Argh. Fuck you Labster :P You know why. Bitch. Hmph.
Sooo... I have too much to say and just cannot. Not here. If you care you can ask. if not well you can bugger off.
Dammit I hate not being able to blog exactly what I want to. :P Too many damn people read this. Gawd.

Uhm you guys you have to take me outta here and away... mean when you're not around I start getting in trouble and talking to certain people I shouldn't be talking to. Some of you know, some of you don't. I feel really really bloody out of it and totally away from you close ones. *sigh* Tsk. I also need out of the house today - if not that will be very bad indeed :P

Almost end of month. What have I done really? *sigh*
Let's hope I get a good job soon because am running very low on funds. Gawd.

Ok so Anj and I are hella bored and just here wasting away at the computer. Ridiculous really. We should be out having a life you know. We're also peeling. I think I am almost ready to face the genreal public again.

Yesterday afternoon had another nasty dream. A fling dream. Very fucking scary too. It's always very vivid and always in my room. I rarely dream of here as you know but these dreams are here. Argh. This time though there was some semblance of a storyline. I woke up breathing hard and saying Hail Marys. What the hell. I had to put on some loud Latin music to get out of the mood. Don't know what the deal with that shit is. I need me a shrink.

Chris was saying he'd go to a shrink just so he could fuck him up a bit. If I go I'll probably find out what's wrong with me and honestly I don't think I can deal with that right now. I have enough on my plate and am attemptng a shift in my whole life.

So anyone wanna go hiking with me? I surely need the company and someone to hold on to if I slip. No really I'm serious. Yes me hiking. Yes really okay dammit! Believe me am willing to try and not complain too much about bugs and mud. Well...sorta. Snakes not good. Easy trails please. Ken and crew are going on 3 day hike. Fuck no not me. Not yet anyways!! Not THAT brave yet. Me not Jane.
Also need Latin dance partner. *grin* I can get some cheap classes but am just...scared. I may not even need classes if I have the right partner who's willing to teach me!That's a whole other story though so talk to me privately for that if you're willing and able.
These two things may start up soon so am really hoping. Any other fun stuff to do? I don't know. I would like to get different things going to get my brain stmulated again. Am fed up of being bored and stuck in the same old ways all the time.

Otherwise...nothing is happening. I look forward to a rather boring weekend it seems. Oh unless certain people take me out. *grin*? Ent honey? Hehehe.

*drops on face* I am so dead. I just had one of the longer days for a while. Head feeling woozy and can barely focus. Dunno why am here.
Uggghh this is disgusting. My face is peeling. Yuuuccck dammit. Ugh I say. Don't come visit me okay, not till I get this stuff off. I look horrible. (No bitches I don't look horrible usually). :P

zzzzz.

Blehhhhhh!!!! Listening to underground indie music which is really some kickass stuff. Needing sleep.
*flop*

Shut up Horn. Truly. Can't a girl try to be good anymore? :P I'm good!!! You should know that. *does the halo thing* Right?
RIGHT? *angelic look*
*pout* Not working is it?

Sooo. Uhm. I've been trying to get some work done but I got distracted when Sheldon asked for some fonts. I then found a kickass site and downloaded all and started playing. *hangs head in shame* I am a font whore.

Dum dee dum. Good mood still on despite horrific dream. Werd.

Being very good. Very very good of late. Maybe too good. Hmm.
Why? I don't know.
I'm happy.
Wow.
Pretty amazing despite my current situation, but it's okay.
*snore* Okay no I don't really snore but you get the idea. I am vewwy vewwy tired. Missing a few people too.

Dude. I am sunburnt. Maracas sun gets one red. Gack. Very red. Not good. Not spectacularly attractive either. Christ. Kin burns when you're playing on the beach. I am worn out but good. Yesterday was mad fun. When I say mad I mean mad. Uhm also, there will be no incriminating photos posted of a certain's person ass anywhere Jhagroo. Those eyes are rather shifty you know.

Ugh. I have to go see if I get a job today. Something of the sort - not exactly sure what we'll be doing, but should be interesting. At least I have been considered for it. Also will be working with Dirk (sorta) - my god the horror. Hehehe. I'll get back to sleep soon I promise but I need to get some of this stuff blogged. I got to bed around 8 and slept through till nearly 1.

I woke up with to sound of my fan and breeze through the trees outside. I could have sworn it was the exact feeling I get when I'm on vacation at the beach and all that. My bed was sorta empty though. Least it was comfy. I wasn't feeling to move - felt so dead, then realised I had to go to the potty. Got some water and got online and well I've been here since just talking and such.

Time to get introspective and thinky. It's about that time of the morning when I'm alone and things are quiet and the music's playing softly that I think. There are so many beautiful just absolutely gorgeous times that you wish you could just capture forever. Those times when you think holy shit this could be a movie scene...there should be music to this. Sometimes there's a song playing that's just perfectly matched to that moment and sometimes there's none but you know which song you'd play if you were making the movie. The soundtracks to our lives are necessary.

I love love love coming home from the beach after a good day, listening to goood music, with everyone quiet (probably tired) and just chilling lookng out the window at the sun going down and peeping through the trees and the wind blowing through your hair. Oh woo hoo it's one of the most beautiful things in the world.
Sorry I must get these things out of my head. The visuals are just bloody amazing - I need to get this on film at some point when have become genius.

Oh...my...God...have found another person who likes Rufus Wainwright. *faint* Someone who knew off the bat who I was talking about. Woo ha!

You know I realised I'm changing in certain ways? I think. Maybe in my head not actions. Not sure. Eep.

*bounces around*
Am awake. Got home around 2:30 Saturday morning
Finally saw Matrix Reloaded Friday night. Yay! Need to see it a few more times undistracted!!!! Even though the bitch didn't sit next to me he never stopped talking. Good grief. Omg Frank BIT me!!! Bastard left MARKS on my skin. Am gonna get RABIES! *runs around in circles screaming* Arrrggh the effects are coming on! Aaaaaaaah!!! Guess I shouldn't have tickled him and made him scream like a girl and then middle-fingered him? Oh well it was/is fun.

Stefan is a whole other story. Oh good grief. The boy had one Smirnoff Ice and I think it got him It got him bad. Stac, Dani, Aadam, Sean, Frank and Stef decided to take a Tequila shot. So they're all preparing for the shot and playing around with the salt shaker. Stef decides because the holes in the shaker aren't giving him enough salt required he has to open the thing. (The manly way) I believe Frank did it as well and despite the mess he got enough. Suddenly I turn just by chance and glance at Jhagroo and see a rather copious amount of salt cascading quite beautifully over his outstretched palm. What a sight to behold indeed. Well well Stace you can safely say your boy isn't Smirnoff proof now. After the relatively generous shot Stef started getting louder. Suddenly. We had to leave and stood in the carpark of TGIF (Chaguanas is a mess) talking. He was the loudest and claimed not to be gone. Righto. Would not like to see him when he is. *snort* Actually maybe I would.

I should sleep considering I have to wake up in the morning and did not get much sleep last night.
Adieu sweet people. I love you.
*growls*

Illustrator just pissed me to fuck off. Why the fuck does it not open my file properly? If there's a problem with the fucking font I don't see why the fucking thing can't show up my little vector art otherwise. What is it's fucking problem? Obviously yes amd RATHER annoyed because I spent so much time on it and now it won't open to do my vector magic. What can Photoshop do? Nothing! I will have to redraw the whole bloody thing. I need this shit done now. Fuck. I'm tired too. Ugh!!!!!

Seeing Matrix Reloaded tomorrow. Finally. *crosses fingers*

Am still pissed. Think will go to bloody sleep. This is just irritating.

At least throat stopped hurting. I think I missed the lovebirds because it started Thursday and eased up yesterday finally. Today feeling much better but not gone yet mind you. Yay they're back! Whee! Well Matrix lime carded for tomorrow night. Some bitches were trying to spoil it for me.
Mood is ... bleh enough. Not as bleh as before but still bleh enough.
Entertainment needed. Or something of the sort.

*blink*
*sigh*
*mope*

So Jhags and Stace are coming back tonight. Wonder if all went well. We're not going to the Matrix Reloaded opening - yet. :(
Am still battling with my throat. Hurts mucho. No, not sick and no do not have STD.
Ugh otherwise miserable and in for a longass day ahead.
Not happy bunny. Please someone anyone cheer me up.
Isn't it amazing how the one person who can cheer you up is the one person who is fucking with your head? Fuckery I say.
/mood.

*flop*
I am floaty again and feeling generally unwell.
Saw Serendipity with John Cusack. Very cute. I was in the mood for a romantic comedy okay. Fuck you.
Also saw About Adam. Fuckery indeed, but Stuart Townsend is very hot. Woo.
Have lost hope for the man kind. Will need uber-convincing that all men are not utter idiots. Bah.

Where the fuck is everyone? Wake the hell up and come play with me am bored you know!!!!

Am awake. Yay. What to do today? Bored.

*mumbles something about boredom*

Stef and Stace have hopefully reached safely. Have not heard anything so am assuming they are well. *snicker*
Need to figure out what the hell we're doing Wednesday for the Matrix opening - and if we're even going. :( Cannot wait to see it.
Okay it's after 4 am and am bored and have nothing important to say. Cannot say what I want to say here. Ugh.

Hope Aadam does not blog about certain pool incident. *ducks*

It's been a while since I got home at 6:30 am. Sun up...I am up. I am running purely on chocolate. Blame Frank. Caffeine has worn off I think. Getting sleepy.

More people...accidents, death, injured. Lord. Sigh. Condolences to all affected...course none of them read this but I'll put it anyway. Ugh. Sorry for the 2 liner but this is all I can manage. Also need to cut nails.

Happy Birthday Aadam!!!! *hugs*

Every time I kinda get inspiration to do some work on my dying site, I blog or write e-mail. I've been writing so don't complain that I'm not. That is if you write me :P I have been distracting myself somehow. Not quite sure how but I've been around. I am also alive. Yes I owe you about a week's worth of blogs don't I? Sorry about the last post - I was very frustrated because my net access is a mess.

La India - Me Enga�astes
Yum.

Need new music badly blah. Am repeating self because am sure I said this before. This is taking me so long to compose because after every line I sit here and play with a little ball of this sticky put-thingys-on-wall putty/sticky stuff. Yeh. That. Anyhow I keep playing with it because my mind is on other stuff.

What is it? A sick season. People getting injured, sick and otherwise. What the hell? Yesterday I dreamt that teeth were falling out again. Usually is sickness or death in the family. My uncle's doing alright. He's out of ICU and bored in his room, watching TV all day. Miracles do happen indeed. I think though that his determination to live is what has him alive right now. Every day is a different story. Today I'm hearing about someone who said that St. Michael spoke to her in a dream and he said that my uncle was going to him but he sent him back because his death would have caused too much grief. He said not now. Interesting. I can't help but think that it could be some kind of
figment of the subconscious that allows comfort of some sort.
Righto. But who am I to say?

In other news. Wait there's no other news.
*hugs* for Ri who is going through a shitty time.

*snicker* Frank wants me drunk too? Am so not amused. Why does everyone want me drunk? It isn't THAT exciting. Ask Justin. He and the others saw me rather inebriated and well... I fell asleep on the beach. That's all :P

Stef, Stace, Anji, Frank et moi went to el cine again. Place was packed - considering it was $10 Tuesday. Gawd. Of course had to see people I know. Not bad ones though. Talked through X2 (hum ho woo Hugh-pants-yum-whee) and laughed at people. Dude...Storm had one big zit on her chin. How do I know this? Ah the wonders of sitting 2nd row from front. Oh my gawd. We were slouching down and looking up and looking from side to side. Hilarious. We weren't laughing. Okay we were very amused by such asinine choice of movie/screen. Frank said he isn't gonna sit next to me for Matrix Reloaded or Hulk! *gasp* When HE was the one talking. Uh huh. Wasn't me!! *angelic glow* No I don't talk for 1st time shows. Course except Episode 2. That's just another story.

Here's a nice one for you Steffy. Mommy says I'm too popular and people are intimidated by such, hence will not ever get boy. :( Also am too difficult. But but... Anywho is there a way to get unpopular without causing a stir? Am not that popular...just happen to know a few people. Dammit. :( Noooo I don't know everybody!!!! Err. Blah.

*grumble*

He seems to be doing better amazingly enough. Still a timebomb they say. I can't take it for granted that because he's lucid and talking (wow!) that he's out of the woods...I
don't think he'll ever be. At least we would have gotten a chance to make him laugh. He did (while choking and coughing) which was just so amazing. Mom's still worried
though. Guess I would be too.

So I'm still alive folks. Still netless and miserable and watching way too much TV for my own good. You CAN e-mail/call me though :) Look at my cute wittle puppy dog eyes. Yesh me me - you know I need attention. So attention me. *giggle* Gee I wonder how much response I'll get to that - if Jhagroo was around I'd get a big "fuck you chinee bitch" for that. I got it Monday night though. *snicker*. Speaking of which, I haven't seen/heard from the happy couple since. Ugh don't wanna know.

Darsypooooooo. Okay I just felt like saying that. Am possibly in good mood and not sure why. I also feel like poking you guys in your tummies just because. Uhm I need out of this house - am having lime/friends withdrawal! *look*

Let me go do some damn work. I have shit to finish for tomorrow.

I should clean. I should do some more work. I should get things together. For the past couple weeks I'm just feeling nothing.
I hate expecting "the call". That call you know and you feel coming. Sunday night after the wedding, I came home chilled out and fell asleep pretty early. Around 12 my aunt called.
"Where's mom?"
"Uhh sleeping?"
"Oh because the hospital called and they said he took a turn for the worst"
"Ah crap" *looks up* "Uh wait the gallery light is on...let me check"
So the gallery light was on (only left on when someone is out). The car was gone so I knew something happened. I hadn't even hear the call earlier on because I was so unconscious. Usually I wake up when the phone rings.
After that I couldn't sleep. I ended up camping on the couch a while waiting for them to return. Not sure I would have gone if I knew...dunno if I can handle it. Hospitals make me queasy as it is - but seeing someone suffer is just unbearable.

I see other people with losses. Condoelnces to all - Stef. *hug*
Actually I did hug Stef last night. He got in safely. Ri got Stace and me to the airport - late but still in time and in any case. They went for food and eventually I found the boy. Somehow Jhagroo seems to get taller - else I'm getting shorter...even with 2.5" heels! Wtf! You'd think...hum. Anyways!!! I figure if we'd had more time I might have held up a "So Indian" sign. *giggle* Yay back to cussing Steffy mode! He'll be here a while so I have enough time to cuss him adequately.

I need new music!! I have no net and am going kooky!! I mean I haven't downloaded anything in over a month! What a tragedy! :( Send me music people. *sniff* I've had to be satisfied with my Rufus and Led and whatever else. Am too lazy to dig up in my mp3 CD's.

I *think* I looked purty on Sunday. Went to a nice little (ok no it was huge) Hindu wedding. Indian wear. Whee! My neighbour saved me and lent me an outfit and even shoes and jewelry. :) Yay! No am not posting the pictures.

What I will post is this - check my ugly hands out. *giggle* Yes those are my own nails. Mine mine mine. I've just been too lazy to cut them. I should but they look pretty with polish. Ah well.


That's the latest I think. I miss you all so much.

*hugs* especially for Vee.
*grin* for Dars. Omg! Haha mothers are amazing creatures. You gotta tell me what she said.

Saw an old friend last night at the airport looking rather delish. Shame he is taken. In his inebriated state you'd think I could have taken advantage of him. *halo* La la la la. I need recreation quite obviously.

Being alone gives you time to do quite a lot of thinking. Too much thinking. *sigh*
I don't know what to write and yet there's so much to say at the moment. My whole life is sort of being torn apart and as I type this I don't know what will come out but perhaps it will reveal something.

The music is nonstop. The beat waxes and wanes in my head in my soul. I'm not here.

I dreamt one night a couple days ago that I was in some store looking for a particular bead to mend a ring that I have. I lost the bead - a pretty green bead. I should go find one but that's sorta minor and I'd forgotten it up to this point. Then the dream. They had the type of bead - a strange iridescent kind, but they didn't have the colour so I was peeved.
Now where the hell did my subconscious find that? Why? Why this sudden inspiration to find my bead? This subconscious/dream thing is weird.

I had another dream earlier. I was in a pretty plastic floaty dinghy in some water. I knew though that it was the sea, yet there were objects in the water to make me feel that I was somewhere that was now flooded. I was hanging outside the boat just floating around in the water and holding onto it. My foot kept bouncing into these...things...I think a table and stuff. Now I hate feeling things in water so that freaked me out quite a bit! Even then though I was slightly at ease. I can't describe the rest of the dream in words though. It's all fluffy.

Last night I looked at The Matrix again. Haven't seen it in a while. Yum. Neo. *giggle* I really can't wait to see Matrix Reloaded. *swoon*

Did I mention that I love NightCrawler? If not well I do hehehe. I even downloaded some fancy schmancy desktop from the movie site. Death Strike if I must say is very hot...and I'm very straight.
So there was a long discussion after the show between the Gosine brothers. Good grief. Almost makes me actually want to read the comics but that will take too long. Okay so now will be struck by the comic lightning gods. Need synopsis. :P
I was checking out Johnny Depp in "From Hell" and they're right, he could make a good Gambitt. Hum. Not sure though. Stuart Townsend could as well not only because he made the sexiest Lestat ever, but I don't kow he is just HOT. Good slut material as well. I figure he could pull off the accent well. Matthew McConnaughey is another possibility I didn't think of - that southern drawl turned into a spicy Cajun one could definitely work. Mmm.

Also will have to go see LXG - League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Oh...my...God. Stuart Townsend as Dorian Gray? Hello!

I need a car so I can at least reach to the Southern land (with its mysteries and all) to hang with Stac and crew.
So Jhagroo is coming. Yay! For Stace! The only person missing from the next few months worth of liming is Dars who is missed, but then she is happy with her boy so I should be happy. One day we shall all be in the same place at the same time. Jus is going a soon as Jhag comes. :( As for Arts - blah. I guess I'll have to go to Boston/Miami for him. Sheesh. Not that I'd mind. After I rob the bank I'll be a happy bunny I guess.

Scott, James, Jay *hugs*. I swear if I have to go visit all of my new friends I'll have to do a road trip across the States and Canada. Eep. Okay maybe not across Canada. Brr. Once I am sweating money I'll have the jet to my disposal right.

Dude. X2 is the shit. I admit I said I was never gonna spend money on that shit, but it was worth it. Wow. Pretty impressive. I am not a comic book fan and thanks to Jus and gang I was somewhat informed. Wheeee. Night Crawler...wheee! Hugh Jackman? Oh...my...god...! Haha dayum!!! igh I'd type more if I wasn't so tired. My sleeping pattern is really fucked.