Gawd am sleepy.

Thanks for the support guys. I love youuu!
*hugs for Arts*
*hugs for alot of other special people* :) I have more readers I think. *giggle*

Preparing oneself for death is like tearing your heart out. I mean you�re supposed to prepare yourself at any given time for anything to happen. Once in a while I wonder okay, if this were to happen now what would I do? I don�t think you know how you�d react at that given moment but at least you can try to prepare for it in some way or another. It�s always a shock nevertheless.
I don�t know if it�s because he is closer to me than the grandmothers and grandfathers that have passed. I don�t know if it�s because I think it�s not fair to his family that he�s young and needs to see his baby grow up. Not that we have the right to challenge destiny. To each his own destiny.
What�s left is accepting it and embracing the whole situation as a blessing in some form or another. I think once that�s happened then things can move along. I think I am definitely blessed to be able to go through so much though.
I�m supposed to do work and just can�t.

Ugh.

Rufus Wainwright mood. It's all I can bear right now.

Okay YOU (aww poopsy!) am blogging a proper blog godammit. He complained. Sheesh. Grrl can't post a 1 line blog nowadays.

Last night went by the Vonster to shoot some pool. That was a nice distraction from the cruddy kind of day I had yesterday. Yay won the last game whee and nicely too. Didn't win any of the others...I think. Cannot remember. Still blame it on Vaughn's bad Feng Shui. Hehehe. Also did not drink. Remained very sober even though they told me I should drink. Hehehe.

My uncle's still very sick and we're worried. I can't say much more but he's in Intensive Care but I think today he is sligghhhtttllyyy better than before. Gods. Saw him Thursday night and it was awful to witness. *sigh* SO that's on my mind. Why do good people suffer? To teach us what lessons exactly? Anyways everything for a reason. Not allowed to ask why...will figure it out at some point.

Many other things too, but attempting to distract myself by doing stuff and sleeping. Still need pool or beach and it's not happening apparently. Ah well.
*yawn*

It's HOT and I need me a pool or beach. Soon!!!!

Night before tonight we checked out Johnny English with Rowan Atkinson. Lost a few brain cells here and there. Stac said she had to go home and study to regain them, however I believe they might be unrecoverable.
Gods. Poor Aadam has surgery Friday. Eeeks.Good luck m'dear!!
Spending time with Jus and gang is good. Am glad they're all here for now, even though I'm getting not enough work done. I need to do work - really I do. I wasted a day sad to say.

My porn star name is Jeffrey Second Avenue
My blues singer name is Good Robinson
My punk rock band is called Wonky Elephants
My Star Wars extra name is Fixerise the Mop Mop.

Dear lord. Go do it.

Richard stop posting only quiz blogs!!
Many fotolog whores. Wowser. I need me a digicam. sigh.

Good Friday.
I awoke Friday morning to the news that my uncle (he same one who's always sick) is sick again. Mom wanted to go to church, so I agreed that I'd go with her, trying to gain some karma points and all you see. So I'm there being all "good" that day you know. Listening to mah music, not getting online, being boredish. I end up chilling with my music a while, then suddenly - poof. My computer shut off. I look around. Power dip? But there is UPS - that should not happen , and furthermore there was no dip. *click click* Turning compy back on did not work. Checking cables and such. Notice that top of tower is way way hot. Not good. Comp still not turning on. Fear strikes. Call Nigel. "Nigel HELP!!!!!!" "That sounds like the power supply ...etc" Then I call Stace to pour out my misery. She suggested unplugging it and plugging it back in. Me so very doubtful decided okay ... let's just leave it for now.

I resigned myself to being computerless for a while and decided to clean the desk and cover the top with a new top. After I had finished I said hum let me try this Stace thing. It worked! Sheesh.
I don't know what that was supposed to mean. That boy told me that the moral is "Don't go to church". Great. Just fantastic!

Was supposed to finish clean out but got distracted with church and stuff. Was in no mood to clean after church.
Did not feel guilty that almost fell asleep during the sermon because mom almost did too. Phew. Also did not burst into flame but the computer thing made up for it I suppose.

Glorious Saturday
Not quite sure where the morning went, but I know I awoke at some point and had breakfast/lunch I believe. I had to hop in between organising for the beach lime and the Saturday night lime. *sigh* Got to the grocery with Jus and the rest of the gang who were to be at the lime on Sunday. We got our groceries amidst much shit talk. Goddamn groceries are expensive. Got home and heard some Juan Luis Guerra pounding out at my neighbour's. They were having an Easter tea party and were winding down, so I decided to go across to check the scene. Mom was there chilling and such - tons of kids etc. Cutey boy was spotted about 5 minutes into the whole thing. *grin*

Your girl wasted no time. Opportunity struck when we suddenly ended up alone outside the house just standing there talking. *more grinning* Tad short for my liking but HEY not complaining. Was talkable unlike many others encountered who are just so utterly lame.*sigh* Did not get number/was not asked. I stuck :( Alas was sort of rush departure on his part, and uhm did not want to come on way too strong. Eep. Think was already slightly intimidating. Not sure. Yikes. On the other hand he lives with neighbour's friends so yay? Humho.

This Venezuelan Latin band was to play at the Casino, so mom and dad were supposed to go. Had invited Stace, Ria and whoever else along. No one else could really make it at that point I think. Then Mom decided she didn't want to go because it was too late. I finally persuaded them though. Band didn't play till nearly 1 am but that's okay hehehe. It ened up being just me and the girls chilling. Sitting by the bar having our little t�te-�-t�te, these 3 bartenders come up to us and ask what we're drinking. "Nothing thanks" "No really what are you drinking?" At this point we looked to each other for eye contact assent. Stace, being the wino spoke up first with her Malibu, then I with same request and Ri wanted a Screwdriver. Hehe and we got it too. Hum guess the drinking would start from then.

Mom was mean and said they felt sorry for us sitting there by the bar looking like freeloaders. Dad was logical and said that they give away drinks to certain people. We just decided that we looked too damn hot.

Bleh I say. Got home at ungodly hour and jumped into bed because it was going to be an early morning and a longass day/night ahead.


Sunday - Easter Sunday
These adventures. Just hilarious really. Mostly always with Gosine. I dragged myself out of bed at oh 8 am (oh the horror) and started preparing to get going because the plan was to leave around 10 am in order to beat the traffic. The Garvin calls and says no we're good to go, so I start rushing around thinking everyone is waiting. When I get by Gosine he's in the bathroom, Miche isn't coming and it's 9:30. Goddamn. Did not leave till 10:30 or later. Sheesh.

Vroom vroom. So there's John and Christopher in John's jeep, me Jus, Garvin and Kimberly in our car. There was much traffic so they decided to be smart and take a back road. This back road was a dirt track - very gravelly an dusty. Then the games started. I dunno what's up with males and competition. Anyways, John's there zooming around making all kinds of fancy turns, stopping, leaving us in a trail of dust etc. Then we witnessed one of the funniest things. He got a skid on the gravel and turned straight into a ditch and knocked over a light pole. It was like something out of a cartoon. You saw the jeep running into the bush at the side of the road and the lightpole hanging over. Apparently it was fucked really good and only the wires are holding it up. Eek.
Those bitches are lucky we got a lot of help to get it out because the 4 boys weren't getting much of anywhere alone. One guy in a huge truck thing pulled up and was trying really hard, then eventually a pick up with about 5 or 6 guys pulled up. One of them took a gulp of rum or whatever before attempting to move the jeep. Cripes. A comedy I tell you. And the funny thing is that that happened JUST as we were about to hit the main road again. There was Police right right right there. Whoa.

I believe we got to the house without much incident after that.

"I am functionally drunk" uttered, by the iridescent one. I was NOT functionally drunk of course. Far from it. Totally dysfunctional really. Shut up.
So as soon as we half settled in the card-playing began. It involved 6 rather sober individuals, a pack of cards and a bottle of white rum. That bottle finished so fast and Kim wasn't drinking. Remind me never to drink that shit again. Blech. Had 3 shots after you know - losing, and I was way gone. Face red, body red. I eventually stumbled to the beach and fell asleep there a bit. Not sure how long but I believe I was very incoherent. At least had time to look around a little. Nothing on beach!!! 0 eye candy.
Almost everyone capped by about 10:30 and I just had to sleep. Had been falling asleep all day, but this time everyone was going and the door was being locked.

Monday
Somehow our room (Jus Christopher et moi) woke up around 4:30 am (gasp) and we went for a walk on the beach by moonlight. Real pretty out there and with the oil well down Guayaguyare burning it's just gorgeous. Plus the sound of the waves. We got back and they jumped back into bed. I couldn't sleep, so evntually I just went outside to chill with the breeze and the sunrise. I would have gone out to the beach to witness the sunrise alone, but didn't want to jump back over the fence (gate was locked and did not have key) and have no company.
Eventually I spotted someone awake downstairs (another family) so one of the guys opened the gate for me and I went for a walk and swim.
I had to stay where there were people. Man it felt good. Wish there could have been people to share it with.

Nope no tan - I just managed to brush up on the existing one (yes!! I have one!) a little bit. Good day overall and no I am very sober. It was a lot of water and juice after that whole white rum thing. Gawd.

So it was good. Wish it could have been longer though, but that's okay I am sure there are beach limes to come. Back to the grind. I have a good bit of work to do. I would like to sleep though.

Alright alright. I'm here. Ok actually I'm typing this thing offline and then stealing a couple minutes to send e-mail and post this. So i'm here but not really.
I should make this a nice long blog considering I owe you one. *sigh*

So let's see summary of past...2 (?) weeks and basic emotional crap that I've been going through.

I'm back on mIRC. Dear God help us all. There's this channel that Pravs dragged me to and well it's been rather distracting indeed. Really nice people though - don't think I've quite fit in anywhere foreign so fast - usually those places are so unfriendly. Must be the maturity (hah!) that abounds. Of course considering my ISP problems *cough* I haven't been able to be online as much and it's driving me crazy - epsecially with work. When I need to get online I just can't and it's the most irritating thing ever.

I'm nursing my sorrow with TV - quite a lot of actually. I'll have to tell you the whole list of the shit I've been checking out lately.
Monsoon Wedding - I saw most of it (I think) and it's veryyy good. That's one of the foreign films that has made it big. I need to see Am�lie soon else will die! Anyhow Monsoon has hotties as well and not-so-annoying Indian music as the others have. I stomached it and if I could so can you. Go watch it. Now.
Chaplin - finally - after all these years. I caught it starting and wasn't even going to watch the whole thing, but I figured heck this is one of those "important" ones. Despite a couple phone call interruptions, it was pretty insightful.
Panic Room - Whoa. Cinematography was hella good, especially knowing it was all digitally..planned.= or whatever. Wow. Of course the story line sucked donkey balls but who's counting. It was pretty enough in a nice macabre way.
Flatliners - After that Dad said, "I'm sure you dunno what the hel that was about". I was like, "Uhm well I saw it from thae start you know ! You didn't!" Sheesh. When it started I had no clue what it was, but then I saw the cast of Keifer Sutherland, Julia Roberts, Billy Baldwin Oliver Platt and Kevin Bacon. Could not resist. Didn't realise it was so old (don't ask me the year) - they just were all so young and bootiful. Yuck ... the Baldwins should live up to their names and bloody well be rid of all their chest/belly hair. Bleh. Overall it was shitty enough but wth a supposedly good message. Joy.
High Crimes - Ashley Judd can really cry alot. Werd. But then so can Jodie Foster. I REALLY like Jim Caviezel. Goddamn - something about his half innocent look that makes me want to do very bad things... *produces halo* This one was good I guess. I realised how much men LIE. Ugh. Big fat ugly liars them all. I do wonder though if she didn't find out he was evil if they would have lived happily ever after. Hum. Brr. Makes ya think though :( Ladies do thorough background checks on your boys/husbands. I guess it sorta is good to live in a small place where no matter where you go you're bound to find someone you know, or who knows your mother's great aunt or something.
*snicker*
What else? Omg - those last 4 movies were yesterday alone! Ack. Also watched parts of Blade II which I had seen already. Cable is evil. Hehehe. I should have been SLEEPING. I eventually did around oh 3 am after tossing and turning a while.

Then there's music. I'm in such a mellow mood of late aand have not been able to get new mp3's for and I'm stuck with the old stuff. I haven't even been doing the techno thing much. Why? Just no mood really. So here's what's mostly playing :

Latin Scene :
Jesse Cook - Canci�n Triste (Flamenco)
Alejandro Sanz - El Alma al Aire
Alejandro Sanz and The Corrs - Una Noche M�s
Ni�a Pastori - Ca�
Mecano - Hijo de la Luna
Juan Luis Guerra - Burbujas De Amor
Jac� Velasquez - Como Se Cura Una Herida
Alexandre Pires - Vd. Se Me Llevo La Vida

Chill/Alt/Whatever :
Tonic - Sugar
Fiona Apple - Sullen Girl
Rufus Wainwright - He Ain't Heavy He's My Brother
Neve - It's Over Now
Tantric - Mourning
Stereophonics - Don't Let Me Down
Ben Harper - Strawbery Fields Forever
The Vines - I'm Only Sleeping
Ben Folds - Golden Slumbers
The Cure - Lovesong
No Doubt - Underneath It All
The Tea Party - Samsara
Crash Test Dummies - Mmm Mmm Mmm
Gorillaz - Left Hand Suzuki Method (omg the bass!)

To name a few!

No I have no shame for listening to this mushy stuff. Leave me alone :P
Damn remind me to get that Crash Test Dummies song - Peter Pumpkinhead. I was in love that song a few years ago. Oh goddamn...that was about '94 wasn't it? Shit am old. Hehehe. I still have TAPES from back then. Before I had a CD player - yes I was a late acquisitioner-of-CD player. I have a ton of 90 minute tapes and have no clue what to do with em. Have to start making tapes for the ones who still have decks in their cars.

I keep wondering what I was in my previous life you know. If there is that...which...it is quite possible. I feel these strange inexplicable connections with music, places, eras. Strange. My imagination running away again perhaps. *ponder*

Must be the heat - me and my wandering thoughts. *pauses for musical bliss* This is a well done song and I love Gwen Stefani. Course this song (Underneath It All) applies to no one. Haha.

Ack headache!

Ok there you go. A big blog.
Uhm guess I haven't told you what my scene is?
I'm in the process of re-planning my life. I'm also doing some work - of which I'd really like to get paid for. This leaves little or no time for my own site. Course I could have been doing that instead of blogging, but then you wou;dn't be entertained now would you?

*sends love to all and sundry*

(Yay the one I thought doesn't read does! Whee!)

*pops in*

I got ONE e-mail eh! ONE!! From someone who I don't think reads this even! *gasp*!

In other news...there is slight possibility that apparently can only attract foreign men. What the fuck?

:( @ Aadam. Po baby - condolences sweetiepie.

Ello @ everyone else. I love yew. Uhm. Gnite/morning. God it's almost 5 am! Eeeek!

*pops out*

Hi guys - missed me? I missed you. Not sure when I'll be back online, but you should have my phone number/e-mail. I am on my probably close to last net spree. Hehe.
Damn distraction can be so good sometimes.
Love you all!!

If I get back online (and am coherent enough) will post a good blog k?
*muah*

Alright, here's the real scene.
I don't know what's happening and I need to find out and solve them asap before I die from myself.
*Gulps cranberry/raspberry Fruta juice*
My whole life seems to be going in circles and I'm just spinning in mud here. More realization this week that my life sucks and is in a terrible terrible mess. Have much planning and thinking to do. Gack.

On a side note. You don't realise how therapeutic (in good and bad ways) it is to clean out your keyboard. I gave my baby an overhaul. He's soooo clean now. Wow. I don't think he's been so clean since he was new keyboard. Wow. Whee!

I love Veee!!! Wheee!!! My girl called meeee! Wheeee! Haha. *dances* See she says I have sexy voice. Hah1 Take that! Pft! Yeah so Vee called because she was annoyed and not getting through to boy so yay I gots me a call. Thank goodness boy is not bitch we thought else would have hunted his ass down. I told her that bitch-hunting season is open. Lol. Still is, so whoever wants to fuck around with me or my girls better look out.

There was more. Am tired. I love you.
Still have not seen Justin yet. Not good!

Blahhh.

Uhhhhmmmmm.
Allo. Sorry. :P Will blog propely soon I swear honey bunches. Yes still alive. Still manless too. Don't get any ideas. Sad sad stories.

*shuffles around* Have been busy, distracted and generally very tired of late. So many things are piling up and I don't know where to start!!! Hello world. I still love you.*muah* I am alive. Whee!

Lol it's 3 am.
Hahaha.
*snort*

So uhm, yeh I need sleep. Badly. I've been running on nothing more than pure unadulterated...shit talk. Ohh helllllll. And I have a meeting? At 9? Oh hellllppppp make it stop. Argh. Tomorrow is like my only rest day and apparently I won't be getting any.

*walks off to bed depressed*

La la la look at the time. Am awake. Har dee har. Not good though. Not good at all.
Oh God I have 4 hours to sleep - max. Hahahaa. This is going to be interesting day.

"I feel so sorry for you, you don't have any friends. Your friends don't love you. It all boils down to sex. If people want to have sex with you they treat you real good. No one wants to have sex with you." Cue sympathetic voice.

*blink*

Yes ladies and germs, that's the kind of thing my mother tells me. That's when you know you're one fucked up individual. You wonder sometimes why my self esteem can reduce to like -100.This time however it was so incredibly funny that all I could do was laugh and tell my "friends". Rofl. Woo. What a way to start the morning, especially when I took it upon myself to actually head outside to say hello.

Let me get out of this fucking place before I go crazy. Another reason to stay out late tonight. Humm..no wait I can't :( Long day tomorrow. Oh well there it goes.

Dars - they're just fuckin stupid that's all. Don't know why you allowed some asshole to dampen your day. In those cases you should do what's best - cuss him and put him in his blasted place! Tsk creeps.

It's very frigging hot today. Nice beach day too. Alas. :(

Cannot go anywhere? V peeved. Wanted to see nice movie. Where is everyone?

Summary : -
# of hotties scoped : 0
# of interests gained : 0
# of attempts to get life : 0
# of times annoyed : 10
# of calories consumed : 10milliongajillion
# of weird dreams : 2
# of convos with friends : 5-10

Since I'm awake and half delerious, I'll tell you my weird cool dream. Hehe. I was by my neighbour and she was decorating for Christmas with some beautiful tinsel and decorations. Now my neighbour's a nice Scottish lady, rather conservative and simple. Not even curtains in her house. Her room was bedecked this time though. She was giving away a lot of her stuff that she'd collected and I managed to pick up a whole bunch of pretty things. Very interesting indeed. Ok not very interesting for you to read but really ...mostly a very pretty dream. Christmas is pretty. Whee.

Ok obviously need sleep.

Speeding down the highway and we're just talking. I asked, "So what would you do if I was in your situation? " He paused a moment and turned up the radio saying, "I'd tell you what everyone tells everyone in that situation. Get over it."

"When this began I had nothing to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused And I'd let it all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
When all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
Nothing to lose
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own and the fault is my own ..." - Linkin

It was one of those moments that you feel like you're in a movie. That was a perfect scene. Werd. I can just imagine the cinematography on that one and the lighting. Far out!

The reactions to my model fiasco(� SMI) blog are so interesting. Had to quote this one!

"D: eek - yur blogging exploded
Trace: where?
D: i see one humongous bit of text
Trace: lol"


Hahaha the bitch is alive! Only because I asked sister-in-law where the fuck he was. Little bitch.

Rich I have watched pro-wrestling and well... nothing's this bad I think. It just looks so... small!

Anyways I'm hearing things today about Blogger being an idiot and not publishing. I don't think I'll do anything inportant in this blog though so yay you're safe from being cursed Blogger.

I have had ice cream. There is a God.

Happy Belated to Ri and Abi! Their birthdays were yesterday! Yay go them. They're old. Hehehe. *muah*

*raises eyebrow @ Arts*