everywhere. Rain fell as well so..fun fun. They're supposed to be paving the road, which the big ass trucks are going to destroy in a few weeks in any case. Bastards!

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you. Isn't that just the cutest? :) *waves @ Cory* Bon nuit!

*looks around emptyish blog*
Sorry nuh. :)

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

On second thought. I'll start doing up the site for the the project.
Blogger's a bitch.

What has been going on? I'm really neglecting my e-mail.
Been talking a bit too much tonight.
Been thinking too much.
Again.

Trace is very very pooped. Try not to bother her for she will bite severely.
Not kidding.
Halfway finished with the story, final concept/proposed style etc. Ugh. Must get in my bed. Eyes closing...

Electronic pets are stupid. Arielle got a Meow-Chi for Christmas from one of her mom's friends. Good Lord the thing is amazingly annoying. Last night I got the thing working for them. Had it singing and this and that. The thing's got bio-rhythms for godsakes. Hello? I know humans with less emotion than that. Her mom hates it and thinks her friend should have bught the child clothes or something. I totally agree. Plus it's for 4 yrs andup. Ari's 2 1/2.

I've been learning to play Poker. Somehow some of the rules are different. Jus. Apparently it goes like this : Royal Flush, Straight Flush, 4 of a Kind, Full House, Flush, Straight, 3 of a Kind, 2 pair, 1 pair, high card. So they say. I have to start playing chess soon. Why? It might just be necesary for an upcoming project. Don't ask. Top seekrit.

You know what. I'm just re-reading this. I'm cracking up at the second quiz. "Stop being stupid! - Okay!" Hahaha. Lol @ minions at feet. Incite a revolution through my art. How very appropriate considering the circumstances at hand. If only it were true. Can I really do that? I wonder. Will I one day look upon this blog a an archive of many years past and laugh at my childhood follies?

Why is Jamal such a big clown? Apparently he does not even realise the existence of my site. Bastard.
I had to also cuss Avin today for being a bitch and not blogging. "After exams" he says. My foot.
However sometimes keeping sites from certain eyes is better... if family members were to see this I'd probably be in for utmost reprimand.

Kevin told me the other night (btw Stac he still has my pwesunt) that I cuss too much for a "decent young woman". I cannot make heads nor tails of it. I was decent when again? I suppose people underestimate me. People push me to the edge, people challenge me. I am lame that way or something.

Sleep falls upon my brow like a leaf blown by a wintery zephyr.

I drive fast, I turn fast, I do everything fast. I even breakfast. I tend to confuse people with my sudden changes of heart. Sometimes I even confuse myself, which tends to cause problems. What Video Game Character Are You?

Yet another


Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz


And another

This quiz says absolutely nothing about your personality. Take it!

Riiight. So anyways.
Stace - behaviour! Dammit. Right can I ruin your day like Dev just did mine? He's gay. :( *cries*
Oh so I'm now onto The Two Towers. Once again...they fucked up the movie. Yet the soundtrack is playing over and over...and I have many pics of the gay but oh so cute one. *sigh*

I have other stuff to do dammit!! WhyamInotwritingmystory??

So much to say so much to say. I take a break from current research to do this, else I will never get it done, and shall have to repeat myself several times over.

I see Stace has posted her New Year resolutions. I shall not do this for fear of failure. I hate planning too much. Hardly ever works out. There's always a twist - somewhere. There's always change. There's always a rut, a pebble, a big wall. You get the picture. I believe I have listed what I need to do though. There would be change coming into play once again, where I scrap some stuff, add new things, edit the others.

The word animate comes from the Greek word animatus, meaning to give life, soul and breath.

Yesterday Dirk (my animation bud) and I went to visit Camille Selvon Abrahams. Her company, Full Circle Production is going to have the first Caribbean Animation and New Media festival in Trinidad. Awesome. It's called Animae Caribe. Sweet. The catch : Registration (with storyline) is 1st Feb and dealine for submission of entries is like June or July. Eek indeed. Now this is an opportunity not to be missed. I told Dirk that we really cannot give this up. Exposure, experience, meeting people, getting contacts, possibility for further education, jobs, money etc. Chris didn't call me back yet - the little thonged bastard. (Ssssh for he will kill me if I spread the news of his adventure).

The other catch : the theme is AIDS (whoopeedeedoo) and should be Caribbean in ...aura. Ergh. We don't realllly have to stick to this but it is recommended. Fun. Any ideas you guys have will be fully appreciated. I'm already developing some ideas, trying to write something down. I've had no experience in story-telling really and far less script-writing - if at all we should have a script. ICQ, MSN, mail me.

So all night I've sat here thinking of a story. Brainstorming, getting stuck, and getting distracted surfing and researching for animation stuff. Another mad phase of complete devotion expected to last a few days, which I'm hoping will last a few months.

To do list

In other news, I'll be taking a graphic design course starting at the end of the month. That's a 2 month stint - maybe to be followed up by more advanced classes. So I'm booked up to the brim for the first half of the year. Groovy.

Dear God. I want to also take the CIW, do the French exam and get my UK options open, all basically at the same time - as usual. Some people are apparently able to multi-task studying, but I might lose a little too much hair. Help? I guess I'll be taking all of this in stride. If I get a job inbetween it may help pay the bills as well. Won't it now?

I need to fix my page badly. I did start, but got distracted by LOTR, which mind you I have to read in it's entirety - to which I must devote about 6 straight hours. Dear God can you extend the day a little?

I must also create blogs/sites for this one and that. Ladies I have not forgotten you. By the way, send some suggestions for colour/layout/content (other than talkbashperk scenes). Stac, Stace, Dars, Anji, Daniela, whoever.

Justin I am still on for the City Stories project.

Ed was talking about some other strange animation project today as well. Goodness!

LOTR

Oh. I too adore Legolas. It's the ears Stace...I swear. Wallpaper. I-have-not-had-a-boy-on-wallpaper-for-goddamn-ages. Aragorn is also absolument stunning. Rowr :) Now I would be needing to get the soundtrack downloaded or something. Streaming it is ickypoo. Who's going with me to see it again after I read the book and digest everything and want to go back to bitch more?

Considering the very fragmented disorganised order of the topics in this blog, it goes to show as to how confused I am with the many things to do. Fun. Now just to do them.
I need encouragement of all kinds. Monetary rewards favoured.

My mom is now calling me Miss Popular. That can't be good. Excuse me if I know a few people... Anji did ask if I know the whole world night before though. *duck* I don't - yet. I intend to know an eensy weensy teeny weeny % of it though be it say oh...just a few thousand. *grin* No I don't like everyone. Mom's calling me Miss Amiable - right. I told her no I'm not that friendly either. Still a bitch. Stace - nevermind your aura. Auras are good. They keep away some of the idiotas.

In discussions yesterday it was deemed that when you're screwed in the head, for whatever reason say oh someone hurt you, you tend to become more evil, and it's ok. It's not all that bad. I think. I'm not feeling to be good so leave me alone dammit. My resolution is to be however I damned well please. I am more than tired of people saying that I should be good. Shut up!

As I'm on a roll, I'll continue the thread of pissed-off-rantng-talk. Those mofos who are carrying away my mountain by the truckload are annoying the hell out of me. Beep beep beep goes the stupidass reversing sound. Morons! Raising dust, creating noise pullution, and above all making it easier for the ain to come and wash away the earth, causing nasty-ass flooding and silt deposits. Bastards. They're supposed to pave the road in front of me since they're going to be using it for the next oh 2 months or so. The neighbours are bitching, so am I, so is dad. I walked down the road yesterday and about 10 trucks passed me. Good grief.

2:35 a.m. and I'm editing this post, and there's a cool breeze pushing past my curtains. I've started back sleeping with the windows open. Lazy-ass bitch am I, but it's cooler and the cats are gone and nothing has jumped into the window yet. *knocks on wood* Actually there was one time a few years ago, when there was this frog...ergh. Brr.

To sleep I go.

Woops..uhm my bad. I apparently didn't read the whole book. Missed oh..half. Fucking text file p.o.s.

The movie was pretty good effects-wise and sound-wise. John Williams is da man! It's pretty. Very pretty. Tremendous bit of film-making. A freak sent me this as soon as he got home. Yet he bitches about it being a pack... I was bitching too, but for different reasons. They changed it dammit. They left out stuff dammit.

Stace Dars Stef Dirk Jus Miche Chris Shu Dars friend, et moi. The Triniscene crew bien sur. Saw countless others as we left. Russell, Peter et chic, Richard H!!, Kijana et al ; apparently many saw me...hmm fun. Liming in car pak afterward, waiting on everyone to ride out...shit talk...goodness!

The highlight of the evening was some guy in house commenting rather interestingly about the mail that Frodo received : "Is ah fuckin wedding dress!" and yet another "He's a fuckin asshole!" Good fun indeed.

I shall miss Stef and Jus dammit.

Woo hoo I finished reading Fellowship of the Rings and with lots of time to spare. I would be moving on to the other book be it not for these people I'm waiting to hear from... Sheesh.

Jus Miche Rossi and myself. That was it. Jamal was boring. Krys got banned. Kishan got banned. We played Poker which I abhor for some reason. We ate Stuffed Crust BBQ pizza. We drank Paul Bur. Good lord this endless junk food flow is no good. No good I say! Ugh.

Tomorrow night. LOTR. 8 pm. Globe POS.

Harry Potter finally was cool enough with the girls. Rather close to the book alright which is always preferable.

Happy New Year 2002!

So it is here. Hmm. Fun. Sleep calls first though. Will write later on. I should be home and bored.