It's very very hot. Ugh. Beach anyone?

Hehehehe saw Stac on teevee. Cools! Congrats again mah girl!

*starts up the Orange Sky* Ahh.

Am so very tired. Exhausted from a day of work. Heard it's gonna get worse in the next phase of it. Ugh oh well, hopefully will be able to work through and get alot done next week and be done by Wednesday or so.

Gods have made complete ass of self. Ah well. Least I got me some much needed info. But still....fuckity fuck.

Justin! Please answer my flippin e-mail!

Arts...is leaving. :( Bon voyage et bonne chance cheri! I'm not even bothering to e-mail, since you don't reply...much..

/weird shitty feeling.

*bored* in office doing work. bleh
off to lunch cannot get msn argh!
going to find food somehow. :-/

Maybe it's time for me to talk about what's going on in Trinidad.
Kidnappings. As Anji said....half of central missing. Lol. Ok it's not funny but getting to be very true. Lordee. Every single day is one or two. One escapes another captured. Ugh.
Elections. Assholes abound.
Death. A local musician Nicholas Williams I believe and the conjoined twins.
Art. Andrew J Fitt's exhibit opens September 3rd...Am now hearing him on the radio on 95.1. I think am gonna be going to that.
*goes to check news online*
*check*
Ok nuthin else.

I was supposed to say a whole lot more, like comment about certain drunk people last night. *snicker* but I guess I shouldn't. I mean it's not his fault he spent a whole lot of money to get pissing drunk and vomit it all up later right? Oh heck no.
Right. Nuff said.

I have work tomorrow. Ew I'm not sure if I like/hate how that sounds.
Can't sleep :(
Should.
*twiddle of thumbs*

I miss peoples.

Oh look! Stac did v v v v well! Congrats to her and her top scorer friends in A's. You rock!!!! Global domination! IMPRESSIVE.
Stace and Dars, I have noticed since our batch left there has been a lack of schols/top marks etc from our alma mater. I remember when Stace and I discussed the growing rep of that school. My god. It's horrid. I guess we'll have to see if they got any schols. Ah really wonder though...hah!

Those stupid batteries. How long ago was it that I put new batteries in my damn mouse. Stupid thing died on me today. Good thing I had the batteries.
*phew* So can I finally blog now?
Last night I managed to pick up again notexactlywhoIwantedpickingmeup. Ugh. Ah well. Brr. Least the pool was alright. My game sucked a lot of ass yet managed to win 99% of mine. Hating Vance for several reasons.
Am being pissed off generally by client contacts who are just being lamearses.
Having heated discussions on GATT forums with unevolved men. What's new?
Uhm what else?
Not feeling in particular bloggy mood. Too neutral for words. Will have to go do a job in UWI from tomorrow. Yay money! Just don't want to bounce up anyone lame.

So I just got in from a little lime with Avin, Vance and friends. Very cool indeed. My head hurts :(
*bep*

Sllleeeeepppppp!!!

Have had most stressful day in a long time. (Yesterday)
I am generally aching all over as well. That didn't make my day any better I can tell ya that one. I need a massage. Volunteers? *sees no sexy hands* Okaay. Fine. Keep it for youself. Bah!
I can barely type and yet I'm up. This is just a welcome relief, though I know bed would be about 10 times better. I have to get up early, do extra stuff on my project and then take it away and drop it off. Oh man. Another full day tomorrow, and I still haven't done half of what I should be doing. Egads.

Yet again annoying neighbour today comes in, in the middle of my work, when I'm going completely insane, and asks me to do MORE shit, saying he'll get back to me to write up the whole paper. What the fuck? Sorry that didn't warrant a wtf. Really. I only hope he's paying me. There goes my mother again, volunteering me without fucking asking. Grr. The simple charts were fine, but don't ask for shit that I don't wanna do/know how the hell to do and not intend to pay me. Hello? Also if your computer's down, you can rent mine, but don't ask me to do your homework for you. I wasn't the one doing the Excel course and I am certainly not the one doing your diploma. You're not my friend...
I established though that I had a project due today, but not sure it registered. Damn old people. Then he looks at me all surprised that I was busy. So I said yes I'm free-lancing, this is my job right now, I'm working from home all confident-like. Christ. Pay me and yeh I'll do it. Sure.

If that wasn't one thing to piss me off, it was other shit, since last night, which I slept on too. I figured it out in the morning without having to call for help. Yay. However, what I thought would take just a few hours got pushed to the whole day. I barely had a break thinking I should send it in today err yesterday. See? Time gone again. It's frigging Tuesday already. Goddmmit!

Stef can tell you, I got online cussin for like 10 minutes straight. I'm so sorry! Talk about need for venting, because when things don't work when they should it drives me utterly insane. I felt like screaming. I did actually give itty bitty screams when no one was here.

Finally finished working around 4:30 (started around 7am or possibly before) and finally had lunch. Chilled out, watched some Gundam and Samurai X (am now liking that), and totally vegetated until some stroke of madness took me and made me start working out,tired and aching as I was/am made it! I guess my blood sugar level got a tad higher than before. Energy you see.

That stupid rowing machine is... well we'll see what happens. Free weights still work better...somehow. I guess it all counts. *sigh*
My shoulders hurt. Shoulders of steel? Lol.
Ok sleeptime.

Trace shall poof now

Checkit.
brring brring phone rings:
c: hey we have a couple free ticks for $500 dinner. wanna go?
me: yeh!! wooo!

Turns out it's this political party dinner. This new party too. See us there reaching late, me going in for free (muhahaha) and stuff. Interesting indeed...we of course being the poorest, yet fitting in so nicely with the bigwigs. *cracking up* We laughed all the way home. Thank god the leader and chairman guy didn't see the car, else they would have been like - huh? WTF?
Fun indeed. I think my mom had the most fun though.

So now I'd be needing to finish my project.

I was just scoping some old pics of Arts and the band... boy oh boy. Dude we must speak asap!

Jusssstinnn!!! Happy Belated Birthday. Hugs kisses love *muah* I'm so sorry I'm so late :(

There has been lightning, power outages, political dinners. (Oh yes political dinner!!)
If my monitor sustains working order *knock on wood* I will write more. If you notice that I disappear for a long period of time you know what the scene is.

I slept, woke up and here I am at 4 am. I've been in French chatrooms. Goodness..!! Stories yes.

Happy Belated Birthday Stephen!

*looks at stack of work to do* Uh huh.

This is funnnnyyyyyy. Had to write a rebuttal "program" (sorry just copied his format - wish it could have been more accurate). If anyonecan provide a better one you're v v welcome - rich, lab fire away :)

Poor Stace. Don't worry chic...we all magnetise losers for some strange reaosn...at least most of us...

program MakeItUpToStacey() {
Sorry();
Thoughts();
Friends();
Possible_Future_Outcomes();
Available();
Bye();

function Sorry() {
println("Stace, I am very sorry girl");
}

function Thoughts () {
println("I acted like a fool");
println("I hope I can make it up to you");
}

function Friends() {
println("Of all my friends, you are the best-est");
println("I still have a lot to learn in life,");
println("even though I am quite experienced,");
println("probably in the wrong kind of things!");
}

function Possible_Future_Outcomes() {
I_Behave_Myself := true;
Best_Friends_Forever := true;
for (i=23; i<=MAXINT; i++) { //my age till forever
if (I_Behave_Myself) {
Stacey_Will_Be_Happy := true ;
Best_Friends_Forever := true;
}
else {
Stacey_Will_Be_Happy := false;
Best_Friends_Forever := false;
}}
}

function Available () {
println("I would like to know if you and Amarla,");
println("will be avaiable on Sept. 14th or 15th");
println("Please tell me as soon as possible which date");
println("If not then the week after");
println("One of those days is very important to me");
}

function Bye () {
println("I am very thankful to have a friend like you");
println("Laters");
}
} //end program

Goddamn can you be more pathetique?
My reply?

program Getalifefreakbitch() {
Idiot();
Thoughts();
Friends();
Possible_Future_Outcomes();
Available();
Bye();

function Idiot() {
println("You're an idiot");
}

function Thoughts () {
println("Please stay away from me");
println("I hope I won't have to get a restraining order");
}

function Friends() {
println("You're not my best friend");
println("I don't want you in my life,");
println("but you don't give up do you?,");
println("stop emailing me this bullshit!");
}

function Possible_Future_Outcomes() {
I_Kill_You := true;
Best_Friends_Forever := false;
for (i=23; i<=MAXINT; i++) { //my age till forever
if (I_Kill_You) {
Stacey_Will_Be_Happy := true ;
Best_Friends_Forever := false;
}
else {
Stacey_Will_Be_Happy := false;
Best_Friends_Forever := false;
}}
}

function Available () {
println("Stop calling,");
println("Stop e-mailing");
println("Stop making a jackass of yourself");
println("I told you I don't want you");
println("Get it?");
}

function Bye () {
println("Hopefully forever");
println("Freak");
}
} //end program

I'm having less and less tolerance for assholes. Really.
Oh look loser # 1 online (is very blocked). Am half tempted to unblock and have some fun...but for his sake I won't. See I'm nice. Trying to build good karma things. Of course I lost about 100 points for the program...oh well. *grin* Me? Go to hell? Never! *polishes halo that is already glimmering prettily*
La di dah. Wonder if I should sleep.

Lol... sorry had to do this one.



Whatever! It's a going...thing that I am going through some sort of dry spell. Lab...shut up. Yesterday heard it about 10 times. Ugh. Do not need any more reminders of my life sans significant other/s. Dammit! Even unexpected people are getting action and I'm not. Blasphemy, but say what. Am cool...just..salted encrusted with salt crystals....but that's ok...am mellowed with that. I think.

Yesterday I was at my aunt's office scanning some stuff (Epson Perfection scanner is decent) and chilling withher after work. Got me soem strawberry cheesecake ice-cream Woo hoo! Yum. Arts I enjoyed every bite of it ;). She dropped me off to get a taxi to get home, and by this time it was getting pretty late - around 6:15 or something. Standing there waiting for a taxi, looking at all these strange people on the stand, and I espy a car reversing. The guy wasn't looking too bad and you know me with my blind self. Oh the horror. Asked him if he was getting to my street, he said yes. Yay! Home time!
Hop in car, realise holy shit this dude is HOT! This has never EVER happened before. A cute taxi driver? I find out later (thank god for passengers having turnoffs) that he soes not do that every day and stuff. Is very polite, has accent. beautiful profile, hair, nose, eyes and smile. Not bad baby. Did not chicken out to talk, but did not talk enough. Oh hell will probaby not ever see him again in life. Actually is from around the area (rich goddamn part). Did not know hotties existed here. See they're rich. I'm not. Problem! Ok well I dunno what the fuck he's doing taxi work for sometimes because he either needs to sustain a drug habit or a girlfriend or something because his car is decent (maybe has to pay back for it), works (working clothes) and seems to come from classy enough family...or something. I guess we all need $.

Go Dars! I'm just very happy for her right now. Going out, meeting online guys. Oh man...she's growing up. *tear*
No that was not a drinking night if you drank Sprite!! Theoretically it is but still man. Right forgot no Shandy up there...the gin and tonic not bad you know.

Stace...lol!

Stef *hug* Poor chile.

Arts *heart*

Synth - well. Hmmmmmm.

So I managed to break my shades in the door of the car...don't ask how I know not. Grr. Need pretty new one now...Have a couple but they're just not right. Ugh.
Also family has acquired new fitness machine. Lol. Weird rowy thing...wtf...I need LEGS goddammit...not shoulders!!! Ok well maybe I need shoulders, but I need leg work!! Bikes are boring though, so I guess that will do.

I need a scanner.

Lemme see.



i am extremely intelligent and very wise. i think logically and rhetorically in order to get problems solved. if i'm not mad now, i'm getting very close.


YESSS!!! Muhhahahahahahahahhahaaha! Rooaarr!
Ok so that freaked me out slightly goddamn that thing is ugly. I'm not ugly :(

Rainy day today, but managed to get a few things done. Didn't step out of the house. Heck no no in that horrid rain. Nice rain for cuddling in bed all day.

Must...do...work...
*drags self off kicking and screaming*

Comments : Please remove all mention of my name in "the love" section. I wish not to be associated you with you...EVER.
Guess which "nice-guy"... � 08/19/02 02:16am

Funny, I thought he was ignoring me and not associating with me "ever", yet he notices this. Curious really.
*giggle*

I am very exhausted. Have been busy that's why I've been scarce. Yes m'dears, I have been doing work. I'm stuck on the last (probably most important goddamn part) of the site. Tonight though I was working on something else.
Yesterday there was 0 electricity so I ended up talking (dear lord) to mom - about my life. Talk about energy sucking. That took every ounce of self control and ... everything out of me, and coupled with the heat, no fan, no computer, no music, no tv - hell!
So mom made it her point to lecture me about my life and where it's not going, and what I should be doing. I have given in to the money calling and need to start getting a life and sacrifice my search for myself and my art niche until I can afford to do so (apparently). Rigght. So the search is on.
That's probably all that I have to report. I would have more to say if I wasn't so tired. Gah almost 4. Great!
Meanwhile I cannot stand people who just appear on your doorstep and expect you to do things you have stated you cannot do and be persistent and take advantage of your time and not fucking pay you!!!!! Grrr. I hate Excel by the way.
*calms self*

Loving Craig David v v much.
My addiction to Radiohead is..well not a complete addiction...yet...I need more. Jus!!!! Gimme! Pweese! Kid A is all I have so far. :(

Right so sleeptime.

Your magical style is Faery.

What type of Magic do you work?. Take the Magical Style Quiz by Paradox



You are a muse.

What legend are you?. Take the Legendary Being Quiz by Paradox

You Have a Nice Ass!

Oooh, baby can you shake that booty?

With an ass so fine, it's your duty.

Give it a grab, give it a spank.

You're the envy of every skank.



What Ass Do *You* Have??

ROFL.Go me!

Ok so apologies for not blogging for a while. Yes yes I know you have missed me my dears. I have been doing work/being bored out of skull by no electricity syndrome - no computer no tv no fan ...the world is not livable without such. Much more to tell of my whereabouts (or notanywhereabouts) but that will come later if I can manage. I have some stuff to finish off right now.

*muah* to you all.

Sleeeepppyyyyy. Have not gotten much sleep yet, so will do in a few.
Saw Rich yesterday...he was all wavy, and am there - hmm I know that persona...might be Rich - oh - methinks it is. *wave* I did well - was not wearing glasses and saw - yay!
Stace, Stac, Ria and Stac's friends et moi were having decadent sundaes at TCBY. Ah what fun. Oh and I did have a McFlurry Friday night. *gasp* Yum :) *goofy grin*
We girl went gaping around Valpark, doing really girly things. Gods how disgustingly cool. Need money - many things to be bought. Many pretty things. Ah well.
My father told me yesterday to go buy my scanner - my uncle's has been returned. Urgh. Grr. *pout*
This is not coherent post. Please ignore most of it though it is all true - but cruddy. I apologise.

Was in terrible terrible mood yesterday and well going out helped. Stac, Aadam, Andre, Kristy and I (who by the grace of God got to go), went to the Orange Sky concert last night.
It was pretty damn good if I must say so. Goddamn. Quite an experience. I haven't been to any live performances/concerts in a while other than my aunt's band, but hello, this was definitely one of the more kickassest shows I've been to. My hair smells like cigs and weed, but hey that's ok too. Am proud to say that I did not get picked up by any freaks whatsoever, although on other hand, generally ignored by the hotties we "conveniently" placed ourselves by. *grin* Talk about s c o p e. Woo wee. Tried to get Jase to take pics of one especially lovely hunk with eyebrow pierced, but apparently ... oh well just did not get pic :( Least got to stand there :P
Oh crap I missed a double showing of Tarzan on Disney...but that's ok, that's way ok. Scopes worth it. Oh yeh and la musique. Nigel put down a suh-weeeettttt flamenco type piece. Dear Lord. Went mad! Drum solo very cool. Horn/Flute guy v v hot and v v good. Woo.
The band is definitely kickin a LOT of ass. Good luck to them with the recording stuff.
If you weren't there you missed out. Stace wish you could have been there.

Stac is currently snoring away and I can't sleep anymore. Need breakfast. Am hungry.Who limin with us today?

Yay wireless mousey be workin sweet. Finally got batteries, so I'm happy again.
Dars and her froggy friend. Interesting. Hehehe.

Ok so it's a good thing I checked my comments this afternoon else may have missed info on MBS. *sigh* To stalk or not to stalk c'est la question. Ok I'm kidding geezus. Least I know where he hangs out...but then, even so. Whatever. Have better things to do with time. Thank you "me" again! Hahaha goddammit you tempt me greatly.

See have not been totally bad today. Have done much reading and research (when should be completing site) - but it all counts. It all counts and will contribute to it in the end. Of course had to be interrupted by cousins who did not contribute much to intelligent uhm conversation and education.
Losing confidence in self again, yet trying not to.

Arts. *wave* He readith bloggith! Wooo hoo! :) Finally!!!

Last but not least - congrats to Stac for a very good performance in A's. Yay! Well well done and bonne chance!

Jhag, you're nice and sweet but can be a bitch too and you're not a poser and people know this from the start. You're not perfect on the outside - much unlike the emotional fuckwit bastards I speak of. They are the kinds that can do no wrong, that understand and care and worship the ground their women walk on. They are the sweetest to the in-laws too. When they know they have a hold of you they gather up this idea of power and ownership of the woman. I mean this guy told his wife that when she married him she gave up her right to go out and have fun; that he wasn't going to take her anywhere anymore, that it is too dangerous and that she is expected to stay home and see about him and the baby. He controls her finances and clothes and just about everything else. Tell me is that a marriage or a prison. This is a true story...really. In this day and age. Yes. She also accepted it for probably far too long. They haven't been married for even a year yet. How fucked is that?

So we learn some lessons.

Dars is safe in geese, bunny and cow filled Champaign Illinois. She has net access so this is good. Yay!
Stac - leaving :(
Stace - frustrated.
Jhaggy - uhm. "RA duties" has the boy having tantrums.
Lab - denial as per usual - or so he likes to make it seem - for unknown male Libratic(* madeup word that will go in dictionary) reasons.
Rich - *poke*
Avin - out of hospital and getting better.
Jus - where is he? I would be needing to talk to him but is miserable as usual.
Must call Ross when have awakened in am.

I think I've restarted this blog about 3 times tonight. This morning. Christ it's 3 am.

Ohhh. Gotta find me a Newsday.
Richard always seems abreast of all these happenings and I am just living under a rock. Merci beaucoup.
This Asian has had a little rest but the daily heat is just sucking out every ounce of energy.

Oh yeh about this Asian thing. I found out that we're like...wanted for some ungodly reason. Dirk says it's because of huge amount of Asian porn online. Geeee. Stace was here after Dars left yesterday and we're talking about it, and she's saying her bro is into Asian chics too... like 80% of the guys I know now. What gives? Stef Jus Ross Dirk Stace's bro, uhmm who again? Everyone!! I'm not really into Asian guys...err...but anyways. I should be grateful and proud and happy to be in the high demand race category? *eyes turn upwards* Righto. Get away from me freaks.

I just checked Heartless-Bitches after a little hiatus. Today I found out that one of my mom's friends daughter who recently got married has pretty much broken up with manipulative controller emotional fuckwit husband, who keeps pressing all the right buttons to get back with her at times. Ugh!!! Ah. Again my mother engraved the idea into my head that those nice sweet guys are jerks just waiting to get married and control you like a fucking robot. Indeed.

Up.Cold. 4:15 am. Up because? Got up to go to toilet...not sleepy anymore now. Geez. 30 seconds is all it takes to wake me up now?
Gym - that long forgotten memory of bikes and dumbells. Ah that glint of metal, that smell of... sweat. Ah I miss it so. Shall return some day I really must!

Brr. No am not taking the fan off.

Contemplating on day. Should do some work unless otherwise distracted. Hoping heat will not bother me too much and will get stuff done.

Wondering about animation, film video stuff. Hmmmm
*pulls blanky around self*

Yesterday morning 10:30 I wake up to brring brring.
Avin: "Guess where I am?" Me: Uhm I dunno? A: Hospital Me: WTF?
He got hit pretty bad by the virus which totally screwed up his lungs, but he's ok and should be out today. Get well soon dear.
That reminds me of how much I should be drugging up because I'm not totally better yet. Eeek! You already know how much I hate getting sick.

Wanna know what I'm really doing? French. Oh the things that can distract me at 5 am. :) There's no real reasonfor it either so don't start thinking anything funny. It's cool to just check back sometimes. I do need to get back into it. So there.

Well Dars is off (in a few hours).Bon voyage cherie!
Our last lime was short but ok I guess, while my computer had to embarrass me all day. I hate having a dead mouse. I am currently using my old mouse without a scroll (gah the thought!), and had to switch it to use the right button because the left button is dead. CHRIST.

Today accomplished nothing special. Found out who MBS is, thank you "me" for letting me know. Promise I won't stalk him. Lol. Dammit. Temptation. My mom says I will always have bad luck in love because am pig-headed Saggie. Grr. Should not believe that. *pout* Who cares about love? Blah screwit.

Sleepy.

Oh oh oh I won 2 games of pool against Ross! Muhahahaha. Must duck from him now. He called Jus (who has surprisingly blogged - oh me oh my!) who was just shocked to hear my voice. He was like... laughing and grinning - you know that shocked look he has..yes I know it quite well. "What are you and Rossi doing at the same time and place? Are you at Rossi's house???!!" Lol. He'd been sleeping...tsk at 5 pm. Gee. Was wonderful to talk to Jussypoo again though.
I won I won. :P @ Ross.
Anyways cool lime.
Am still sleepy. Awoke oh before 7 this morning. Eeeeeek!

Yay Jus blogged!

Ok I put this off long enough. Have been chatting since I got online. Still am.
Rossi is here!! Arts told me this evening. So we should be liming some time.
Has Justin forgotten how to blog? Ok ok I know he's busy. I miss the bastard.

Good luck to Stace who starts her new job tomorrow. Woo hoo!
What again?
By the way, if anyone is interested in our animation site? Please do visit. Even though it's late I figure I'll keep it updated and such especially for the next project. The look may change though, but I figure it will be basically the same.

There was more stuff I had to say but oh well.

Talked to Dars finally. She actually finished braiding her hair tonight. A day ahead of schedule! Hehe still our only lime is Tuesday evening before she goes :( Oh well it's better than nothing. So we were talking about these braid things and I mentioned the gala event. She said ethnic is in. Ohhh said I. Lol. That would explain it I guess. SBI just wasn't ethnic enough!!!
Sleeptime.

*looks around*
So I woke up at 1:30 this afternoon. Hehehhe. Rain was falling, so of course plans buss. Hm should call Ryan and say am not coming, though he probably figured that out already. Woops am gonna get cuss for that.

Wheretf is Dars? *pout*

Sleepy.

So I just got home from interesting Liquid lime. Dirk his sister and her friends et moi. Of course had to be accosted by losers. Wonderful.
This one guy sends his friend over to tell me "my pardna over there want yuh tuh come and dance with him". Well you know me. LOL. "So why he couldn't come himself?"
Tsk. Then like an hour later after staring at me for fucking ages, mr "shy" (pussy) comes over and says "So why don't you come lime with me over there?" *rolling of eyes begin* Very short "conversation" ensues and he walks away. No I didn't tell him anything bad, or cuss him ok? BO-ring. Lewser. They wonder why...and then label chics like us arrogant or something.

Not that I expected to pick up any half decent people. *sigh* Sad. Not one good lookin man in there. I mean some were not exactly hideous, but the dark helps em look better I suppose. I mean if I had to settle there were maybe 2 or 3 that may have gotten some semblance of attention. Lord...help. Then had to humour some drunk very hyper, horny guy who kept bothering the bunch of us. Stewps. I can't take on this people wining up on me thing. Course....if dey hot...hmm.

Have had a few drinks and not v drunk/tight/anything. Interesting. *gulps water now to rehydrate self*

Oh well. I should sleep now. Massive headache/stuffed head. Exhausted. Contemplating staying home tomorrow, but I already ducked out of things yesterday so shouldn't really. I'll probably be bored and boiling home. Beach is the plan. Who's coming with me?

Ugh no one is awake.

Stac - hmm indeed. Luck will be with you.
Stace lol - I figured out that shape of mind thing - lol. Hahaha. They hadda come better than that yes.
Where is Jhaggy? Oh there he is! Poor baby frustrated about the RA thing. Tsk. Don't fall over hun - you're tall - it could hurt you know.
Dars? :( *poke* Good Lord - this no liming thing is being not fun. She under heavy manners... !! Argh!

Apparently am just way busy for past week and missing out on a whole lot of stuff. No one is online and well I guess I have some time to blog and rant all I want.

Stupid politics people and gala events
We didn't really have to go after all, but showed up because I figure we thought we had to, and I guess it was an opportunity to get out of the house - right? I'm talking about the Animae Caribe thing. So the evening gala event and award ceremony was at the Normandie. We got there, to be rudely asked if we had paid! I think we were the only ones who did get asked that question. Was our piece that bad? I keep wondering if we had won something and was supposed to go collect it and no one was there how that would have been. Really now.
There was no real organisation of the event, things started late and communication was a mess. I got there and the people looked at me like if I was a fucking outsider. I don't get it. Christ yes I'm a fucking participant - woman I worked my ass off for a whole 3 days on that shit. I was in the magazine (which I heard - our picture was best btw lab ;) )! Bah morons! And no I don't have to pay because I'm one of them, because they told us that we didn't have to pay for anything. If we did I was surely not going to be there - for sure. Duh?

Should I even get started on the people there? Hmm. I will get hated for this but...say what - they can suck my ass.

I fucking hate girlie girls
So last night in this gala thing Chris Dirk Jess and I are standing like complete idiots at the front door (waiting to be let in!), when who can come in bee-line and looking as fucking prim and put away as can be - the Miss T&T chics - however many there were. The boys were just like..whoa... but I felt this nauseous wave coming on. Dear Lord...help - ditzes - brain shutting down!!! I wondered, hmmm - do any of them even know what they were there for other than the opportunity for more press and pretty pictures and maybe to get to meet Robert Townsend - oh my god a star oh wow. *roll of eyes* Spare me.

The Princess
There's some Lisa girl who thinks she's all that and a can of Pringles. She does some morning TV show and I guess she thinks she's a star or something. Is very corny and lame. So she's there in her princess dress, not that it isn't pretty, but gee...you don't have to out-do the miss T&T chics - you're not at the fucking Oscars.. She's click clocking around and throwing herself on mr movie star (who is v nice it seems), smiling happily for the cameras for she is tv star you know - must look best at all times. Whatta poser. What pisses me off about her is that I didn't like her before last night because I realised from an interview I saw last week with Nigel that she tends to have these holier-than-thou views. She totally hung him up on a tree for violence in gaming and why we encourage it and blah blah blah bullshit. *roll of eyes* If I was awake I may have called in and said that I like the blood and gore just to piss her and the other caller off a little more.

Other than Ms It and the Ditzes, there were a bunch of old people who have 0 interest in animation and were just there to be known and to show off their clothes...and braids. No offense, but must all black conscious earthy earth self-proclaimed motherland finders wear long flowing gowns and have either a ras or braids to their butts? I know I gettin flamed for that since I'm not black and don't understand anything. I must be too Westernized or Trini or something and should try to go back find my Chinese culture and wear funny hats and ... hold on... those Asians wear fancier more western clothes than I do. :P See? Blah.

Oh god....the storytellers. It was good yeh, but...uhmmm. Sorry boring. *snore* It "cultural" I guess. Cultural my arse. I should be proud blah blah yeh yeh I am I suppose but sometimes the over-doing of stuff is just stupid.

I'm gonna go out now and be part of the sheep. I have no nice clothes... oh well. Will continue rant about stuff later.

*grunt*
Mm am happy yet sad, cool but hot. Moodyish I guess. Extremes in a way but more happy I suppose. I'll rant about it some more when I can, but sleep seems like a good idea right about now.

Ok silence at last. The people have all gone to sleep...or gone out as in case of Jhag et autres. Missin sexy bastard. Tsk. Should not do that. Is against heartless-bitch thing maybe.
Well I though I woulda stayed home yesterday and slept, but did not. Instead spent q-time with mom and aunt shopping around. Got v pretty wind chime. Woo. Dazzled by beautiful wares for refurbishing of kitchen - which of course will not finish anytime soon. Will prolly not get new wares. :-/ But anyways it was all purty.
Today must attend Animae Caribe. All invited - just pay $20 to get in and mill around and check stuff out. It should be cool. Must see everyone else's v good work and die when ours is shown. *sigh* However, must be v proud to have done in 6 hours - well video editing period and not knowing proggy. Must remember this and use as disclaimer. Indeed. Must not feel guilty at all. :(
Must socialise and put on happy shiny face. Must be awake. Really. Hopefully caffeine available.
Should sleep just about now. Am hearing strange noises outside again...*sigh* Not fun at all.
Oops have forgotten to drug up. Wonder if should...should not depend on drugs...hmm. Argh.
*twiddle of thumbs*

So hear this one - may/will have exhibition maybe at end of year thanks to offer from Q. That will be interesting. I will be working on that... maybe traditional + digital art pieces. Something to that effect.

Q and is v v cool :) Yes Q I will advertise Critical Analysis more and add link to linky page soon soon soon.

Finally I sleep.
Gone mad once again over Noah Grey photography!!! Had not checked there in eons...and to my relief - new stuff woo hoo!

It's been just 3 days, and I've gone through much withdrawal from blogs, my best friends, mail and the like.
Currently dehydrated (too much lime juice not enough water), coughing, head stuffed up. Thank God for drugs else I would probably still be sneezing uncontrollably and coughing up my intestines by now.
Monday was just an overall wonderful wonderful day. I got some visitors and the flu and started the animation project which we had just 3 days to complete. Joy. That could really top the year you know. I haven't had a sneezing attack like that for a long long time.
Tuesday overall waste, when I lay flat in bed for most of the day, feeling guilty that I could do nothing.
Today. Hah. Little better so worked my ass off, slept, worked my ass off again...and have been going since. It is done. Hopefully. I don't wanna see that thing again for a while. A long long time.
A rather interesting experience of course. That's what you deserve for not doing your work before Trace...to be sick and hacking and nose running like a pipe and to have to do work!!! You evil bitch you! Pay I say! Pay!!! That's what God is saying am sure.
Premiere is a bitch if you don't know it. I sorta half picked it up, and it seems like it would be cool in the end if I eventually learn it. I should, because video editing seems very fun indeed. *is wanting dv cam now* It takes up space and stuff though. Eeks. Note to self " learn about video stuff...

Am tired and I refuse to sleep...when I hit that bed I don't think I'll get off of it soon after.

While all of this has been going on, the floor of the kitchen has been getting tiled. Oooh. Talk about a mess. Have not done a thing as I though I may have. I think I am just way too tired and picky to bother. Can't take the dust either. I sound very whiny indeed. I am. Blah tired.

Jhag didn't respond. Hehehe. Hmmm.

Must write Richard - will do that now.
Arts is where? His new music kicks ass - did I mention that?

Why is this sad music playing?
I've passed the point of weariness, so much so that I cannot sleep.
Stac helloo!
I miss you people. *sniff*

Firstly, it helps to do what? Make you feel better? Make you "understand"? It's not that you don't understand or not recognise it in hindsight. You seem pretty knowledgeable about it from the get-go judging from the affinity you find with this site.

Yes it helps me "understand". Considering I'm still in the healing process and probably will be for a while, it ameliorates my perspective on males, relationships and the male/female psyche. The affinity comes from this same recognition of experiences and different personalities. The knowing that you're not alone in your fight and that someone has some semblance of a better picture, while you're confused and stupid (or not ) and stuck in your own little universe floating around not really sure of anything. It can clear up many a doubt, or even create bigger ones, but it's basically how one interpretes all of this information. I love it because it opens a wider field of vision.

You're telling me that once you've realized you made a bad decision with someone you'll never ever go back and do the same thing with someone else, or (god forbid) the same person? If you say "no" then I'll drop everything and say that you win this battle because I'm honestly not figuring that into this equation. (Yes I know you said "at least try" but that doesn't count - in this sense, "trying" simply means an extended battle with yourself before giving into whatever similar situation you had before).

You may do it again yes, but you will snap out of it a little sooner and realise what you're doing. It's an on-going process. This depends again on the situation. I can say "no" to many things now than ever before, and as I go along I may find more things to say "no" to or "yes". At the end of it all you still have to make decisions for yourself. Choice. You have to think for yourself.

Oh I can understand the need for identifying with others. But that severely limits your description of "bible" dear.

Uhm what is my description of "bible"? I don't think I actually gave a definition of my "bible". If you were wondering, it's a slang I use - . Something you live by, something you check every day, but something you stillhave a choice about. Of course...that's warped but it's still a slang.

I asked if it was necessary for girls in general to somehow use that for self-protection.

And I said yes rather clearly. Check back. Funny you still don't get why you don't get it about self-protection. It ain't no airtight container but sheesh. *knocks on skull*

Especially articles like these.

It's reality. Maybe you too sheltered/inexperienced to understand that one. If you find something great then wonderful. That's good, but there are cases when this is exactly as stated. Bullshit talk from guys.

Yes I know it's a rant. But I don't think that you do.
Huh? So are these your real opinions or are you just talking out of your ass?

Once again, I'll stop right here if you tell me that you'll take it to heart and slap down the next guy who wooes you with similar words

Slapping.

Me (from before):Hell no it isn't seen as an aberration for them not to finish last...We love nice guys. Nice guys are great, but not the ones who form the basic specimen sample of that article. The article heading is : Why Nice Guys are OFTEN such Losers. Note word..often. It isn't fixed in stone. All of these things have exceptions.

So what, now you're saying that it's not strange anymore for nice guys to come out on top, and yet you're saying that it's still the exception?That statement is an affront to logic and I'll have nothing to do with it.

Uhhhhhhh? Que? Point is. Some nice guys are nice some are fucking losers. *snicker*

You say "guidelines", I say "opinion". I think we see where the fundamental difference is.

We do? Did you really read that article or are you just bluffing? Those are guidelines. They can be followed or not. Again. Choice.

You'll be hard pressed to find a loser who matches every one of those descriptions (although I believe that they're out there). I agree that that guys are guilty of such behaviour, but this writer poses the situations in the extreme. It's easy to agree with an extreme. What happens when it's not so clear cut?

Choice (for gazillioth time). Grey matter. Use it! It's meant to spoon feed your soul up to a point and then after it's still your fucking life. Do whatever you want...consequence inevitable good or bad, but you had had the different perspective.

Me? Bitter? My dear Chan, are you saying that you're not? Ah. Interesting. Ruffled feathers don't mean extra issues...given the purpose of the site I'd say that identifying closely with the writings and rantings do.

What's this switch on the issue about? I never said anything about me. Weak shot.
Did I say extra issues?
Ooooohhhh am all aghast. Cheap shot but it bounced off.

And I don't presume to be a "nice guy". I've been called "bastard" by some and "cool" by others. I'm just a guy who wanted to blog.

*in Q3 unidentified voice that says stupid things* Defense!

Alas I must stop here, I've already expended much energy and time on this, but I didn't think it could wait, and am also afraid that if I go back tos leep I'll have another fucked up nightmare. Does anyone know what earthquakes and tidal waves signify in dreams? P r e m o n i t i o n ? God forbid.

Last night we lost in our Q3 game, but we put up a good fight (for people who have not played) nevertheless and had fun. Once we girls step up our gaming skills we shall be unstoppable! Who's up for it?

*scratches mosquito bite on foot*

I have a fucked week ahead, so, I'll be out of commission. (Hopefully). E-mail me.

He whined...but it was just a filler thing...sure. sure. make excuses.

*awaits reply*

As aforementioned ... the chic bible. Finally. I've been seeking this since I was introduced to askmen... the guy bible. Yay for Stace and powazek! The revolution has begun. The stronger woman shall emerge.
Oh oh oh he doesn't know what he's going up against. Oh boy. Poor him.

N: That was some interesting, stupid, reading...

I am gearing myself for a very fun argument. *grin*
Damn he's on phone..prolly with the new squeeze. Lol. Even funnier.

I'm just addicted. *sigh*

Orrite. Lemmeh do this.

"these are a collection of ladies who have either undergone rather serious realizations of god-knows-what about the men they've met (and have, of course, intelligently decided to bequeath implications for the entire gender), or have simply elucidated their ideas in very creative rantings about pseudo-reality."

Wow. Pseudo-reality eh? Puh-lease.
Actually for me some of these things are very close to home and very true indeed. I suggest you go through the whole site. Maybe it's only because you're not a chic and have not been through anything like this :) You've been through nice-guy things haven't you?

"Must it be required reading for girls to read the bitterness and pain of other relationships so they can somehow be better protected from the future?"

Yes. It's not that there will never be pain or hurt, but this definitely helps. Heck, at least they'll be able to recognise it after they've been hurt, and know not what to do again...or at least try. It helps. Trust me on this one.

"I don't care about the fact that nice guys usually finish last.It's the fact that it's seen as an aberration for them not to."

Hehe...sounds like you think you're a nice guy huh? Well you're not you're an evil bastard like the rest of them. J/k. But seriously...
Hell no it isn't seen as an aberration for them not to finish last. At all. Good Lord my boy. The bitterness is flowing.
We love nice guys. Nice guys are great, but not the ones who form the basic specimen sample of that article. The article heading is : Why Nice Guys are OFTEN such Losers. Note word..often. It isn't fixed in stone. All of these things have exceptions. Oh come on now...you of all people. Disappointing.

"Is it really so horrible for a man to try and appease these needs in the opposite sex?"

Uhm nope. We eh say doh appease...just don't fucking overdo it! That's why it have guidelines like this.

"The right one will simply seem as if he isn't trying."

Maybe. Sometimes a gesture is very nice though. Balance..it's all about balance baby. Pft really now.

" And what difference does that make in the scheme of things?"

*shakes head* Do I have to answer that one? I really don't think I should.

The thing is that even though these opinions are towards men it is not gender exclusive. Pretty mutual actually. I see many emotional manipulative females. I've probably done it myself without knowing it as well. Maybe guys do it as well. I have a pretty open mind to this, but the fact remains is that the site is pretty damn good and does touch on some rather important points. Both sexes should find it entertaining, useful and for those who are getting their feathers fluffed about it are probably the ones with more issues than the average joe. I'm watching you Jhagroo. Real bitch-rant there. Lol.

I've tried to make it short and sweet for I am tired.

*sweet smile* I still love Stef despite his bitterness :) *muah*

God....Jhagroo has started on the heartless-bitches thing.
At this hour...and in present mental state...cannot bear.
I'm kinda skimming through it but will reply some time...just can't bear another thing on mind. Else will explode.

I have to get up early. Well I'm up what can I say?

I'm lookin at the flames feed off the bodies of insects which have met their demise following the light and diving headfirst into a hot gel candle. Fun.

Trace is insect diving into light of hot gel wax

*mood*

*sob*

Not doing well. at all. tonight. *sigh*

I was doing well, but I (as usual) thought about stuff and well ... alas.
I slept generally all day yesterday. Stress? :-/
I need say an extra two weeks...for stuff...just stuff don't ask. Everything happening at one time. Hate this.

One good thing though I can say is that Arts is just extremely talented and cool and everything. Have been talking to him a little more of late and it's been really cool. Some people are just good for your soul.

I've been thinking lately about what I want and what I deserve. I've probably mentioned this. I used to hang with this certain guy online, who was very rude and bitter and just overall - vile. I stopped hanging with him because I know I shouldn't expose myself to those kind of insults (even if they say it's a joke but it became way too much)...it isn't good for you. You shouldn't hang around people who are bad for you. Of course you know this. This is just all the more reason to. Maybe I'm just late out of the boxes or whatever. Since I stopped hanging with him I've not had dips in self esteem as much.
...
Later on :

Oh!!!! Lookkyy. I feel so special..."I came back just for you" Aww. *tear* So sweet indeed. Made me smile!

Jus made it online as well...and happened to pass on some advice. Yay. Thank you - for everything!

*muahs to those who care so much...* I do love you all.
I guess I'm feeling a lot better now, though I'm really not sure how the fuck I'm getting through the next oh... 8 days? *prays*
So many things upon my heart and soul... please guys just cross your fingers for me?

Holy fucking cow. Yes I'm still reading this and that article just... well. Hm. *sigh* Indeed. Whoa ^100. Is it too late in the game for realisation? When one has thought she has sufficiently moved along and mature considerably. Ah it all makes sense this!

There's so much I can quote from this. This one thing though I thought was rather poignant.

"It was HER responsibility to rectify things with HIM. And he can't understand why she would have NO desire to have any contact with him, NO desire to have anything to do with him - after all he did for her, after what they had. After all, SHE is the one who did unforgivable things. He's so uncomfortable around her now, because of how much she hurt him."

*cracks up* Oh yes indeed this is the second chic bible. ROFL. Oh I love that.

Ways.... this very much rocks on. Guys - good or not - please read...please. Very informative. Ah yes I love this site. V v much indeed.

Quoted from heartless-bitches.com : "I have no patience or time for people who wear their insecurities on their sleeves like badges of honour."

"Somebody just needs to massage that boy's forehead with a brick. I mean, why doesn't he just lie down IN FRONT of the oncoming train?"

LOL!

Spent a very cool evening with the girls - the old primary school crew - well not really, but it was cool. Dars Giselle et moi. Indulged in evil gournet Dairy Bar ice cream, proceeded to TGIF - which was packed to capacity, and then to the Pelican, where they had pinapple juice while I indulged in a beautiful cranberry vodka and pineapple splash drink. Ahh yes. Yum!

To top off the night : "Heartless does not imply "frigid" or "cold". Rather it means that a strong woman can use her gray matter instead of a pretty shape or blood-filled chamber." -- Carrie Dalton that sums it all up.

By the way am very good girl, only reputed to be evil. Ok? :)