Tuesday, February 18, 2003

It was like old times, like last semester this evening, like a relationship at all and not two confused beginners not knowing how much to pay the other person attention, how much to ignore them. I didn't feel nervous, didn't mumble my way through conversation, didn't worry about anything (except her mom not liking me, which really hinders things). But, she should not like me. That's what parents do, I guess. They've not known me long enough for her to like me, and I did look away, did remain pretty quiet. Ah well. Whatever is, is.
But, I had nearly five hours of sunshine, which makes up for the five days of night entirely. I need words to capture her smile, so I'll never forget it all my life.
There are none that do it justice.

posted by McKain | 2:03 AM

Sunday, February 16, 2003

I finished Empire Falls ending my one-sided relationship with the Roby's, the Whiting's and the rest of the town. I feel like I've just left Maine, left the lives of people I'd accidentally fallen in close terms with.

posted by McKain | 7:33 PM

I watched Forrest Gump tonigh and cried twice. I don't know why I cried. Maybe that kind of life is too eventually perfect. Unlike the situation Miles Roby of Empire Falls, a character with whom I feel far too great a similarity to ignore. And like Lester Burnham of American Beauty.

I just want some sign that things will end out okay. Some sign that things with Anna will remain as good as they were last semester, I won't feel awkward around her, I won't fear that any sign of her lack of interest is a hint towards our relationship ending. I just want to be happy and not worried about how long the happiness will last.

posted by McKain | 2:57 AM