You are an Andrew Sullivan.

You are not afraid to share your political views with everyone in candid and clear ways.

You may also be making some money... one day.
Take the What Blogging Archetype Are You test at GAZM.org

Fuckity fuck.
I just need to let that out thanks.



For no one in particular of course. Just the generally speaking. Am very frustrated. Dammit.

So, who out there, being a single, male, hottie, with extremely nice hands, would be willing to give this aching girl a massage?
*twinkle of angelic eye look*
No one? Shame. I'll just have tor emain in pain.
*very sad face*
Where are hot friends and aromatherapy oils?

Friends. Hmm. Projecting indeed. Oh well seeing as it is some figment of imagination/dreams I may as well call out the troops.
The reason I am literally begging for a massage? Gym. It's only frigging Tuesday. Wonderful. My third month. This is going well. You'd think by now I'd be as skinny as a whip, which I am yet not. Oh well. So my trainer just increase everything. My arms feel like fudge.

Ok over an hour wasted.
Gah I need to password this blog.

Goodbye Internet.

Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes,
and it's a woman's job to stomp on them,
and keep them in the dark,
until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with!

Thanks D.

Lol. Ok so that might have not been the first time you guys have seen that,but it was the first time for me. Rather hilarious...and well. True.

I'm actually busy tonight, so I shan't blog much.

To my lame life :
m : if is any consolation... you still sexy
me : oh WOW that helps
m: i thought it might
me: oh..ok ...lol... drearily so. that's almost sayin....welll u look good..that's all u can count on to get a life.
m: well... at least you have SOMETHING going for you :p

Thanks Marc-o.
*sigh*
I seek consolation/refund for my life.

Sweet Jesus I have gym fees upon me. Egadzooks. I need moneeyyy. Time to start vending sketches on the side of the road.... hmm wait this is not Soho.... back to the reality of scruntism.
Sleep would be nice now. Trainer s going to kill me in the am. Fun.

Post you bitch! Post!!!! Damn you to hell Blogger!!

"Gotta cut away, clear away snip away and sever this umbilical residue
Keeping me from killing you " ~ A P C - Orestes

And this is how I would be feeling.

*looks around for something to blog about*
Nada.

Airport security. LOL. Indeed.

*stretch*

There's a pile of wares in the sink, but I'm not out there looking at it, so it isn't irking me yet.
There's a pile of clothes on my bed, but my back is to it so it isn't bothering me yet.

Hmm. I cleared the clothes off my bed. Haven't made it yet. *shrug*

I've done my homework for class.
I've scanned stuff I should and I'm working on the project I have to get paid for (yay!).
There's techno and trance banging out. I love it when I'm alone at home. Really I do.

Hmm well the above was suppose dto have been posted before lunchtime.

I went to class, kicked their asses and I'm home now. Again. Bored. Just as expected.

I'm kinda fed up of the whole not-getting-my-goddamn-money back thing. Really irritated. The bitch has the gall to invite me to lime with him and his woman this evening. Huh? Right. Soon enough, I may have the cause to sic Chris on him or something. "Show me the money bitch!" I would do it myself but I'd probably beat him a tad too badly. I have some semblance of a heart after all you see.

Last night the group of us had another "work" session reaching into late late night. Geezus Christ. We talk alot. The world is oh so so so very small. *sigh* The files have been blown (more) on a certain individual who hates my guts for absolutely no reason (considering he's a psychotic gay bitch). T'was rather funny indeed. For those of you who know the Tang story call me or something and I'll tell all. *snicker* As Chris said "Yes I know him. He's a dick" Nuff said.

My mom is still not doing very well...but that's just a whollle other story which I'm really not in the mood to get into at this point in time.

Right there was something else I had to remark about. That stupid series. The Bachelor. The biggest amount of bullshit I have watched so intently for a while. My fuckinggod. Ridiculous I say. So I'm thinking he must be feeling so good now. Dirk's sister and I sided last night about the whole Bachelor - Trini version. At the end when they come down to two chics fighting, they'd gang up on him and either one who gets chosen for marriage (doomed to hell), would say "nah..is aight..i don't really want to marry you. bye!" *grin* However...to find 25 local chics who would actually fight for a stranger who is cosy with all of them at one point or another would be near impossible here. Chris said "notice they're all blond?"

Britney Spears...is very goddamn annoying. She should be shot. Why can't people like her die? So that TLC chic hit the bucket...and she seemed ok. They laud her now...they screwed her over when she was alive... tsk. But then...I can think of it another way. Aaliyah will always be remembered young and beautiful and stuff, and hopefully Britney will grow old, get wrinkly (with that caucasian dry skin) fast, and droop (her boobs mayn't) like a wilted flower.

Am I being bad tonight? Good.
Bonsoir.

Arthur! *does a little dance*

I'm home..finally. Just got in from a nice working session with Chris and Dirk, so all's well so far. Damn we're hot. We meet again...err later tonight. Eh bien!

There are wayyy too many Flash tutorial windows open now - disgusting really. *sigh* I would devote my entire day tomorrow to Flash, but I also have to help mom do some stuff. Shit...this always happens when I'm all hyped goddammit. How sucky!!!

Hmm Stace argh...keep the faith going... I know this time is suckass...I'm always here if ya need me.
My stress usually takes its toll on me...and my hair drops. Gah. No you did not need to know this...but anyways.
Goodnite.

"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win." ~ William Shakespeare

Indeed.

*waves to Shivaun who although does not even read this is all cool and stuff...and continues to embarrass the life out of me on the radio.*
*shakes head* But it's all good. Now they want their own show. Gods! That'd be groovy...if my sexy voice is part of it of course :)

This morning my mom told me that I'm too nicey and I tell people too much that's why people want platonic shit and want to be just buddy buds with me. All I can do is laugh. Really. Usually she says I'm a pig...but that's a different story. All in all she thinks I need a man. She's trying her best. Tsk. At least she's not one of those who tries to set me up with anyone she's specially chosen. Dear God that would be horrid now wouldn't it. She's picky though (aren't all mothers?). I think this one and this one would be good for you... nah...he's boring...nah too lame....nah ho... etc. Man oh man.
Haha! No faith no faith. I don't think all people just want the whole platonic thing...but of course that's what it seems...mostly. So I'm lame. *sniffles*

I'm so sorry for not being able to attend that cricket match today Marc-o. I'm figuring it's going ok...not that I'm even going to watch it on TV (are they even broadcasting it?). There's lots of sun out there. *peers with beady squingy eyes in the glare* Gahhhh sunnn baddd...

The sun is now...very hot. Eeek.

Where is my baby bunny?!?!?!?!

I've been stuck on this blank page for hours, not sure exactly what there is to blog, but just wanting to fill the space and waste some of your time.

I watched this very good episode of TechTv's Big Thinkers today, with Scott Adams...yes the Dilbert guy. He is pretty awesome actually and has some groovy theories.
Scott said : "you always become the thing you hate." Ent.

What do I hate?
*tries not to think about it*
*mumbles something about evil under breath*

I had this dream last night about a most gorgeous guy. A latino. Hmm. Interesting. Whatta specimen. I can't remember much else now just flashes of nothing really important. Let's hope this isn't representing another chaotic thingy in life...whenever I dream about cute guys some bullshit always happens. Not that it was an erotic dream or anything. I can't remember what he was doing, he was just way hot.
*sigh*
Ah well.

Oh by the way. I need a printer. Badly. This is interrupting many functions in my life right now...this lack of paper-wasting ability and the like. Dammit. HP preferred. Now how am I going to tell daddy this? *puppy eyes* Daaddddddddd. *grin* He'll say "Hmmmm what yuh want now? No! Get a job you bum!!". *sigh* Yeh. I know.
So back to my wish list. I have the scanner temporarily...and well... the digicam can wait I suppose. (cry) I've been eyeing that Olympus D-40....gah. There's also that teensy option for a couple hundred more of oh...a dv cam. *runs*
Job first job first.

Trace behaves now

Ahh re-introduction to Lady Domi's poetry ... which just pulls at my heartstrings. What's left of em anyway.
It reminds me of me in this weird way. I know why I suppose. Blah. Sleep I should.

Perspective on life according to George Costanza:
"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus?!? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you go live in an old age home. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no
responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back, you spend your last 9 months floating with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, then you finish off as an orgasm!! Amen"
Thank you D.

Spent the evening chillin with my cousins, so that was alright..yet in some way...vegetal.

Ok so it's an old song. Christ. Damn you people. Damn you Jhagroo.
I want those songs dammit...now...where did that link go?
Am not seeing or thinking straight. Sleeeepp.

I suppose I'll have to resign myself to sitting at home tonight watching Cats and Dogs and or doing much needed work.
Can I sleep now?
Right thought so.
I just re-watched Interview with the Vampire. *wriggle of forehead* The things we do out of boredom. Brad Pitt is growing on me...slowly...the other night I re-watched Ocean's 11 and that was all good. Pitt's all cocky and annoying now...or something.
Days Go By - Dirty Vegas. That's the Mitsubishi Eclipse ad song. I'm a gonna get it now. I think. Woo hoo!

Wasting about 8 or more hours downloading shit that doesn't work or that you have no need for really pisses me off. *sigh* What's worse is when you have it already - be it an older version. Grrrr. Remind me to catalogue my cds sometime.
I wish I could get these frigging colours calibrated properly. Someone help meeee. I think I managed to get all my Adobe stuff in sync (enough) so far though...after and hour or so of playing around.
Blah.
Darn it's almost time for me to get out of here. :(
I wanna go somewhere else. I wanna go lime...I haven't done that in ages.
I miss everyone. *sniff*

Comtrex - the buzz-maker.
Comtrex - d real blends... feel the freedom. (That's from Stef et moi being idle yesterday).
What was the other one Stef?

My brain is feelin friedlike.

How can you say we all sound the same way? You get a blog goddammit lets hear how you sound. Bastard.
Wtf dammit.

How come I miss important blogs?
Shit. Goddammit. Stace I am so sorry to hear that. Fuckery indeed.
It's the quiet ones who don't make much of a fuss who don't openly show signs of depression who are more than likely the victims of such. Argghh.

This stupid sinusactinglikeabitch thing has me more than dazed. Dammit.

*closes Fruity Loops*

*waves @ Fli*
*waves @ Stephen becuz he will prolly get jealous* Lord...
*waves @ the rest of the daily checkingoftrace'sblogcrew*

Comtrex. Ahhh. It's been a while my green friend. So I just figured out what has been causing my head to feel like a big lump of play dough.
My eyes are about to pop out of their sockets. Peachy aren't we?

So I have work to do. By tomorrow. Fun. And yet I had Fruity open. Guh-reat.

Consciences. Hm. Tsk. What are those again? Apparently mine exists...faintly..but it's there. Somewhere.
Random goddamn ranting. This is boring me now. Head feels like it's gonna explode. Why is the Comtrex not working? Why is nothing working. Mom tried to administer some kind of pressure point massage...akin to Reiki I imagine. I have tried this. It does not work. Breathe deeply my ass. My head feeling like a brick is kinda distracting you know.

Heh Rich get those comments up.

Thanks to the other Richard today who pretty much saved our asses... :)

I am thoroughly exhausted. How I'll get through the gym session in the morning is anyone's guess.

My head hurts. Why? For the past few days too. Disturbing.

Richard needs his comments thingy on on his blogyy. Hehehe.
I hope you feel better man.
Oh and by the way, why don't you try blogspot? I don't think they have nasty pop-up ads. Orrr you can try this page for more free web hosts. Or maybe not.
Speaking of which I may need to find a new domain thingy since I have till when? June or July with my inspiritus.org. I figure I'll cross that bridge when I need to... else I'll have some shit like, inspiritus.rocks.it or something.

As he said, The Osbournes rocks. I do love that show.
Must...not...alow...self..to..vegetate today...
Arrrghhh I feel a root!

LOL Stace. LOL I say.
Oh boy... we need to talk. Oh we so do.

Egads another late night. Bed calls. Bonsoir world. Je t'aime.
Stac I'm thinking about you ok!

So how come when everyone is having a bad day, I'm not so down? Oh well. Maybe it's the rain. We've had lots of it and it's beautiful and yummy...and I need tos leep.

*does a little psycho dance*
Yes Dirk I'm mental so shoot me. My blog seems to be entertainment for some. Ok maybe all. Ok so I know the ones who really give a damn. Thanks. I'll live.
Remind me to password this soon.

Bah a site update.
*forlorn look*

Dear Lord. I have installed AIM. You guys just don't ask why.
The height of boredom led me along this evil path..to destruction I say. Destruction.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Ok maybe not bed.
Maybe a convo ....stemming from.. me venting, to divorce. Dear Lord.
Damn Trace you're a psycho.
Ssssshhhh don't say it too loud...they're coming to take me away ah ha!

So I had a rather interesting little run in with a silly little youngun. These are the kinds you want to beat to a bloody pulp and stuff into a freezer. So I'm thinking that's how Jack felt when he was "destroying something beautiful" when he kicked Angel face's ass so badly. (Waaaayyy too much Fight Club) Ah the rage. I apparently need a boxing baggy thing. So I think indeed. This is actually slightly scary, considering I'm comntemplating possible manslaughter over a discussion about art.

No you do not generally disturb me about art. You do not under any circumstances talk up in your ass about art when you know nothing and you think you're this smart rich guy who's invested his money and not wasted time doing art. You so do not. Don't fuck with me about art ok. Christ. He's stopped talking. Thank God. I hope I pissed him off well enough. Ahh how satisfying.

Goodness.
I think that it also has to do with the time, with the fact that I have not had my afternoon nap, that I'm up for nothing really other than pure vice (it's weekend and I can stay up late goddammit!), and I'm overall very frustrated.
That said. Off to bed!

W3rd up dawg. I be da flyest Jesus of them all. Sure, I may sing pop music in a group with a bunch of sissy white boys, but it brings in the bling-bling. And like any good savior, I get all the virgins I want for eternity.


Take the What Jesus Would You Be? Quiz



So that's just very wrong.
Lol!

This is even worse.


What do people say behind your back? Find out @ digitalcharisma

Oh man...I'm back on a test spree. That's when I'm sleepy and want to stay up for absolutely no reason. I think I need to do stuff, but I just don't want to or feel to, and I just feel like rambling on and on about nada en absoluto.
John Leguizamo's cool!

Going through everyone's bloggies. I can see Richard's is going to be most interesting indeed.
Mom went to the masseuse guy today and is feeling a bit better so this is a good thing.

Tv calls! I'm a gonna fighta momma fora tha remota!

7pm. still nothing going on.

ha!

I quote : "other than wanting to be close to you once again. and listen to your heart beat only for me once again.
or wanting to fuck you over and over with no strings attached in an attempt to relieve all this frustration I seem to keep building?
maybe I should consider professional help"

You do think. Someone call a psych. Please. I am not paying for it though.

what do you do when u miss the person
the only one who can calm you
and they're not there
and you know the comfort is temporary
and you know it disguises the reality of...everything
and yet you smile because you just enjoy them
just fucking because.

and you continue to smile on...in this lie that you live

surrounded by so many
and yet alone.
if they only knew how you felt.
but then i don't know how i really feel. it's all this big mess of nothing..and yet something...emotion and none...i'm a walking contradiction.

when you miss humanity...flesh...warmth...
when through some strained chords you feel your heart being pulled from your body
when you feel your soul nowhere.

spare me.

I just watched Fight Club. Finalement. It kicks ass. Literally!

Thank you Stac!!! My mom teared up when she got your card...me too. Thanks from the bottoms of hearts and stuff. *hugs* Mom sends her love!

Jus. :) Thanks.

Dead I am...

Fuck you. Dammit.

Die die die...go to hell...but give me my fucking money. I gave him a deadline of the end of the month. This was way before the whole sugarychic shit amazingly.

So I'm distracted.

Stace - mom's doing better...so that's always cool. :)

Thanks to everyone for their concern.

Where are you when I need you?

Goddamn I'm itching to say something. She's so perky and saccharine I could strangle someone.
Alas...I should get offline and get the rest of my work done...dammit.

I'm at that point where I'm digitally so false...and I want to burst out and say. "Hey you know what girl, your current bf. you know...my ex? Yeh him. The one who you say is your baby? Riiight. Well up to last night he was flirting with me."
She won't believe me though. It actually makes me think about when that whole string of incidences came up last year...egad.
Trace...tourniquet dammit. Put it to fuck on.

LOL.
This is my day. Really.
So up comes authorization request. Who could it be? My ex's current gf. Rofl. Woo! I think she added me by mistake.
SO the fun begins.
*rubs hands gleefully*
I have so much power in my hands it's not funny, but I'm figuring I shall behave...for now.

Lemme see I have another week and a few days to hone my Photoshopping skills (even more). I gathered some rahther interesting tutorials that should help me out even more. It's sorta scary, but good you know. As aforementioned...abnormally sweet pieces of work. Argh. Must do that too. Must I say. Must.
Must go through all of these. Must complete certain number of pieces within this free time. The Europeans know how to rock it baby. They so do.
But first.
Sleep? All of this seems to be draining me.

Ahhhhhhh Rich has a blog!!!! I get menshun! Awwwww :) Yayayayay!

Oh God I'm talentless.
Damn you good talentful people.

*sniff*

Bastards!

The Europeans seem abnormally and insanely good at this shit. Dammit!

So I was going through one of my cheapass discounted magazines (remind me when I'm town again to get more). There was an article on Marilyn Monroe. Being young and not that interested in too many female stars of that era, I never really took iton. So she was a pretty ho...and somehow..now...she's so very...glamorous and beeyooteefull now. So...I see now what the fuss is all about, and in doing my little google search as always, I have come to realise the obsession. Of course there are people obssessed over flatworms. Go figure.

So after I posted that I ended up babbling on and on to Steph who has other things to think about. This should be here...yet not because it's perhaps over personal. I cannot even begin to be as personal as I want to be.

Why can't I just get along with my life, make my life ...be. So the past few months have been interestingly tumultuous. Emotionally. I suppose for the past couple months though, I've pretty much had a tourniquet on my heart. Off and on something leaks out you know...it loosens a little bit, and it goes, poisons my bloodstream and makes me lose a few more brain cells. Great just what I need...a little more dumbassness and sarcasm to lift me up from this abysmal shithole.

If that made sense...go me!

So anyways. What do I want? No...what do I really want? I don't fucking know. So the tourniquet goes back on again...with a teeny weeny bit of leakage that's going to continue to torture me. Yes me...drama queen. So shoot me. I dare you. Wait..hold that thought. Uhm..don't shoot me. I'm not one who likes pain very much.
So if I had a choice/chance with the one who appeals to me the most with that whole sexy aura, what would I do? Flirt thing or *gasp* commitment thing? The latter seems so utopian, and I know I may have some problems with it...now. The former is a temporary fix to fill some kind of void and it's usually not worth it. So then? Ah so you see!
Freeze that heart.

Mom: "Don't trust guys who are too nice to you and mushy and stuff."
In-fucking-deedy.
But then...who do you trust? Not even yourself baby...not even!
How do you know when there's that balance? That proper balance? Where you have someone who isn't that nicey/mushy/chillingly sweet and yet ...cool. Ah well.
I trust mom's judgement better than mine. I know not one shit.

Speaking of mom. She's still sick (for anyone who remotely cared). She's in quite a bit of pain and it ran through her mind that perhaps t may be ome sort of hocus pocus shit, but after my eye-rolling, I am hoping she doesn't take this seriously. She commented that some people may envy our family and our happiness. Hmm. Interesting. My aunt called her this evening, totally upset her, had the lady in tears, so I'm very upset at that. I cannot stand that one aunt. She's rather irritating, and because she's an unhappy, undersexed hag she finds everything to say about everyone. I also have strict instructions that if any family calls, my mother is indisposed. What I actually am tempted to say : she's dead and to go away, but I'll be nice and not project. I do love my mommy.

My ex just flirted with me again. Why? Pfft.

Tourniquet it off. *squish*

I am supposing it'd be nice to write a little about yesterday's rather interesting experience. What it all boils to is that I don't want to do many photo shoots in my lifetime and even though there wasn't that much shooting of photos taking place, it's mostly irritating...especially the whole costume thing. I hope my nose wasn't shining like a glowstick. Geezus. So I'm hoping the nice people use some Photoshopping skills to decrease the ugliness factor. *sigh*
So tsk.
Meeting people is good though. I'm realising more and more how social I am. Dear Lord who would have thought? I work well within smallish groups though, but then...I tend to get around to everyone eventually. Cliques. Hmm. There are many...I have none except a rather large (and growing) geek selection.

Hmm.

So certain people affect me. Dammit. They do...they so do. It's not fair.

So apparently I cannot keep myself away from these damn tests. It's Rufs fault...and I couldn't help the whole fetish test thing. *ducks*


"Fiction turns me on. I'm a Hentai freak!"

What's Your Fetish? Take the test at Nollykin's World

Yikes!!!

Phew. Whatta day. What aday.

By the way. Our url for the animation project Project A is http://animation.rocks.it. Yeh yeh...say what you will. I think it's cute. Darnit. And check the site for an update of the blog...I said a few pertinent things there, which I will expand on..here I think.

So I'm tired. Very very tired. Sleep would be lovely, so off to beddy bye I go...for now.
Bonsoir sweet world.

Mosquitoes being evil...sleep seemingly far from sight...I'm going, I'm going.

Apparently loser #1 has gotten his ass in trouble for sexually harassing a chic. Finally! Heh. Dars and I (her more) cracked up about it. Funeeee. Thank goodness he has not called me! Woohoo!

I'm thinking that having 830 installed fonts is ridiculous.
*nods* Oh yes. I went on a teensy rampage this evening and installed (just checking to see how fast it would install...) over 500 fonts. Letting me explore the Illustrator 10 cd isn't a really good idea. I also installed all the fonts I'd downloaded the other night. I don't even think all installed well...maybe a couple were funky. Goddamn.

I am sick and tired of being ignored by Ravi. I got a really cute little blow off just now which in essence says "I hate you to death" so nicely. Thanks. Really.
So I'm trying to be nice, trying to initate convo, which is something I only do sometimes and I get these annoyingly short answers. Perhaps I deserve it. Just perhaps.
No I really wanted to talk to you. If that's how you want to be fine...just fine.

Dare I say this? I'm bored. Ok so I've been doing work and this and that and been busy, but it's getting to me. I need a life.

We lost. Just as I expected. Miserably to boot. Hah! One guy on the winning team was kinda amazed that we didn't win...or something. So my bottle was liked. Bah. Whatever. I managed to pick up a little prize of a stock photography cd for best of class. Oh yay. Joy.

Liz has the right idea when sending me something like a six pack pic...hehehe. Good to enhance my cruddy mood.

I hate Dirk! Nyah nyah...bastard.

Eyewire Magazine has been the source of some very interesting inspiration, as well as old Rob Genn, whose newsletter always provides me with the energy necessary for getting on my ass and doing some real work.

My brain's buzzing like a little bee. Buzzz Buzz

Tomorrow I expect somewhat of the worst with the final presentation for class. *shakes head* At this point I am giving up. I probably shouldn't, and should push for any suck-up points we can get, but I doubt it very much. Am v. disenchanted with everyone. Would rather stay home and take care of mommy. (Right). Ok, more like get some more work done dammit.

Where is everyone??!!!

I'm thinking too much again. I obviously need sleep and I need to snap out of productice mode. Sleep would be welcoming, considering I've been missing my afternoon siestas of late.

I had something else to say...have duly forgotten of course.

*little frown* He eventually called and so we spoke...for a little while well. Amicable really. Surprise surprise. So whatever.

My fingers are peeling...welll...just one...hmm. Yuck. I just played in water (no I was cleaning the kitchen sink and washing up!)

Mom's still sick..in pain ...alot of it, so I've had to help her out a bit. I just cooked.Ok so I stirred the damn pot, but oh well...I cleared up the place. I feel so...domestic. That's not cool man. I'm glad I ducked out of class today to stay home, try to get some work done, after last night's rather inspiring bit of literature on lazy creative folks.

I get scared when I've been so productive for *looks @ time* 1:19 pm. Hmm. Interesting.

I get home from a lovely morning workout to this. Snippet of convo with mom.

Mom : Guess who called?
Me : Who?
Mom: Guess
Me: No who called?
Mom : Not telling till you guess
Me: Goddamn...WHO?
Mom: Someone who you haven't heard from in a long time...who you were close to and not anymore
Me : (thinking...fuck...not ex not ex not ex) Euuuh well that's a few people (so in denial)
Mom: oh please
Me: Euuh it's a toss up between (name left out) and (ex)
Mom: *giggles @ latter*
Me: Steeewwwwwpppps. What does he want?
Mom : I dunno...

So is that what my nightmares were about?
I dreamt about the girl who tried to break us up at one point last year. I have never seen her...and in my dream I didn't, but I still got set up by her. Repressed memories coming back or something.
I forced myself to wake up from that one.

In the second dream, I fell into a hole...or pothole...something, that was filled with dead rats. Gross.
It also involved some running from badguys, a pharmacist, a cute gay guy in a car driving by, and a bridge. Riight. As I said...I'm crazy.

So I'm going to await his call...why? I'm not sure. I don't even think I should disconnect for his sake. Last I spoke to him he was a real asshole (more than usual) and we have not spoken since. He must want something. Dear God...oh what oh what I wonder is it? So I'm curious to see how much bullshit he can come up with.

After today, I am determined not to fail the next time around. In the next course, I believe the project is an individual thing. I am going to kick ass.
I've been reading some "inspirationaL" articles, geared towards intelligent, creative, lazy people.

Yet no one is here to talk to. Never when I need them, but it's ok I guess. Solace (why do I revel in it?) and Sarah McLachlan is good. Hey I started off with APC ok...give a girl a break. Downloading more fonts, stock art, and reading has been therapeutic however, so I'm ok. Many many more fonts. A few stock pics well. My next project for class will be the bomb. Dammit. I'm taking it on full force goddammit.

"Just that we've stayed too long in the same old sickly skin."

On the note of no one being around. Seems most of my ICQ list is actually online, but it says nothing. Stephen is ignoring me. What's new? Either way I'm ducking everyone. I don't know if I can stomach speaking to anyone. Maybe only a few would understand at this point. They are where? Who knows. Not that it matters...because that would be selfish of me wanting them here coveniently and not appreciating their presence when they are here.

I was on my way home this evening, and I thought the journey (without too much traffic) was longer than most times. I was having these internal conversations in my head. Well monologues, beating myself up for a shitty presentation. There is always more to be done. You idiot. There so is. When you totally agree with the critics, is that good or bad? I always find myself knowing exactly what they're going to say is wrong, yet I don't fix it before. Why? Hmm. Idiot. Ugh. I'm crazy.

Tomorrow is approaching quickly and I would like to get to bed.

Adieu world.
I'll live I swear. I have to prove to that guy that I kick so much ass...and that I can kick his too. Dammit.
Rowr.

There is no one here to rant to.
My parents are unbelievably annoying and don't even bother to listen to my rants. Who cares? I can't cuss the morons in class in front of them anyway.
Fuck me over will ya?
So presentation was this evening. Remember that product we had to come up with? I'm not recalling whether I've stated this before, but this thing was my baby mostly. My concept, my bottle, my logo, my name. Hell.
So I managed to have a flurry of millions of butterflies in my tummy, as the assholes (me included) hurried to finish off last minute shit. That should not have been if the morons had listened to me and had done their work in the first goddamn place.
So there standing before is the frigging art director of one of the most prominent advertising agencies in the country and some other guys. Christum. Of course, me being the elected speaker, starts off...a little shaky. Apparently the other 2 (hah the girl never showed), did not know what designated speaker means, and promptly butted in here and there.
To cut to the chase it wasn't fun. It wasn't complete hell, but it was for me. The shame of showing these billboards that barely tied in, fonts that were not analagous. Dear god the list goes on.
That sinking feeling.
I wished I could have done everything on my own. Oh well now I know.
They go to mark us, and returned to talk to us. That ended up being about so long. Geez. One guy is there asking the most idiotic childish questions. Classless, immature, and not eloquent in the least he is. So embarrassing. O believe I came across as geeky. Great?
So I suppose on Saturday we'll see what happens. Ha!
Dear God help us all. I need this to be perfect. I hate this shit.

Tomorrow is another story. Stupidguy#2 who likes me, wants to film a tv ad. He knows nothing about editing mind you. He expects to do this in a day. Lol.
Help!

This is for Saturday....and we're supposed to try to make up for the bullshit that was done today? *rolls eyes* We've lost.

"difficult not to feel a little disappointed, and passed over" ~ 3 Libras - APC

Some people are so hard to work with.

Lazing way too much for comfort. Great. Sheesh.

take free enneagram test

Enneagram Personality Type One
Perfectionist, Reformer, Judge, Crusader, Critic, Proselytizing

Resentment with the fear of being wrong, bad, evil or corruptible

In a search for perfection, the attention of the One goes to the environment,
improvement, imperfection and correction.

Self Definition
I am good, I am right, I am in control, I am appropriate and I am uncorruptible

Avoidance
Anger, Limitation, Impropriety

Goal
To reclaim a sense of Serenity for true perfection.

And if I feel a rage I won't deny it, I won't fear love.

Fearing love. Hm. Perhaps now.

I cannot believe my mom is into the Real World. Geez. So we're vegetating this afternoon, looking at that ... plus a whole set of other chic things. There's that guy...Kyle - that ho on RW. Ugh. He reminds me of my ex...the fool. He wants the best of two worlds and is an unreasonable bitch. I'm sure he's gonna sleep with that RW girl. What's new. So I'm in an odd mood. I'm not even checking the site...
Bah.
Watched What Women Want...finally. Ugh. Enough chic flicks. Then there was some lameass guy thingy on MTV. Irritating really, but then I'm in that empowered chic mood. *big sigh*

*looks @ time*
Good Trace, great great. Watching tv when you should be finishing work ay. Good!

So I'm sleepy again. This can't be good. I just started! Argh, but then I have to get to the gym. Dammit.

Sleep...eee!